Moving in with the BF

[flowboy]

@Vzdoh  Sounds good, but why are you so in a rush?

 

[Windappreciator]

40 minutes ago, Vzdoh said:

Well, I did say I loved him or rather texted him cause where I was at that moment when the feeling hit me, internet connection was so bad! I could only text instead of a video call. 

He responded that I am a very special person for him and said if I need any support whatsoever with my mom situation, I can rely on him. That's what hit me the deepest. 

I am not afraid to just tell him that I want to move in. 

I am just trying to be considerate here not to jump the gun before he is ready. Thinking maybe to wait when he feels that way too and suggests it himself? 

Worst thing is to push him to do stuff he is not quite ready yet but maybe will find it hard to say no if I flat out ask him. 

That's my train of thought. 

I identified your train of thought.

Birds of a feather flock together. He will probably react intuitively similarly like you would in that situation.

Edited July 20, 2021 by Windappreciator

[Harlen Kelly]

1 hour ago, Vzdoh said:

I am also wondering if I bring this up and he is not ready, then what? 

If you try to rush things, he will distance himself from you. 

Let him be the one who proposes moving in together. Based on your post, I don't think he wants to move in with you just yet.

[Vzdoh]

@Tangerinedream with covid no chance for long holidays abroad. But we did 2 days staycation for 4 weeks in a row. So we did spend 24 hours together and it was great each time ?

[Vzdoh]

@flowboy no rush, i just feel this way and want to get this info out in the open. I think i will be ok if he is not ready. It will upset me of course, just because its so very clear for me on him, so it's a tiny bit frustrating when it's not yet obvious to the other person, but maybe he is not yet certain about me. Don't know, although his actions show otherwise ?

[Vzdoh]

@Harlen Kelly he didn't ask or voiced it in any way, no. But what in my post made u think that way? 

[Leo Gura]

3 months is such a short time. Why not just keep the current situation going for another year and see how things play out? What is lost in doing that? If he really loves you it will become clear and nothing will be lost. Plus, when you spend too much time together it will get stale faster. If you want to keep it special, don't spend too much time with him. Less can be more.

Of course you can always tell him. But I don't think that's the issue here. The issue is why you wanna move in so fast? What will it gain you? You can love a person without moving in.

[LastThursday]

2 hours ago, Vzdoh said:

I left the country for a month to handle some urgent family issues at home.

If you're still out of the country, then wait until you are face to face with him before deciding anything. At least tell him that what he did for you was special and that you have fallen for him. I don't think you outright have to decide to move in straight away, you can just spend a lot of time at his place.

With one of my girlfriends I spent so much time at her place, that it didn't seem strange for me to move in after about six months. Take some time to work out if he's comfortable with the idea.

Edited July 20, 2021 by LastThursday

[Vzdoh]

@Leo Gura

Well, he does work a lot and max time we met up was twice in a week. Mid week and weekend. With his schedule i dont think it will be possible for him to spend more time with me without sacrificing his "me" time. 

I just want to be closer and more intimate and have more regular sex I guess. Not much to gain otherwise. 

Of course I can love him without moving in, but considering where I am at, it will feel like we r back to square one after I am back and there is no natural progress in a relationship and it will actually make me feel less love and intensity in this relationship, knowing that things r consistent, but all the same. 

I feel like with his support in my mom's situation when i was away, things progressed, at least for me. And coming back to the same routine of 2 dates per week, won't be enough for me anymore. And I know for a fact that it will be borderline impossible for him to make more time, unless we move in together. 

 

 

@Leo Gura @Leo Gura @Harlen Kelly

[Arcangelo]

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

 

 

Curious, how is his wealth relevant (mentioned again)? 

Look up for the word hypergamy

[Vzdoh]

@Arcangelo correct partially. I am not poor too. But for women, a guy who is well off is important if it is a serious relationship. 

[Arcangelo]

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

How’s the ‘true’ & ‘alpha’ relevant? 

Hypergamy

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

Does he say / identify as a ‘true alpha guy’ or is that your projection? 

Her projection OFC

2 hours ago, Vzdoh said:

not sure if 3 months is too short for him

3 months is short for ANYONE.

 

1 hour ago, Opo said:

he'll be ok because he's an alpha. 

LOL!

 

1 hour ago, flowboy said:

preferably women who actually have moved in with guys.

Well... The way that women have TRIED to move in with me is the following: They don't leave and start by putting their toothbrush next to mine. After 14 days I had to tell her: -''Hey so you are going to your Mom's house tomorrow right?''

Her (visibly sad): -''Yes.''

That's how low conscious people do it.

1 hour ago, Tangerinedream said:

Trying take some long holidays together first to see how you get along in close contact for 24/7

Agree 100%

[Windappreciator]

You want to do it

27 minutes ago, Vzdoh said:

@Leo Gura

Well, he does work a lot and max time we met up was twice in a week. Mid week and weekend. With his schedule i dont think it will be possible for him to spend more time with me without sacrificing his "me" time. 

I just want to be closer and more intimate and have more regular sex I guess. Not much to gain otherwise. 

Of course I can love him without moving in, but considering where I am at, it will feel like we r back to square one after I am back and there is no natural progress in a relationship and it will actually make me feel less love and intensity in this relationship, knowing that things r consistent, but all the same. 

I feel like with his support in my mom's situation when i was away, things progressed, at least for me. And coming back to the same routine of 2 dates per week, won't be enough for me anymore. And I know for a fact that it will be borderline impossible for him to make more time, unless we move in together. 

 

 

@Leo Gura @Leo Gura @Harlen Kelly

If you desire to do it, then do it. That is the right decision then.

We all wish you success for it.

[Etherial Cat]

3 months is rather short. You might scare the dude .

Do you think your want to move in might be linked to the difficult place you are at emotionally due to what's up with your mum? If so, you could ask him if you could stay over at his place for a few days/weeks and kinda test the water.

I also think it's better to go slowly and this looks like a fair compromise. If I were you, I wouldn't be keen on moving in directly without seeing how you actually spending some time together for a while works.

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, Vzdoh said:

And coming back to the same routine of 2 dates per week, won't be enough for me anymore.

Why not? 2 dates per week is plenty! Like I said, too much of a good thing burns it out.

Sounds like you're getting too clingy.

[Harlen Kelly]

@Vzdoh I can guarantee you with 100% certainty that he will distance himself from you if you insist on moving in together. 

Have a conversation with him about where you want the relationship to go and see if he is on board, you can hint at the idea of moving in together but let him make the suggestion first. 

[Raptorsin7]

@Vzdoh Are you hoping to get married to this guy?

3 months seems very quick to move in together. Theres a chance (a high one in my view) that if you rush him he will simply withdraw and move on.

Are you certain he wants a serious, committed relationship?

 

[Nahm]

@Vzdoh

I’d make a list on paper of what you want, so it’s ‘out of your head’ and in front of you. Generally, relationship wise (not what you want from him per se).  Then I’d lightly contemplate each ‘item’ on that list, and bring to mind tangible (or not) aspects of him & your relationship with him, to bring some validation to that you are seeing & experiencing what you want in & with him, vs possibly projecting what you want onto him. It is possible a biological clock & emotional time family wise is influential in an underlying manor. If the previous question was off putting or triggering, more so. Want the best for ya, also, ain’t nobody lookin for heartbreak. Keep in mind, your experience is your creation. Whatever he is, so to speak, that is what you’re attracting. Puzzle & all. 

[Vzdoh]

@Etherial Cat good idea, i can ask to stay over for a week or two as I am indeed in a difficult place emotionally regarding my mom situation and he was very supportive. 

[Vzdoh]

@Leo Gura I wouldn't date you if you took my desire for more support and closeness in a difficult situation like that with my mom to be clingy. 

He is a secure relating type of person, same as me. And showing support and being there for me in a difficult moment is what making me to appreciate him more and feel deeper for him. If he distances himself in this situation, I would lose interest, because that means I can't rely upon or trust him to be there for me when i need it the most. If a guy or anyone (friends), only there when things are going great, I better be alone then. 

So far he was on point relating wise.