I Am A Self-Help Junkie (Literally)

[Logan]

Every minute of free time that I have, I am working to improve myself. It is actually a bit obsessive. I think I may need to reel myself in a bit and allow myself to be as I am, rather than  to constantly focus on what I can be in the future. I see the massive potential I have and want to embody it so badly. I can't let go of my focus on working towards actualizing my goals, to the detriment of my present self. I feel like a high school athlete doing unhealthy things in order to fulfill their dreams of going pro.

I have been meditating for 8 years but have had trouble remaining present in the last couple of years and wonder how much good it's done me in that time. I used to avoid thinking too much and meditation was easier. Now I am being more strategic, thinking long-term, taking 100% responsibility, being completely self-honest, and working on my purpose. I struggle now to turn off my monkey mind. The switch between being and doing is lost in the dark. I feel there isn't enough time in a day to do all the things I want to in order to grow. I stay up until 3am most nights working on myself and my purpose.

I used to be firmly in stage green and  shunned stage blue & orange values. Once I had realized this, I began working to integrate stages blue and orange. I have been integrating orange in a toxic way. I was afraid of my intense yearning for money, power, status, and success. Now I see why. I have fallen into the trap of overwork and overt ambition. I need to focus my attention on a smaller field of subjects at a time, and realize that life isn't a sprint, but a marathon. To be able to be present and accept myself as I am.

Can anyone share their experience of traversing the traps of stage orange and share some insight? I'm a rat in the maze, chasing the cheese.

Edited July 20, 2021 by Logan

[RendHeaven]

Do you identify with SD stage yellow at all?

[Logan]

Yes I am mostly Stage Yellow.

[RendHeaven]

32 minutes ago, Logan said:

I was afraid of my intense yearning for money, power, status, and success. Now I see why. I have fallen into the trap of overwork and overt ambition. I need to focus my attention on a smaller field of subjects at a time, and realize that life isn't a sprint, but a marathon. To be able to be present and accept myself as I am.

Yes, you sound yellow. You've self-diagnosed yourself and offered up a solution before even asking for help from others

I think you have a great plan. One day at a time.

34 minutes ago, Logan said:

Can anyone share their experience of traversing the traps of stage orange and share some insight?

Appreciating excellence and executing at a high level are not restricted to SD orange. These are Turquoise-compatible values.

I urge you to contemplate that on your own...

41 minutes ago, Logan said:

I'm a rat in the maze, chasing the cheese.

Cheese may turn out to be hollow, but being a rat in a maze sounds like quite an adventure  Don't you wonder what the walls are made of? What exists outside of the maze? Why are you inside of it? All things considered, there's no better place to be.

 

[Logan]

Writing helps me get my thoughts out so I can see things more clearly. I don't especially like writing, so I write publicly to force myself to really think about what I'm feeling or thinking about. I'm way more focused when I know that my words may directly influence others, so I can't be lazy when writing on here.  Leadership is my highest value.

I'll reflect on the lesson I didn't realize I taught myself lol

[Snader]

39 minutes ago, Logan said:

Can anyone share their experience of traversing the traps of stage orange and share some insight?

The key is to just simply exhaust the MEME within you to really internally see its limitations. While you're at it, make sure you keep yourself open for the next MEME to awaken, but don't force it. We can't rush through stages too quickly, even if we understood the model perfectly. Development doesn't really care about conceptual understanding in this regard, it cares about direct experience. We can although use the conceptual understanding to choose the right action steps to fasten the process, but the stages really need to be experienced well enough and widely enough to be ready for the next stage.

In theory there are specific life conditions that need to be in place to be ready for transformation. Unless those conditions are not in place, you are most likely to experience ''The GAMMA Trap'' which we can describe as your inner demons or shadows that will test your readiness to move forwards and they will kick you right back to where you came from, if you're not ready yet.

When we learn about SD we tend to have this willingness to improve and move up the spiral as quickly as possible. I would suggest you to read the book. It really helps to understand the model better with all its nuance, and with more detailed understanding the change process becomes more natural.

[Logan]

I have read Spiral Dynamics. I'll skim through it again and highlight the things I'm missing. I'll look specifically at the 6 conditions of MEME change and moving through the spiral. Good point about life conditions and direct experience.

[Snader]

21 minutes ago, Logan said:

I have read Spiral Dynamics. I'll skim through it again and highlight the things I'm missing. I'll look specifically at the 6 conditions of MEME change and moving through the spiral. Good point about life conditions and direct experience.

Oh, okay, so you have taken a deeper look at the model then.

Well, with me even though I know Orange is not taking me to where I'm aiming towards, I've learned its importance in my life, especially because I still have Orange survival components in my life. I kind of need to keep a portion of that ''chasing cheese in a maze'' effect active, to have the correct balance to properly function in life and also for the sake of healthy development. At the same time that I'm pushing forwards, I see the need for that cheese getting thinner and thinner and I intuitively know it's going to vanish eventually, but I let it do so naturally.

What kind of aspects your life or ''survival'' is made of? Do you have situations you are involved in that are mostly in Orange or lower domains? Like work, entertainment, friends, family, sports? If so, those will have an effect of keeping you down. It might not seem that way, but if you interact with those people or activities, they certainly have that sneaky effect and it shows itself sneakily in your psyche, when you're trying to evolve. You can do 2 things with them, you can either eliminate them (which might cause an ego backlash) or you can learn to find a place for them for the time being and with understanding and intelligence cope with them in a proper way, in a way they don't get a too big of an edge on you.

[gettoefl]

self halt is more key that self help

[Leo Gura]

Don't forget to enjoy life.

[Intraplanetary]

5 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

Yes, you sound yellow. You've self-diagnosed yourself and offered up a solution before even asking for help from others

how does this indicate Stage Yellow? 

For me it's more like self-awareness and self-awareness can be in any stage; stage Blue as well. Like if I said. I worked too much and focused on trivial things. but now i know better because i experienced it so i'll focus on things that i think are more important at this time. it's reasoning 

Edited July 20, 2021 by Intraplanetary

[Nahm]

7 hours ago, Logan said:

I can't let go of my focus on working towards actualizing my goals, to the detriment of my present self. 

Proper meditation is the key. There is not a you being or remaining present. Meditation eases and naturally drops the suffering, which is the duality via believing the thoughts in regard to all the claiming. When focus and goals aren’t clung to as yours, beauty & presence are clearly you, and all experience is the icing on you-cake, and all apparent unfolding now is a mysterious miracle. No ‘you in a past’ or ‘you in a future’ or ‘you being improved’ or ‘you being helped’ confusion. Transversing traps (concepts) isn’t realizing no trap, it’s a still yet lingering ‘what I should be’, the same “I” which meditates, but no one every has, will or could, meditate. 

[RendHeaven]

@Intraplanetary Logan basically said "I used to be green, now I'm struggling with orange..." by process of elimination, all that's left is yellow  

[Logan]

@Snader Most of my survival needs are in Orange. I will deal with the distractions in my life which do not bring me joy or fulfillment.  
I am comfortable dealing with ego backlash, not worried about that. Dealt with much worse before.

@Leo Gura I will make it a priority to have enjoy myself on a regular basis from now on.

@Nahm

6 hours ago, Nahm said:

Proper meditation is the key. 

Ah, I haven’t been sitting still or breathing deeply during my meditation. I will correct this.

Edited July 20, 2021 by Logan

[Intraplanetary]

51 minutes ago, RendHeaven said:

@Intraplanetary Logan basically said "I used to be green, now I'm struggling with orange..." by process of elimination, all that's left is yellow  

it doesn't indicate a person is yellow. To transition to stage 2 is quite a big thing and we always overestimate where we're on the spiral. 

[Logan]

@Intraplanetary 

1 hour ago, Intraplanetary said:

we always overestimate where we're on the spiral. 

Do we?

[Intraplanetary]

17 minutes ago, Logan said:

@Intraplanetary 

Do we?

yeah + most ppl just talk about SD and assume they are yellow.

Edited July 20, 2021 by Intraplanetary

[Animo]

Expanding on what Leo said, I recently read The Four Agreements and this story seems kind of relevant:

(Copy pasted this from an article)

In The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz tells the story of a man who wanted to transcend his suffering. So he goes to a Buddhist temple to find a Master to help. He asks the master “Master, if I meditate four hours a day, how long will it take me to transcend?”

The Master looked at him and said, “If you meditate four hours a day, perhaps you will transcend in ten years.”

Thinking he could do better, the man then said, “Oh Master, what if I meditated eight hours a day, how long will it take me to transcend?”

The Master looked at him and said, “If you meditate eight hours a day, perhaps you will transcend in twenty years.”

“But why will it take me longer if I meditate more?” the man asked.

The Master replied, “You are not here to sacrifice your joy or your life. You are here to live, to be happy and to love. If you can do your best in two hours of meditation, but you spend eight hours instead, you will only grow tired, miss the point, and you won’t enjoy your life.”

....................

So anyway, I know it's your life and you get to live and express it in any way you wanna, so I don't know if this is helpful. I just know I recognize myself when you talk about overworking, and I wanted to chime in with a thing I read yesterday. Yea.

I guess I'm just not sure what your methods of self-improvement are, but if they don't include having fairly frequent adventures and cool stuff like that, then it just feels like the mistake I used to make. But really I know nothing about you lol so maybe that's not what you truly need.

[Nahm]

@Logan

Sweet. The stillness is a game changer. 

[Logan]

@Animo Yeah I can relate for sure, thanks for chiming in. Will definitely take some adventures and enjoy life more