How to get over the hurt caused by an ex boyfriend ?

[Preety_India]

So last year I came out of this toxic relationship. And I'm very glad I did.

The thing is he contacted me again to ask for forgiveness. And he began complimenting me telling me that I'm a wonderful person, blah blah blah as he usually does..So I told him that I have forgjven him. He acted like he is missing me too much.The thing is it triggered all those pent up emotions of hurt and pain that he had caused during the relationship. So I angrily and resentfully texted him back that I have forgiven him.

And the next thing he said is that he still cares about me. 

He left me messages over a  two month period where he would say things like 

"Where are you? I miss you"

"How is your mom?" 

"How are you?" 

" How could you forget me?" 

Messages that make me emotional or remind me of the time I spent with him and the whole toxic relationship I had with him where he would play mind games.

I don't like his emotional  manipulation. 

At the same time, I haven't been able to get over all the hurt.

I want to know what perspective will help me heal faster from all the hurt.

Was I being very rude in texting my reply to him ? What do you think of my message to him ? Was it very rude? He was being kind. But I don't find his kindness genuine. I just see more manipulation. 

I used to trust him a lot ..but he used to break my trust all the time, so I never trust him again. His compliments is also manipulation in my mind.

How to move on without feeling hurt/bitter ?

And how to not give a shit anymore about him.

These are the messages I sent him when he told me that he cares about me

 

 

 

[Roy]

The "I don't need your caring. I have better people to care about me." was way too abrasive, and unwarranted. Everything else was reasonable though.

There isn't much else to do. You forgive him and want to move on in your life. He is just being needy.

It should be hard to block him. Once you stop being reminded of him he probably won't come up again in your mind.

[Preety_India]

He texted me back even when I tried to end the conversation by saying bye.

I hate his balls.

He has the gall to compliment me after leaving me in pain and hurting me so much 

I get too much anger how neatly he acts and doesn't take responsibility for all the hurt caused and tries to make it look alright when I don't feel alright at all.

I hate his guts that he makes me feel as though I'm wrong for feeling hurt.

 

Like f him. I feel so much anger at his audacity.

 

 

He doesn't let me end a conversation. He is a narcissist. 

He tried to use me and makes it look cool. 

He always tries to win and makes me feel wrong all the time and tries to have an upper hand. 

I'm done with his narcissistic mind games where he is feeling all cool and comfy meanwhile I cry feeling all the pain.

He used to mock me. He is good at mind games.

I have forgiven him. He needs to shut the f up because every word hurts.

He always has to have the last word even when I'm walking away and ending the conversation.

 

Edited July 20, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

I can't block him permanently because I still care about him somewhere in my heart..so I don't feel like blocking him.

Although I don't have any romantic feelings for him, blocking him feels like I'm being too cruel to him because I know that he wants to talk to me still.

He tells me to not go away.

But I'm so so so  angry. 

I don't talk to him usually.

I reply rarely after receiving a boatload of messages from him.

 

The same complimentary bullshit messages

How can a person act like they don't understand my hurt ?

 

As though his compliments are going to heal me ??????

 

[Preety_India]

 

He gave a heart emoji  to my text where I tell him "bye"

Like how dare he ?

I'm sick of such games.

I feel like he is mocking me again.

 

 

 

Edited July 20, 2021 by Preety_India

[Roy]

3 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

I can't block him permanently because I still care about him somewhere in my heart..so I don't feel like blocking him.

Although I don't have any romantic feelings for him, blocking him feels like I'm being too cruel to him because I know that he wants to talk to me still.

 

1 minute ago, Preety_India said:

I'm sick of such games.

Therein precisely lies your problem - You want to be respected and move on from things, but you aren't willing to pay the cost for it.

You can't have your cake and eat it too.

The only games you are playing are with yourself.

Adults don't play games, children do. Cut it out and block him.

[Nos7algiK]

The anger towards him is unjustified. You are self aware enough in this situation to understand what must be done, yet you don't. Because of this, you can only blame yourself for any negative feeling you may have from here on out. It is not him, it is you because you are allowing this to happen. Stop allowing it to happen and block him. Be nice about it, or neutral, and never turn back.

Don't allow your feelings to trap you in a situation like this. Your feelings may feel real, but they are warped. Until you can fully love yourself and detach from people such as him or just the idea of wanting to be loved in general. You will forever find yourself in these situations. For every situation you get into, the more you allow it, the more hindsight will show you the problem was never them but rather always you. Once you accept this fully you can then in turn take your power back and structure your life out of a new paradigm that radiates self love. This will act as a beacon someone will naturally see and will attract a healthy partner in your life that you can grow with.

Again, blocking him is the only way. If you can not do this, then there is no hope for the situation. It will continue to breed toxicity until the consequences of remaining in the situation grow evermore. If you truly do care for him, then do the right thing and disconnect from him so the pain that is causing both of you goes away. It may sting at first, but I promise you in the end only liberation is waiting.