Distinguishing between projection and actuality

[Soulife96]

I'm asking this because at work the other day, this one colleague really got to me and annoyed me. The way I rationalized it was that he was being implicitly careless and implicitly arrogant. Then I asked myself if it was me projecting but then I asked another colleague if he noticed the same or felt the same way about that person. He agreed with me. But then again, he could also be projecting. Is there a way to distinguish projection from reality? Or is there no difference? Is everything, 100% everything projection, always? Cause I'm open to that possibility too. 

Edited July 19, 2021 by Soulife96
Clarification and contextualization

[Leo Gura]

Stop all thought. There you go. No more projection.

[Thought Art]

47 minutes ago, Soulife96 said:

I'm asking this because at work the other day, this one colleague really got to me and annoyed me. The way I rationalized it was that he was being implicitly careless and implicitly arrogant. Then I asked myself if it was me projecting but then I asked another colleague if he noticed the same or felt the same way about that person. He agreed with me. But then again, he could also be projecting. Is there a way to distinguish projection from reality? Or is there no difference? Is everything, 100% everything projection, always? Cause I'm open to that possibility too. 

This is something I am working on too. I think you will find that there is a lot of not knowing involved with human relationships. But the thoughts, projections and emotions we deal with are always a chance for greater self understanding and cosmic insight.

Don't take other peoples reactions to heart, or waste time worrying about what others think. But, do become an apprentice of human behaviour. 

Projections are happening all the time. 

Use other peoples reactions as lessons for understanding yourself as well.

This is the whole trap of looking for others for validation. Become grounded in your own truth, open heart and thick spine. One fool asks another fool for an opinion and gets a fools opinions. 

Maybe ground yourself in how you want the situation to go, and just go with that. I usually lead with kindness and openness once I ground myself after an awkward situation. But, if the other person is to caught up in ego and projection blaming and demonizing you. Just, step back and do your job. Be kind, but they aren't your responsibility. 

Simply observe. Breath. 

The amount of time and joy I've wasted worrying about what others think of me is sickening.

Almost all human interaction uses 'transference' (the umbrella term projection falls under) because other than our physical bodies we are interacting with these highly complex social games built off past experiences, future expectations and often unconscious rules and self images... Most people are so concerned with themselves, self reflect little and have moods, tempers, expectations of others that are just ridiculous. People have so much going on under the hood...

But also, self reflect and check yourself maybe you were being ignorant as well and need to adjust how you treat co-workers.

The sooner we ground ourselves in cosmic truth the better imo. 

Obviously we want healthy relationships but that starts with more self understanding, and not looking to control or pick apart the motivations of others. 

If I notice myself projecting, which is always happening but sometimes is less accurate than other times I generally start using "I think" or "I feel" or "I want" or neutral observation statements instead of telling someone else they are projecting. This is because it's always happening anyway and this way I can communicate in a more non-violent sort of way.

My general rule of thumb is to understand, be understood and create harmony with those around me. Storms are inevitable and mistakes will happen. But, if the other party is too busy playing ego games to communicate then, there is not much you can do.

Edited July 19, 2021 by Thought Art

[WelcometoReality]

@Soulife96 Reality is the way it is. Was the annoyance because you believed he should be another way than he is?

@Leo Gura yeah but if try to stop all thought and you'll have a whole lot more thought though.

Edited July 19, 2021 by WelcometoReality

[Soulife96]

@WelcometoReality that's very interesting. It did cross my mind after I observed my thought at that moment, and yes, you're right. Then it's about detaching from expectations of other's behavior.

I've been very concerned about controlling my own reactions to what people do (cause that's the only thing I can control), that I've forgotten that expecting people to be a certain way, is indirectly controlling them. Thank you for the insight. Peace. 

[RendHeaven]

I've come to realize for myself that all perceived annoyance is projection.

Edited July 19, 2021 by RendHeaven

[Soulife96]

@Thought Art I totally see your point. Thank you. However, my question is more orientated toward the dilemma (or perception of a dilemma) of: is it projection, or is it not so much of a projection, and I'm just making myself believe it's a projection to play the victim role? I hope that wasn't too check out my reply to Welcometoreality, maybe that can clarify things. Thanks again 

[Soulife96]

@RendHeaven that rings true. Do you think that makes all annoyance illegitimate? 

[WelcometoReality]

Just now, Soulife96 said:

@WelcometoReality that's very interesting. It did cross my mind after I observed my thought at that moment, and yes, you're right. Then it's about detaching from expectations of other's behavior.

I've been very concerned about controlling my own reactions to what people do (cause that's the only thing I can control), that I've forgotten that expecting people to be a certain way, is indirectly controlling them. Thank you for the insight. Peace. 

?

Beliefs usually have a feeling component to it as well. Notice it and let it arise and pass and don't surpress it. If you do you'll be a walking pressure boiler. ?

[RendHeaven]

17 minutes ago, Soulife96 said:

@RendHeaven that rings true. Do you think that makes all annoyance illegitimate? 

The feeling of annoyance is legitimate as a sensation arising - the fact that it is happening at all gives it validity.

Just be careful to notice the active role you yourself play in maintaining this feeling/sensation.

The mistake is to pretend that you have nothing to do with it - to ascribe the sensation to an "external world."

In fact, you had everything to do with it. It's fully within your power to literally erase all trace of annoyance instantaneously.

Counter-intuitively, you erase it through acceptance - embracing that it is happening, and respecting its validity.

The more you deny it or spin circles in your mind about it, the more fuel you add to the fire, and the more the monster rages and the more you start thinking that the external world must be encroaching on you.

Edited July 19, 2021 by RendHeaven

[Thought Art]

40 minutes ago, Soulife96 said:

@Thought Art I totally see your point. Thank you. However, my question is more orientated toward the dilemma (or perception of a dilemma) of: is it projection, or is it not so much of a projection, and I'm just making myself believe it's a projection to play the victim role? I hope that wasn't too check out my reply to Welcometoreality, maybe that can clarify things. Thanks again 

Yeah, that is the whole thing.

Observe it. Projections go outward and inward.

Even as I write this, I am projecting.

[Soulife96]

27 minutes ago, RendHeaven said:

The feeling of annoyance is legitimate as a sensation arising - the fact that it is happening at all gives it validity.

Just be careful to notice the active role you yourself play in maintaining this feeling/sensation.

The mistake is to pretend that you have nothing to do with it - to ascribe the sensation to an "external world."

In fact, you had everything to do with it. It's fully within your power to literally erase all trace of annoyance instantaneously.

Counter-intuitively, you erase it through acceptance - embracing that it is happening, and respecting its validity.

The more you deny it or spin circles in your mind about it, the more fuel you add to the fire, and the more the monster rages and the more you start thinking that the external world must be encroaching on you.

Would you say that "standing up for yourself" and setting healthy boundaries is part of the latter option you mentioned? (Adding fuel to the fire, etc)

[Thought Art]

6 minutes ago, Soulife96 said:

Would you say that "standing up for yourself" and setting healthy boundaries is part of the latter option you mentioned? (Adding fuel to the fire, etc)

Yeah, just be assertive. Sometimes we are 'nice' and we end up wondering about all this projection bs. Which is valid but sometimes you just gotta be assertive and tell people your boundaries.

[Matt23]

Holy eff... this projection issue is like my demon.  Am I in the wrong or are they?  Should I confront or should I let go?  Is it something or nothing?  Is it me or them? 

Who fucking knows?  It's kinda hard.  I get a sense that no matter what, you'll never be 100% sure without inhabiting the other person's pov.  Even then, they could be completely unconscious as to what a part of themselves is doing.  

Tricky shit.  

@Leo Gura I'd really appreciate if you did a video on Projection, how to navigate it, how to discern if one's picking up on something true of false, and what to do about it.  I think it would be helpful to lots of people and would be a great foundational and practical self-help subject.

Edited July 19, 2021 by Matt23

[RendHeaven]

29 minutes ago, Soulife96 said:

Would you say that "standing up for yourself" and setting healthy boundaries is part of the latter option you mentioned? (Adding fuel to the fire, etc)

Context matters, so I cannot say definitively.

Generally I'm in favor of setting social boundaries without any festering resentment;

- as opposed to setting social boundaries with festering resentment.

The difference is the amount of inner work you've done on yourself. Inner work shouldn't get in the way of social action.

You can do both!

Edited July 19, 2021 by RendHeaven

[Hulia]

2 hours ago, Soulife96 said:

Is everything, 100% everything projection, always? Cause I'm open to that possibility too. 

What? It´s a dangerous way of thinking. You would let all the wicked things happen in the world. Because you´d think: Oh, it´me, only my projection, no assholes around, only pinky unicorns and undeveloped me projecting them to villains

[Soulife96]

4 minutes ago, Hulia said:

What? It´s a dangerous way of thinking. You would let all the wicked things happen in the world. Because you´d think: Oh, it´me, only my projection, no assholes around, only pinky unicorns and undeveloped me projecting them to villains

Wow. Thank you. That makes a lot of sense. So is it just a matter of knowing when and when it's not projection and using your own intuition to tell which?

 

3 minutes ago, Hulia said:

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Soulife96]

8 minutes ago, RendHeaven said:

Context matters, so I cannot say definitively.

Generally I'm in favor of setting social boundaries without any festering resentment;

- as opposed to setting social boundaries with festering resentment.

The difference is the amount of inner work you've done on yourself. Inner work shouldn't get in the way of social action.

You can do both!

Thank you, I think I understand now. I need to do more self inquiry still. But I'm slowly chipping off bullshit. 

[Gesundheit2]

It may be better to differentiate between judgement and projection instead.

Judgement is more neutral, it can be either right or wrong, it's based on data and information, and it's more rational but it doesn't necessarily undermine emotions.

Projection is a defense mechanism that many people use in order to protect vulnerable/shadow parts of their psyche. It's mostly about the person who is projecting, regardless of whether it matches the reality of the other person. Projection is mostly emotional and lacks rationality.

Edited July 19, 2021 by Gesundheit2

[Leo Gura]

5 hours ago, WelcometoReality said:

 

@Leo Gura yeah but if try to stop all thought and you'll have a whole lot more thought though.

That's what years of meditation is for.

You don't use ego to stop thoughts, you gradually calm the mind down over years of practice of surrendering and letting go.