How to Settle Down (If you Wanna ;) )

[OneHandClap]

Howdy all. 

I am a married dude, and I am quite happy being married. Most of this section of the forum seems to be related to dating and pickup, which is fine, but if you are someone interested in settling down with someone, maybe you will find this information useful. Maybe not. It's like, your life, dude. 

The most important thing, first and last, to a successful marriage is being content with what arises.

There's really no other secret bullet. What often keeps us in a loop of date, sex, separate, repeat is the idea that there is a perfect partner or experience waiting for us. You might compare it to blackjack. If you're at a 10, you keep saying "hit," hoping to get a number closer to 21. The only catch is that you might find yourself at 18, or 19, or even 20, and not have the gusto to stand. 

In the context of settling down, this means that if you enjoy the person's company, feel that they help you grow, and are tired of seeking new encounters, it's perfectly fine to lay down some roots and put a ring on it. I'm not a marriage/divorce lawyer, so I have little advice on that front. All I can say is that since being married (not recently), my mind has been clearer than ever. 

This is, I suspect, because the survival drive linked to constant reproductive anxiety is conquered in some measure. You are no longer seeking a man or woman to fulfill that human urge to spread your genes. You can build a foundation that feels very comforting to the human organism. This, in turn, means your energy is freed up to work on creative projects and devote your sexual attraction to one person that is accepting of you.

Note, of course, that this applies to a happy marriage. If you are miserable, get the hell out. Just as fast as marriages replenish your energy, they can also drain them in the wrong situation. 

But if you do happen to find someone who's great, and you feel at peace with them, that's a good sign. Awakening means finding contentment in the shape of the present, no matter its form. And marriage is a constant challenge to the ego that desires something new and shiny every few minutes. Commitment is the grinding stone that wears away at selfishness and lust for new mates. 

Just my two cents. Ask away if you have any questions. 

[Godishere]

Hey bro, interesting topic. Would you care to read the topic I just posted and tell me your opinion on the matter?

Thanks man

[OneHandClap]

12 hours ago, Godishere said:

Hey bro, interesting topic. Would you care to read the topic I just posted and tell me your opinion on the matter?

Thanks man

Sure, I'll take a peek!

[Surfingthewave]

@OneHandClap Good post, refreshing, honest and very true. 

Marriage or significant commitment instead of casual sex/ frantic seeking the perfect other has had a bad rep of late. Actually committing to someone can bring great freedom. Even if that someone is yourself.

You don't have to be in relationship to be happy and fulfilled but if you do want one, marriage or commitment can bring you this and more. 

In terms of Enlightenment work it can move you on leaps and bounds, it can release creativity and heavy stuff. As you say it's about sharing this crazy thing called life with another and having as much fun along the way. 

Too many people are obsessed with the surface bs like looks. The thing is you never really know if it's gonna work out. But take a risk and I guarantee it will work out if you want it to. 

For those seeking, seek connection and love and you'll find it. 

Edited July 19, 2021 by Surfingthewave

[OneHandClap]

 

5 hours ago, Surfingthewave said:

@OneHandClap Good post, refreshing, honest and very true. 

Marriage or significant commitment instead of casual sex/ frantic seeking the perfect other has had a bad rep of late. Actually committing to someone can bring great freedom. Even if that someone is yourself.

You don't have to be in relationship to be happy and fulfilled but if you do want one, marriage or commitment can bring you this and more. 

In terms of Enlightenment work it can move you on leaps and bounds, it can release creativity and heavy stuff. As you say it's about sharing this crazy thing called life with another and having as much fun along the way. 

Too many people are obsessed with the surface bs like looks. The thing is you never really know if it's gonna work out. But take a risk and I guarantee it will work out if you want it to. 

For those seeking, seek connection and love and you'll find it. 

I agree! There is nothing wrong with pursuing dating partners or casual sex, but if one desires peace—lasting, unshakable peace—I am inclined to say, either step away from the gambling table or accept what's in your pile of chips wholeheartedly. 

The biggest shock from years of marriage has been the realization that everything grows as you desire it. If you desire hooking up, you will have it. But it may come with untold levels of suffering as a mental result.

Conversely, if you desire to make a marriage work, you will find a way.

"By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." - Socrates