Dating Advice for Women - How to Attract a Man that Mirrors You

[Emerald]

4 hours ago, Consilience said:

Agreed. If a woman was "giving me space" to pursue 75% of the time I would just assume she wasn't interested and move on to a more enthusiastic woman. Mainly because every woman I've been involved with where the dynamic has shifted to this type of polarity, I've essentially pursued her out of my life. 
 

Not all pickup is like this. Real pickup is about teaching a man how to be vulnerable, authentic, and non-apologetic about their sexuality with a woman. There are ways to do it without playing games or being manipulative, and women respond very well to these types of approaches.

I would be interacting enthusiastically with the man in this scenario and making it clear that I like him. I wouldn’t be cold about it. 

I just would set firmer boundaries and let him do more of the legwork during the courtship phase. But once an actual relationship forms 50/50 is good. 

This list is about the initial phase of dating, where a woman is wise to set very firm boundaries and vet a man’s character, compatibility, level of interest, and vision for the future before investing too much of herself. 

[Emerald]

3 hours ago, Consilience said:

I can see how this may apply to the majority of men who start the initial interactions with a sexual intent, but trust me when I say if a man doesn't establish a romantic intent with a woman they're interested in from the get go, there are two huge issues.

That’s what works for men’s agenda. But it doesn’t work for the woman’s agenda. 

A man is more likely to get A woman if he starts out on a romantic foot with a great deal of women. 

But from the woman’s perspective, it’s much better to find a man who is more reserved and selective about who he expresses direct romantic/sexual intent to as it communicates high standards and abundance.

And since women aren’t dealing with scarcity, we don’t have to pick the guy who is trying to find ways to cope with scarcity.

We will usually pick the guy who we feel curious about how he feels about us because this creates tension.

If a man starts on a sexual foot, it is a tell about where he’s at in life. It also robs the tension because it’s boring and women experience that all the time. It’s honestly very lukewarm... not at all hot.

1) The likelihood of a woman placing you into the friendzone is exponentially higher. There are ways with slowly ramping up attraction without starting out as friends. A first date is going to have A LOT of opportunity for platonic development, it would be attraction suicide if a man came in to a first date raging with sexual intent, constantly trying to physically escalate, etc. While it is possible for a man to build the attraction of someone they've established platonic relationships with, the odds are VERY unlikely. 

Sounds like a scarcity mindset that you have. Adopt an abundance mindset and stop worrying about who puts you in the friend zone. Be more selective to communicate higher value as a man. 

2) This is even more important - If a man is physically attracted to a woman and isn't honest about that attraction, this is extremely beta.

A man will know he’s physically attracted to me right away.

But this is a very low bar of interest that I pass for 70%+ of men, and it’s best not to respond to men who approach women solely based on looks. Most of that attention is spam.

A man that’s good relationship material will be a bit more reserved about expressing sexual interest, as he will be looking to get to know a woman a bit better before pursuing.

Also, a good potential partner, will be aware that women get attention like that all the time. And he will be considerate of her boundaries before approaching the topic of romance. He won’t want to come off in a way that makes her uncomfortable or sends up red flags.

Your strategy seems to be geared towards attracting a man. This issue is that men know within the first couple of minutes, for sure within the first interaction/hangout whether they're attracted to a woman. So if you, as a woman, are going after a man who you've established a platonic relationship with, either a) He's basically been lying about not having any attraction for you which is a huge red flag; you want a man who is HONEST, authentic, vulnerable, and un-apologetic about their attraction and sexuality. b) He wasn't very attracted to you in the first place, otherwise he wouldn't have let things play out as "friends." A man with a strong masculine presence won't accept the friendzone if he's attracted to a woman. If she's not into him sexually, s'all good, but friendship is not an option. To comprise into friendship would be dis-owning one's sexual interest and would be a direct lack of congruency. 

And this is why I would advise women looking for a serious relationship to screen you out. I need at least acquaintanceship to know if I’m even remotely interested and a few months time to develop feelings. And a man who’s not open to friendship with a woman he’s attracted to is a red flag.

If that man is only in it for sex, possibly yes. But as a man who is high value, not dangerous, and not only interested in meaningless sex, a woman would be losing out with me if she followed this advice, and to her detriment. That may sound quite conceded, but it is what it is. "I am the prize" afterall.

Generally, I wouldn’t recommend a woman get involved with a man with your views and methods. Too much of a gamble. You might be fine, but most men with your views are a liability.

But intuition should do 80% of the work. But neither should she ignore red flags, and expressing romantic intent right away is one of them.

Besides, there are plenty of high value woman who would not only NOT have an issue with things starting out romantically, but would appreciate the fact that the man isn't going to hide their attraction. It's quite attractive for women for a man to not hide their intent. 

It’s just boring when a man you don’t know approaches you with sexual intent. It’s like being approached by the people selling perfume at kiosks at the mall. 

Women usually take some time to be receptive to a man’s advances. 

The masculine purser mode is more about chasing after goals, their life purpose. Feminine energy is more about the pursuit and creation of relationships, family, and all of that jazz. A man who is overly concerned with this type of pursuit I would argue is more in their feminine which is very unattractive. A woman will start dropping signs when she's ready to move into a formal relationship. A man should pursue of course, but I would vehemently disagree with the idea that 1) woman like men to chase them (every woman I've "chased" has either strung me along, or it's killed the polarity and therefore attraction. Many many many anecdotes confirm this is not just me) 2) it's a masculine role to chase/pursue after relationships.

That’s probably because you were chasing out of a sense of desperation and scarcity... not out of embodying masculine energy.

Just because a woman is doing the same amount or even a higher percentage of the pursuing does not mean she'll automatically question the man's interest. Giving a high quality man this amount of space is a recipe for letting him go, because for better or worse, there is an abundance of women out there who have no issues actively pursuing men who reciprocate that pursuit with facilitating dates, romance, and a love story.

I’ve pursued men before. Half of my relationships have begun that way. That’s why I don’t recommend it. It’s not a good strategy for finding a partner who’s really interested in commitment. 

A high quality man living in an abundance of woman, looking for that high quality woman, will not be tripping out over the aloof woman. He'll be too busy living his life purpose and getting hit up by enthusiastic high quality women to keep up that level of effort. Or he'll move on and find a woman who's more enthusiastic. 

If a man’s not willing to court a woman properly and just moves onto the next woman, then he has done her a favor by sorting himself.

It isn’t about being aloof. It’s about being selective. Men never appreciate what’s easy for them. Women who make themselves too available to a man before a commitment is made, won’t inspire a man to rise to the occasion.

 

[Preety_India]

1 hour ago, Emerald said:

 

I just would set firmer boundaries and let him do more of the legwork during the courtship phase. But once an actual relationship forms 50/50 is good. 

 

This sounds like a good strategy.

 

[Etherial Cat]

Great list of principles. This match my experience and puts it to words brilliantly.

[Consilience]

@Emerald Well we can agree to disagree. Ive had wonderful results doing calibrated cold approaches where sexual intent was established within the first few seconds. Wonderful in terms of the receptivity of the women involved. There are ways to be non-creepy, calibrated, and non-manipulative where both parties feel better at the end whether the exchange ends in a number exchange or not. So I find it interesting you think its boring if a guy approaches you with sexual intent; It sounds like this is your personal preference or the guys that have approached you havent done it well.

Also there’s a very high percentage of successful relationships that start via online dating which is of course sexual from the beginning.

Perhaps your advice would work for women but guaranteed it wont work for men. And let me reemphasize, if a man is sexually interested in a woman and is hiding those feelings behind friendship, this is about as incongruent with masculine energy as you can get. If a man is pretending to only be interested as friends, this is literally lying to the woman with a hidden agenda that they’ll somehow convince her to have sex with him if only he warms her up after enough time. Not only is this NOT how women operate in the real world, this is male manipulation at its finest.  This is why Im suggesting friendship isnt an option. And so as a guy, I would warn women to screen out these types of men given that I know what the headspace of a guy willing to do that is because I used to be that guy. 

I 100% agree that women need time and space to develop feelings. A lot of time and space at times. However, to think this must happen within the context of a platonic relationship is just more space for manipulation and hidden agendas, mainly on the end of the guy. A high value male simply would assume the girl isnt interested and because they are high value, they’d just move on. All Im saying is be careful with this mindset. If you found the right guy, I doubt you’d need a couple of months pretending to be friends.

Overall great list though. I would simply suggest continue to contemplate and consider this specific point. Or not. 

[Emerald]

3 minutes ago, Consilience said:

@Emerald Well we can agree to disagree. Ive had wonderful results doing calibrated cold approaches where sexual intent was established within the first few seconds. Wonderful in terms of the receptivity of the women involved.

Good for you guys. But it's still really not a good strategy, so I'd never recommend it.

For women, this would be a gamble. And gambling with strange men is bad strategy at best and dangerous at worst. That doesn't mean it's never worked out. It just doesn't work out most of the time and the consequences of making a bad gamble can be disastrous.

There are ways to be non-creepy, calibrated, and non-manipulative where both parties feel better at the end whether the exchange ends in a number exchange or not. So I find it interesting you think its boring if a guy approaches you with sexual intent; It sounds like this is your personal preference or the guys that have approached you havent done it well.

This is more general. Women's sexual desired tend to be more pointed and selective than men's sexual desires. So, they will tend to be interested in a particular guy (who they already know) where men are interested in women in general.

And there's very good reason for that to be that way, because a woman's intuition works more slowly and is geared toward sussing out a match on many different layers of personality. And if a woman jumps right into it with a guy, she's leaving a lot of her feminine powers off the table.

Now, women get lonely and might abdicate these standards and jump right into it with some random stranger. But it's not good strategy if you're looking for a fulfilling relationship.

Fast is what men like best. But slow is best for women.

Also there’s a very high percentage of successful relationships that start via online dating which is of course sexual from the beginning.

There could be. It's a gamble. And again... gambling isn't a good strategy. 

Perhaps your advice would work for women but guaranteed it wont work for men.

Men are not the selectors, we are. We don't have to make it work for men. That's not our role within the mating dance. And a woman is very wise to remember this.

We just screen out the ones who are unable or unwilling to make it work for us. Having high but reasonable standards for what we will and won't accept in terms of male behavior, is a woman's best friends in her role as a selector.

As a selector, our role within the mating dance is to recognize our worth and abundance of options and sort the wheat from the chaff.

For men, as the pursuer within the mating dance the job is to attract and make his case. This is why courtship is something men do for women and not the other way around. 

And let me reemphasize, if a man is sexually interested in a woman and is hiding those feelings behind friendship, this is about as incongruent with masculine energy as you can get. If a man is pretending to only be interested as friends, this is literally lying to the woman with a hidden agenda that they’ll somehow convince her to have sex with him if only he warms her up after enough time. Not only is this NOT how women operate in the real world, this is male manipulation at its finest.  This is why Im suggesting friendship isnt an option. And so as a guy, I would warn women to screen out these types of men given that I know what the headspace of a guy willing to do that is because I used to be that guy. 

Again, if a man approaches you sexually without knowing you for a bit first, it tells you something about his personality. It means he does that for lots of women on a fairly shallow basis. Men who are in a rush and wear their sexuality on their sleeves like that tend to be a bad choice in partners. And I recommend sorting this kind of man.

I 100% agree that women need time and space to develop feelings. A lot of time and space at times. However, to think this must happen within the context of a platonic relationship is just more space for manipulation and hidden agendas, mainly on the end of the guy.

My experiences don't bare that out. Your best chance for finding a good partner is to get to know him platonically within the context of a wider social circle. This gives the feminine intuition time to work. And if a man feels compelled to spill his sexual feeling all over a woman upon first meeting... this is not a good prospect for a relationship.

A high value male simply would assume the girl isnt interested and because they are high value, they’d just move on. All Im saying is be careful with this mindset. If you found the right guy, I doubt you’d need a couple of months pretending to be friends.

I don't really think you understand the dynamic I'm talking about. Having a guy within your wider social circle means that you see him frequently and have a good idea of his MO.

So, a perfect example would be if you're taking a class and there's a guy in the class you fancy from afar. This gives the ability for things to grow organically in a platonic context, which is what feels best and is best from the female perspective.

And if you have a rich social circle, there is no need to settle for a man who has little restraint or tact. 

Overall great list though. I would simply suggest continue to contemplate and consider this specific point. Or not. 

I definitely know that this bit of advice is very good for a woman. Though I understand that it might not feel that way because it is against your agenda and MO. You are more likely to be more prolific with women if you cast the net wide and start the relationship with sexual intent. But the type of man who casts the net wide and starts the relationship with sexual intent is usually going to be a poor prospect from the female perspective. And I would never recommend it within my list of strategies. 

 

[Emerald]

3 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

Great list of principles. This match my experience and puts it to words brilliantly.

Thank you!  

[LordFall]

Sorry to revive this but this is one of the best posts I've ever read on this forum, it's so interesting in so many different ways. @Emerald you did a really good job posting a real guide for women that have a specific agenda(finding a healthy compatible long-term relationship) and how to screen out the men that don't fit the agenda and the post was so good that it itself worked in screening out the men that replied to it! Holy what a loop, I'm impressed. 

On 7/17/2021 at 10:47 PM, Emerald said:

You’d be best to cultivate a really wide social circle for it, with several layers.

Like being familiar with 600+ people in your in-person or online vicinity, and always being open to meeting more.

Having 140-150 acquaintances within that 600 that you interact with occasionally.

Then having 30 or so friends that you see at least once a month and would invite to parties and get-togethers.

Then having like 5 or so really close friends that you see frequently.

And ideally, you find most of these people in places where people on the same wavelength spend time.

That’s what a healthy dynamic social circle looks like. It’s very similar to the social circle that high school or college sets up. 

So, you don’t really run out of options. And people who you just met can become really close friends of yours or even lovers over relatively short periods of time. 

This is a really great point that I see basically everyone(both men and women) ignore. Tribes are really important and your life satisfaction will be poor without it. Especially your point about women experiencing men in their natural context, that's a magical one. 

@The men replying to this post that are confused, this advice is not meant for you and you shouldn't take it. There is a reason pickup is good for men and not women, it helps you develop yourself beyond the women that would naturally be in your social circle. As a man, you SHOULD go for the spray and pray strategy, dating/sleeping with multiple women is a great way to develop yourself. But the obvious conclusion to this statement is that while you're doing this you are in your UNDERDEVELOPED PHASE and a woman who is herself developed should probably avoid you. 

@All the introvert on this forum(yes, SPECIFICALLY YOU) should develop your social circle to not only have 600 people in it but probably THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS. It is paradoxically the best way to develop a lot of social power without having to constantly socialize.

The programs Social Circle Blueprint/Social Circle Blueprint 2 are amazing for men looking to achieve this. Basically, basic pickup is a really big waste of time and should only be part of your strategy, not the focus of it.

You should develop a lifestyle that exposes you to thousands of different people and therefore sorts them for you. Combining this with social media and for the first time in history, you realistically have the potential to sort through the entire planet and find the best girl/guy for you on EARTH.