Struggling with Blackpill

[aurum]

8 minutes ago, Emerald said:

And I say this with no judgment to them. I’ve been there before. But I tend to suspect it’s a sign of emotional troubles to be receptive to men doing cold approach.

Yeah I can understand that.

When I say not to totally dismiss cold approach, I'm imagining one-off scenarios where perhaps a guy is not with his social circle and happens to come across a girl he wants to talk to. Maybe they're at the airport or grocery store or whatever. In that case, if it feels right, I think the guy should still go for it. I wouldn't be super heavy handed about it, keep it friendly, keep it light. But rather than ignoring that intuition in favor of a rule in his head that says "cold approach doesn't work", I'd say do it.

[Emerald]

13 minutes ago, SamC said:

@EmeraldWtf who decides this? You?

You can't say that men are not missunderstood, that only makes men who are missunderstood more missunderstood and proves my point.

It's not about who is repressed or who is the bad guy. It's about acknowledging that both men and woman missunderstand/shame eachother for everything becuase men feel hurt by woman and woman feel hurt by men.

Both are enmeshed in their own trauma.

Of fucking course woman have been  repressed by men for milina, I am not denying anything or saying that woman isn't missunderstood or missunderstood less, like Idc who is what. 

Woman have suffered enormously ( + 10000 * more than men)  and still do and men need to understand woman a loooot better ( me included) don't come with the argument that woman shouldn't try to understand men better and acknowlde their feelings as real and legitimate and instead falsely them with that's just what they " feel". You do the same thing to men that men do to you. Notice that!

Yes but notice that it is a wound that have created a split in all womans psychie, hence woman have learned to do the same thing to yourself and to other people.

The oppression of woman and feminity have made woman push men and masculinity away from them. 

If I would punsh someone, I first need to missunderstand you/ see the person  as separate from me. When that then happens the person who is punished will separate even more from me which only enhances the separation and the pattern repeats.

Of course woman pushes men away, it's understandable but also notice that in order to heal - the femine must murge with the shadow again. The femine and masculine must unity and understand eachother.

@Preety_IndiaSure I 100% agree but it goes both ways. It's about learning to understand EVERYONE and making EVERYONE feel loved. Not just men or woman.

Maybe I am missing, something. I probably am missing something that I am not aware of that I'll be able to see clearly in a couple of months... but men are also missunderstood and deserves to be understood just like woman do.

When either part denies the feelings of the other - division, shaming and hatred occurs. When both parties tries to understand eachoter, love and union occurs.

 

I do understand and empathize with men quite well. And I’m always working to understand people more and more because it’s part of my life purpose. 

So, there’s nothing in what I said that suggests that women shouldn’t seek to understand men.

It’s just that you’re moving the goal posts because the issue isn’t the same on both sides. It isn’t a mutual misunderstanding kind of issue.

The issue is that women candidly share their perspectives and men gaslight us about it.

Meanwhile, you’ll notice that women are not gaslighting men about their desires. We accept that men like what they like. We just don’t really resonate with what they like because we like different things. And that’s different than misunderstanding someone.

[aurum]

34 minutes ago, RickyFitts said:

Nice reflections, if we all had your level of self-awareness and self-honesty (and this applies to both men and women), there would be far fewer problems in relationships.

Thank you.

35 minutes ago, RickyFitts said:

Oh boy can I relate to this, I had a seriously unfortunate habit of attracting needy women and they would end up draining me horribly.

Would you say you've broken this pattern? If so, how?

[SamC]

13 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

You're looking to be understood without understanding the other ? Can you notice this ?

 

@Preety_India Yeah and notice that you do the same, can you notice this?   I want to understand though, I want to listen, I want to integrate it and I realize that I don't understand the feminine perspective completely.

The question is however, do you or Emerald want to do the same ? I try to listen, I'm not perfect, I know there are stuff that I can learn. You however already seem to think you know everything and therefor not be intrested in listing to my perspective.

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, SamC said:

@Preety_India Yeah and notice that you do the same, can you notice this?   I want to understand though, I want to listen, I want to integrate it and I realize that I don't understand the feminine perspective completely.

The question is however, do you or Emerald want to do the same ? I try to listen, I'm not perfect, I know there are stuff that I can learn. You however already seem to think you know everything and therefor not be intrested in listing to my perspective.

A woman is more interested in understanding you if you understand their perspective. That's their incentive. 

 

[SamC]

21 minutes ago, Emerald said:

I do understand and empathize with men quite well. And I’m always working to understand people more and more because it’s part of my life purpose. 

So, there’s nothing in what I said that suggests that women shouldn’t seek to understand men.

It’s just that you’re moving the goal posts because the issue isn’t the same on both sides. It isn’t a mutual misunderstanding kind of issue.

The issue is that women candidly share their perspectives and men gaslight us about it.

Meanwhile, you’ll notice that women are not gaslighting men about their desires. We accept that men like what they like. We just don’t really resonate with what they like because we like different things. And that’s different than misunderstanding someone.

@Emerald It can be interrupted that way when you say that men are not missunderstood  XDXD.

It's not nessicarly true, it can happen on both sides. In fact that's exactly what I feel. I want to listen and learn about what you girls struggle with and integrate my feminie side even more but at the same time also be able to share how it feels to me, when girls tell guys how it is from their perspective, when it is only true from the female perspective.

Like for example, when a guy get the girls attraction advice and tell him " be nice to her and love her and be loyal" and then he tries that and gets rejected and sees the girl getting together with a douchebag WHO does the opposite...

And then girls say, " guys don't listen to my relationship advise, huhhh, fuck them" . That makes men feel even more missunderstodd because when they did, they just farled missurble. In that case, men don't listen to woman not because we are evil. We don't listen becuase it doesn't work.

18 minutes ago, SamC said:

@Preety_India Yeah and notice that you do the same, can you notice this?   I want to understand though, I want to listen, I want to integrate it and I realize that I don't understand the feminine perspective completely.

The question is however, do you or Emerald want to do the same ? I try to listen, I'm not perfect, I know there are stuff that I can learn. You however already seem to think you know everything and therefor not be intrested in listing to my perspective.

This is exactly how you feel aswell^^^^ notice this! You do the same thing that men do and feel the same way men feel. Gaslit and missunderstood.

 

Edited July 23, 2021 by SamC

[SamC]

26 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

A woman is more interested in understanding you if you understand their perspective. That's their incentive. 

 

@Preety_India Fair, but notice that in order to solve a conflict - both parts must be willing to listen..  not just one part.

If the other part would already understand there wouldn't be no issue... so either both parts needs to open up and listen to the other part eventhough it might not fully understand itself ( and the other part must do the same) in order to create unity... or separation, anger and resentment will create between the two parts.

In order to solve conflicts. Both parts must be willing to cooperate and get the opportunity to be heard and seen. That's basically couple's therapy 101

As an individual man I want to listen to the problems woman face, but many times it feels like many woman are not interested to listen to me.

Edited July 23, 2021 by SamC

[RickyFitts]

21 minutes ago, aurum said:

Would you say you've broken this pattern? If so, how?

To an extent - I now set much firmer boundaries so that I don't end up repeating the same pattern, though I haven't fully healed the abandonment wound that was at the root of my tendency to attract such women and so I've just avoided relationships altogether, I know from past experience that it won't end well as things stand (and actually, the desire for a relationship hasn't been there). I'm making good progress in that regard, though, a few years back I was suffering with such severe anxiety and depression that I could barely function but I've healed a lot since then; learning how to recognise and take care of my needs was important (I realised that I had a tendency to put other people's needs before my own, I suffered with feelings of guilt and low self-esteem), though an intensive meditation practice is probably what has helped the most.

[Preety_India]

3 minutes ago, SamC said:

Fair, but notice that in order to solve a conflict - both parts must be willing to listen..  not just one part.

This you should say to yourself. You simply say that you're willing to listen to women but don't put the effort. There is no difference between empty words and the word "no" . You're better off saying that you don't want to listen to women than a hypocritical"yes."

 

[RickyFitts]

@Emerald So sorry to hear that you had to endure so much hardship when you were younger, I can't imagine how difficult that must have been for you. It shows how strong you must be that you managed to survive, though 

[Emerald]

3 minutes ago, RickyFitts said:

@Emerald So sorry to hear that you had to endure so much hardship when you were younger, I can't imagine how difficult that must have been for you. It shows how strong you must be that you managed to survive, though 

2009 was a rough year for me. That’s for damn sure. ?

[SamC]

 

14 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

This you should say to yourself. You simply say that you're willing to listen to women but don't put the effort. There is no difference between empty words and the word "no" . You're better off saying that you don't want to listen to women than a hypocritical"yes."

 

@Preety_India More gaslighting. I do want to understand woman and I think I understand woman a lot better than before.. like for real Preety.

I even PM ed you asking for help to understand woman better and you helped me, I genuinely do and if that is not putting in effort I don't know what is. Hell, I even opened up a thread about what I am missing with Jordan Petersen/ feminism and am planning to read books about feminism and more. Stop telling me I don't want to. I know what I want. This just makes me sad and hurt, like come on!

I understand that you don't want to open up to the masculine perspective which have hurt you and all that and that you maybe shouldn't becuase it might be dangerous and almost humiliating after the many times Men have done you or other woman wrong, but please don't say that I don't want to understand woman and that I am a hypocrite. I am not!

 

[Hulia]

Guys, let me clarify something at this point!

@Harlen Kelly don´t try to breake our female solidarity by asking @Preety_India provocative questions!

A am on the side of the women of this forum!

I would even sleep with a guy at the 1st date, if I had known him for longer as a colleague or an aquantance and we had a chance to exchange a couple of words with each other and flirt, and accumulate some tension before the 1st official date.

But if it´s a comletely new guy, a stranger, I would hardly have sex on the 2nd or 3rd date, rather 4th or 5th. Because I won´t have sex, before we BOTH want each other BADLY. 

----- Not just some sex with some body, but EACH OTHER ----

This is crucial for me. 

Ok sometimes it might happen with a stranger on the 2nd date. But seldom. Don´t start your talks about PU tactics. No! It´s not tactics that let me want a guy BADLY. I want him, if he wants me badly. Me, me, me, only me!

If he is casual and has his attention also on other girls, whith whom he might have better chances, or doesn´t speak into my soul , it won´t happen. Or it happens later, when his attention stops on me at last. 4th, 5th date maybe. If it happens earlier, it´s a kind of mystics, some strange force (not PU tools, fools) pulling us together. 

As you see I am generaly telling the same as the other women. With the difference, that I wouldn´t wait 3 months for the mystical force and the unresistable attraction. If it didn´t happen earlier, it would be a sign for me that we don´t  fit together. But I might be wrong of course. 

I don´t want a guy to see it as waste of his time, if he doesn´t get sex with me at the end. If it´s his attitude, there will be no sex. I want him to be happy about every minute spent with me. If it´s a case, he´ll get the most awesome sex.

Edited July 23, 2021 by Hulia

[Hulia]

@ll Ontology ll They all speak here about high quality men and women. But nobody speaks about high quality sex, though this is their ultimate purpose. Does so called high quality woman guarantee high quality sex? 

[RickyFitts]

2 hours ago, Emerald said:

2009 was a rough year for me. That’s for damn sure. ?

That's putting it mildly! 

[RickyFitts]

23 minutes ago, Hulia said:

@ll Ontology ll They all speak here about high quality men and women. But nobody speaks about high quality sex, though this is their ultimate purpose. Does so called high quality woman guarantee high quality sex? 

Fuck yeah, with my idea of a high-quality woman it'd be so hot it'd practically take your face off.

[Preety_India]

13 minutes ago, RickyFitts said:

Fuck yeah, with my idea of a high-quality woman it'd be so hot it'd practically take your face off.

 

 

[Harlen Kelly]

2 hours ago, Hulia said:

@Harlen Kelly don´t try to breake our female solidarity by asking @Preety_India provocative questions!

Gurl power!

[Danioover9000]

@EternalForest

9 hours ago, EternalForest said:

Alright so I've just read your original post and haven't read any replies but when it comes to the Black Pill, let me give it to you straight, man. I used to have a lot of the same negative and defeatist sort of beliefs about women, until I realized one very important thing:

Even if the Black Pill is true, it doesn't matter at all!

It doesn't matter if there isn't a single woman in the entire world wants to have a relationship with you at the moment. Why? Because you need to live your own life.

Do you. Forget about what women want and live your dreams. Pursue your passions. Live the life you've already dreamed of. Be the genuine person that you really want to be.

Once you do this, you'll realize all this sulking and negativity was just a waste of your time. Every moment that you spend bitter about the fact you don't have a girlfriend is one moment that you could be spending pursuing your passions, helping others, building your company, creating your art, and ultimately changing the world. 

And you know what? Once you start living your best life, you'll eventually find the quality women that you have a lot in common with. You'll attract and gravitate towards the women that are perfect for you.

If I were you? Forget that you ever found the Black Pill, get off the internet, and have some fun. Work hard. Play hard.

Wish you the best!

   This is good, solid advice. Way more solid than other advice here.

   If OP is still reading, one thing that makes the black pill seem very true, is that it revolves around the body. That's it, the body's limitations. People are born with what body they have. their head shape, their muscle tone(lean, ripped, puffy muscles, muscle sizes), their bone structures(tall, short, thick), their skin quality(dry vs oil skin types), different brain chemistry and genetics. All these, you have to negotiate around with, seriously, because these parts are the only ones you largely will have for the rest of your life, plus exceptions.

   The brutal reality, for men, is that the face, the skull, and their body composition, that they are born with, will play a factor in attraction. whatever physical qualities they have, and this correlates with higher volumes of rejection, which stockpiles negatives, which make it harder for men who are more uglier naturally. These men have few options, they compensate elsewhere, like developing personality and social intelligence, and try their best to manage with the cards they are dealt with, or they accept these limitations, and like the user said above, go on with life, and do something meaningful in life and forget about this area of life, which dating is one area of life that is skippable. 

[Parththakkar12]

17 hours ago, Emerald said:

The women on here ARE misunderstood and deliberately so.

The men on here FEEL misunderstood when they are not.

Yupp. Just say it out loud. Women are intellectually superior to men. And men are 'STUPID!!' We're starting to see the reality now.

Mods, is this hate-speech?

Edited July 24, 2021 by Parththakkar12