Struggling with Blackpill

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, Harlen Kelly said:

So you are not very much into sex? that explains it. That's atypical.

It does not mean that she is not into sex .it means that she is not into "only sex" 

It means

She is a fully developed female who wants a wholesome experience and not a half baked one.

She wants the whole package of intimacy and intelligence and emotion and not just a Dick!

 

Was this difficult for you to understand ?

 

Edited July 22, 2021 by Preety_India

[Hulia]

3 month is really very long, guys. 3 dates I would say is enough to attain sufficient tension for amazing sex.

Well I had once hugging / touching/ kissing - relationship with my 2 classmates for years without ever ending up with sex. But it was not because of a Big Check or my manipulativeness. They were just not clear about their intentions. They even were looking for a GF and discussed it with me, I even introduced a girl to one of them. But if they or at least one of them would like a relationship with me, I wouldn´t hesitate to have also a sex together. 

[Harlen Kelly]

2 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

It does not mean that she is not into sex .it means that she is not into "only sex" 

Guess what, if you do not satisfy your male partner sexually he will leave you. The real world is not a fantasy, wake up.

[Nos7algiK]

@Emerald I don't disagree with screening. But, I don't agree with women being the prize or selector. I personally believe both men and woman should be screening, obviously. But, the prize should be the moments that are created within each others presence or a possible relationship that may be established.

I'm a strong believer of personal boundaries and knowing what someone wants in another. But, if only one party is doing this eventually it will collapse on itself. There is a high chance then the man will use emotional queues to mirror/reflect the woman in order to get in her best whishes. The issue with this is, the man is partially blind to what he truly wants and values in a woman and is too caught up in the game over something authentic. This is my personal gripe with the philosophy of being won over. Destroy the game, the dance, or the prize and no game will be played, no dance needs to be arranged, and no prize needs to be won.

The dynamic I speak of  can be found in a stage of friendship prior to the idea of wanting to be with another. For setting a stable base of friendship is extremely important for anything else healthy to be built on. Screening should naturally happen for both parties as this friendship develops and a relationship will be more "fallen into" over asking for courtship or loudly declaring ones interest because the feelings can be universally reciprocated without actually stating them.

Edited July 22, 2021 by Nos7algiK

[Preety_India]

5 minutes ago, Harlen Kelly said:

There are hundreds of women who just like you would like to be with them, that does not necessarily mean they will act on that or anything but those are high value men. You really think given the amount of options they have they would wait 3 months until you finally decide to give it up? I don't think so. 

She wants a man who will wait for her. 

Because she is waiting for a man like that too.

And why should a man wait for her that long?

Guess why. Because she is worth it. 

Don't peg her low.

 

[Preety_India]

4 minutes ago, Harlen Kelly said:

Guess what, if you do not satisfy your male partner sexually he will leave you. The real world is not a fantasy, wake up.

Nobody says that a partner should not be satisfied sexually. Of course that's going to happen.

If you do not satisfy your female partner emotionally she will leave you as well..I'm talking about a high quality woman.

So maybe it's time for you to wake up in terms of female sexuality.

We are not your sex objects that you just pump and dump.

Nobody is waiting to be on your rotation

Edited July 22, 2021 by Preety_India

[Harlen Kelly]

4 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Because she is worth it

You go gurl!

[Nos7algiK]

15 minutes ago, Harlen Kelly said:

Guess what, if you do not satisfy your male partner sexually he will leave you. The real world is not a fantasy, wake up.

If you do not satisfy a woman emotionally, she will leave you.

[Emerald]

1 hour ago, Harlen Kelly said:

So you are not very much into sex? that explains it. That's atypical.

There are hundreds of women who just like you would like to be with them, that does not necessarily mean they will act on that or anything but those are high value men. You really think given the amount of options they have they would wait 3 months until you finally decide to give it up? I don't think so. 

Oh that isn't it. I love sex! It's one of my favorite things about being human.

It just isn't stimulating without certain emotions present. And I'm not interested in sleeping with a man before I hit my boiling point. 

You see men tend to love sex like Shaggy and Scooby love food. They'll pile anchovies on top of ice cream on top of pizza and just shove it in their mouth. They will eat anything and be in heaven about it. They have pretty low standards. If food is there, you can bet they want to eat it.

But women tend to love sex the way Gordon Ramsey loves food. And Gordon Ramsey has very very high standards for what he eats. And he's the type of person who would rather go hungry than eat a bad meal. You can tell that Gordon Ramsey lives for food.

But you'll also be wise to recognize that Shaggy and Scooby will be much happier to eat at Gordon Ramsey's restaurant than Gordon Ramsey will be to eat a Shaggy and Scooby's restaurant. 

So, I love sex. But I need for certain emotions to be present for that experience to be enjoyable. It's a little bit like, as a man if you tried to have sex without having a boner. It's not going to be enjoyable to you because the proper conditions are not in place.

It's just that women's version of getting a boner is more heart-based and takes a longer time to be aroused. 

Also, if a man has this abundance and he's more focused on sex than on me in particular, he can move on from me. I have no ego in that. That's about him and his preferences.

I know I'm not for everyone. So, any man who sorts me out as a prospect is doing me a favor because he is leaving room for a man who is more compatible with me and who will be invested in me enough to wait for me to come to a boil.

 

[Emerald]

1 hour ago, Nos7algiK said:

@Emerald I don't disagree with screening. But, I don't agree with women being the prize or selector. I personally believe both men and woman should be screening, obviously. But, the prize should be the moments that are created within each others presence or a possible relationship that may be established.

I'm a strong believer of personal boundaries and knowing what someone wants in another. But, if only one party is doing this eventually it will collapse on itself. There is a high chance then the man will use emotional queues to mirror/reflect the woman in order to get in her best whishes. The issue with this is, the man is partially blind to what he truly wants and values in a woman and is too caught up in the game over something authentic. This is my personal gripe with the philosophy of being won over. Destroy the game, the dance, or the prize and no game will be played, no dance needs to be arranged, and no prize needs to be won.

The dynamic I speak of  can be found in a stage of friendship prior to the idea of wanting to be with another. For setting a stable base of friendship is extremely important for anything else healthy to be built on. Screening should naturally happen for both parties as this friendship develops and a relationship will be more "fallen into" over asking for courtship or loudly declaring ones interest because the feelings can be universally reciprocated without actually stating them.

These are also very important parts of building a relationship. 

But to hold out for a man you can have this dynamic with, you have to remember that "You are the prize".

Otherwise, you will end up not being selective enough and then end up with a guy who doesn't value you and you settle for less than you want and need in a relationship.

This is a mindset that's very useful for women to remember their worth at the beginning so they don't end up putting the man up on a pedestal. 

Note, that what I've given is a list of strategies for women who want to attract a good man. So, these are specifically strategies to be employed. But if you look at my post, I also have many softer recommendations, like letting your intuition lead. 

This is why I recommend having a guy as part of your wider social circle before getting involved in him. And also making sure that you already have your feelings and intuition attuned to him prior to having a romantic turn. 

And in the meantime, you'll have to repel and sort other guys who are wrong for you, and not settle for anything less than what you want.

Then, if you happen to get with this man who you are wanting to have a relationship to, it's very important to remember that he is the one courting you and not the other way around. Once those strong feelings arise, it can be easy to make him the prize and forget that you are the prize. 

So, I recommend maintaining that orientation until a relationship is established because that's just the most effective way to do the mating dance from a female perspective. This will come naturally if a woman recognizes her value and is selective about who she gives her time and energy to.

[Bando]

You guys derailed tf out this this thread, I never knew how strong the survival bias fallacy was until spending some time on this side of the forum. There isn't a lot of practical information here but from a meta view its fascinating seeing how far people will go to defend their survival bias.

From a higher perspective I can now see why people can do the most huranoues things and still go to sleep at night, it just fits their particular survival bias. If I was born a woman i'd probably be bashing PUA and making numerous threads about it like the ladies on this forum trippy...

[RendHeaven]

11 minutes ago, Bando said:

If I was born a woman i'd probably be bashing PUA and making numerous threads about it like the ladies on this forum trippy...

Right, same.

[Emerald]

1 minute ago, Bando said:

You guys derailed tf out this this thread, I never knew how strong the survival bias fallacy was until spending some time on this side of the forum. There isn't a lot of practical information here but from a meta view its fascinating seeing how far people will go to defend their survival bias.

From a higher perspective I can now see why people can do the most huranoues things and still go to sleep at night, it just fits their particular survival bias. If I was born a woman i'd probably be bashing PUA and making numerous threads about it like the ladies on this forum trippy...

It is me defending my survival bias, for sure. That's the whole point. 

And notice how all the guys on the thread tried to argue me out of it having those survival biases. And notice how many men on the thread tried to deny that this is my survival bias.

So many of the guys on here just can't accept it because they want to feel like they're more in control of women's desires. So, they cling to their understandings learned from pick up. But most women don't want a guy like this because he is antithetical to women's survival bias. 

Mind you, I never tried to argue any men out of their survival bias. I understand that men are oriented towards sexual variety and I have no issue with that.

But I'm just saying that a man who selfishly pursues his survival bias at my expense will be sorted before he gets the chance. Men who are only interested in sex are really easy to spot and sort. 

And men who are looking for something deeper, even though these are rarer men, they create a win-win scenario between my needs and their needs.

So, it is in alignment with my survival agenda to find a guy like this, as opposed to settling for some guy who's looking just for random sex like a few of the male posters on here are. And I recommend for all women to sort the same way, just because it's good strategy for finding a fulfilling relationship.

 

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, Emerald said:

It is me defending my survival bias, for sure. That's the whole point. 

And notice how all the guys on the thread tried to argue me out of it having those survival biases. And notice how many men on the thread tried to deny that this is my survival bias.

So many of the guys on here just can't accept it because they want to feel like they're more in control of women's desires. So, they cling to their understandings learned from pick up. But most women don't want a guy like this because he is antithetical to women's survival bias. 

Mind you, I never tried to argue any men out of their survival bias. I understand that men are oriented towards sexual variety and I have no issue with that.

But I'm just saying that a man who selfishly pursues his survival bias at my expense will be sorted before he gets the chance. Men who are only interested in sex are really easy to spot and sort. 

And men who are looking for something deeper, even though these are rarer men, they create a win-win scenario between my needs and their needs.

So, it is in alignment with my survival agenda to find a guy like this, as opposed to settling for some guy who's looking just for random sex like a few of the male posters on here are. And I recommend for all women to sort the same way, just because it's good strategy for finding a fulfilling relationship.

 

I totally support this 

 

[Preety_India]

3 minutes ago, modmyth said:

I've seen multiple versions of this same answer.

It is a sound enough strategy to let men weed themselves out. Let the impatient and those who think that you're easily replaceable walk away. No need for hard feelings especially if attention and appreciation are abundant. Those who know what they want specifically (as in, YOU and what you have to offer specifically) and perhaps some people who like a challenge for the sake of a challenge may stay, but time and attention tends to weed out the latter too.

It's not even necessarily a conscious strategy either, though I think it's good practice to make it one.

The moment when you think you can't afford to lose something/ someone, especially if it's near the beginning, you've probably already "lost". This is often universally the case.

Not sure why so many people are arguing with @Emerald IRL you probably wouldn't even be on her radar.

So true.

 

[Preety_India]

I'm so proud that women on this forum @Emerald,     @etherial 

cat       @Preety_India  @Etherial Cat @modmyth  are coming together to fight this notion floating on this forum that women just aren't worth being with a man if they learn to value themselves.

We don't need to devalue ourselves as women to get "easy men."

We don't need men who can't value us for who we are..

 

A good self esteem lesson for women is to know that you don't need to be with a man who is already thinking that you're replaceable.

 

Edited July 22, 2021 by Preety_India

[Nos7algiK]

2 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

We don't need men who can't value us for who we are..

A large portion of men have no idea how to value a woman. A main part of this is due to not valuing themselves or rejecting their feminine side. Even when a woman tells them their needs, specially their own desire for an emotional connection or intimacy. Many will deny this for their own self biases. 

With self love and understanding all of this will come into fruition. No longer will people need to conform to men/women stereotyping when it comes to dating. But, regardless personally I've always seen the emotional connection between two individuals as the hierarchy of the physical connection.

It is not difficult to truly listen to others so they can be expressive and open up to you. But, there seems to be an aspect within men that instead of listening to emotional queues to help aid said emotions. It's instead used for exploitation or emotional intelligence isn't developed enough to notice them at all.

Regardless there is a lot of demonization of both genders that happens, specially on this forum. I wouldn't say this is healthy at all, but I don't blame others for using their own experiences as a backdrop for how everyone else is. There are many lovely individuals out there, but we need to be more lovely ourselves in order to attract them.

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, Nos7algiK said:

A large portion of men have no idea how to value a woman. A main part of this is due to not valuing themselves or rejecting their feminine side. Even when a woman tells them their needs, specially their own desire for an emotional connection or intimacy. Many will deny this for their own self biases. 

With self love and understanding all of this will come into fruition. No longer will people need to conform to men/women stereotyping when it comes to dating. But, regardless personally I've always seen the emotional connection between two individuals as the hierarchy of the physical connection.

It is not difficult to truly listen to others so they can be expressive and open up to you. But, there seems to be an aspect within men that instead of listening to emotional queues to help aid said emotions. It's instead used for exploitation or emotional intelligence isn't developed enough to notice them at all.

Regardless there is a lot of demonization of both genders that happens, specially on this forum. I wouldn't say this is healthy at all, but I don't blame others for using their own experiences as a backdrop for how everyone else is. There are many lovely individuals out there, but we need to be more lovely ourselves in order to attract them.

I agree with you.good perspective.

 

 

[Etherial Cat]

In general, I really question the idea of building a relationship with someone out of wanting something specific from them. Nowadays, I just meet people trying not to have much expectations to what it will develop into and let life do the sorting. 

When you meet a person, it is normal that they enter the acquaintance zone for a while. It takes time to discover someone and know who you are dealing with and what is the underlying potential of the relation. It allows to check the overall compatibility.

Even when you enter an actual romantic relationship, you kinda have to act the same. Detachment of outcome is important. You need it to stay grounded and not be needy. That's also what makes someone attractive.

Here is quote from Rumi I just found on patience and accepting the process..

Quote

What does patience mean? It means to look at the thorn and see the rose, to look at the night and see the dawn. ... The lovers of God never run out of patience, for they know that time is needed for the crescent moon to become full.”

- Rumi

 

 

[Harlen Kelly]

18 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

We don't need men who can't value us for who we are..

Do you consider that the women who typically have sex on the second or third date such as @Hulia are devaluing themselves?

How is having sex with somebody you feel attracted to devaluing, explain....

Edited July 22, 2021 by Harlen Kelly