Struggling with Blackpill

[Harlen Kelly]

12 minutes ago, Lucas-fgm said:

I just can't believe women still gives this kind of dating adivice. wtf

Women are not particularly proficient at giving dating advice for men, that shouldn't be a surprise. 

[RendHeaven]

41 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

This works also from a masculine perspective, by the way ?.

It may work by coincidence, but no man deliberately adopts FRIENDSHIP as a dating strategy.

41 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

mocking Emerald

That's uncharitable

41 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

I anyway already do it.

Awesome

[Etherial Cat]

12 minutes ago, RendHeaven said:

It may work by coincidence, but no man deliberately adopts FRIENDSHIP as a dating strategy.

Notice that it is you and Lucas who have been talking about friendship. In your case, you've been talking about it twice in capital letter. 

Friendship is not the right word, the idea is basically that you start platonically when you get to know someone. And it takes a bit of time to decide whether or not you vibe. At this point, it is totally ok to do a first move. 

Friendship is not a dating strategy and I don't think anybody here has ever claimed that it was a good one. In fact, there has been a few threads about how it is a bad idea to befriend women in the hope of dating them. That's not what is being talked about here.

 

[Peter Miklis]

@Etherial Cat It's like standard dating then, no? 2 people who are trying to get to know each other before they have sex.

[Etherial Cat]

6 minutes ago, Peter Miklis said:

@Etherial Cat It's like standard dating then, no? 2 people who are trying to get to know each other before they have sex.

Hmm...

It's like, you interact with a person and follow the flow without having necessary special expectations about what this is, at first. Usually, you don't decide ahead either whether you are going to be friend with someone or not. There is a lot of detachment on the outcome at this stage.

Then the thing takes off because there are some natural compatibility and there are cues given on both side that something is building up on the attraction level.

For female, it is particularly reassuring because at this stage you know that the guy isn't there only to dip his dick and really likes you and vice versa. Starting right away with sexual/romantic intent comes off as fishy, especially if a platonic relation is not offered. And if you are a woman, you might get worried that he's only interested in your because it happens that you are his type physically, which comes off as a bit shallow.

[RendHeaven]

16 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

For female, it is particularly reassuring because at this stage you know that the guy isn't there only to dip his dick and really likes you and vice versa.

Ok that's really just standard dating

[Etherial Cat]

10 minutes ago, RendHeaven said:

Ok that's really just standard dating

Yeah... but on a longer timeframe than the current hookup culture. 

[Karmadhi]

I have personally tried this and it never worked for me. I did not try it as a dating strategy, just i have a shit lot of female friends, some quite attractive but none of them got into me or considered dating me even when we became close. It is the typical, i love as you as a person and i enjoy spending time with you but i am not attracted to you nor see you that way. It used to bother me a lot because i felt like there was something wrong with me but once i learned some attraction theory i stopped caring that much.

So for most guys just hit on girls if you want a partner. I have seen sometimes friends becoming lovers but it is quite rare and if it fails it will break your heart. 

[Danioover9000]

2 hours ago, Karmadhi said:

I have personally tried this and it never worked for me. I did not try it as a dating strategy, just i have a shit lot of female friends, some quite attractive but none of them got into me or considered dating me even when we became close. It is the typical, i love as you as a person and i enjoy spending time with you but i am not attracted to you nor see you that way. It used to bother me a lot because i felt like there was something wrong with me but once i learned some attraction theory i stopped caring that much.

So for most guys just hit on girls if you want a partner. I have seen sometimes friends becoming lovers but it is quite rare and if it fails it will break your heart. 

   This right here. You guys need to keep hitting girls to have any hope of a short term sexy relationship.

[Emerald]

9 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

Meanwhile Emerald in another thread:

"Ladies you MUST BEFRIEND your man before sex!"

Wrong! 

I said it’s wise not to date men outside your social circle if you’re a woman.

A healthy social circle is like hundreds and hundreds of people that you have a platonic relationship to. 

And in that social circle you have mostly acquaintances.

For example, when I was in college I had a few close friends, 30-40 or so more casual friends that I’d chill with at parties, and hundreds of acquaintances.

And I recommend selecting a man who’s either in the more casual friendship category or the acquaintance category. 

But also, continually meeting new people to add to your wider circle to keep it dynamic.

So, you definitely don’t need to be best buddies with a guy before dating him. I don’t recommend that.

Just exist in proximity to him for 2 or 3 months, to give time for feelings to arise and to get to know his general MO.

[RendHeaven]

51 minutes ago, Emerald said:

So, you definitely don’t need to be best buddies with a guy before dating him. I don’t recommend that.

Just exist in proximity to him for 2 or 3 months, to give time for feelings to arise and to get to know his general MO.

Gotcha 

 

[Emerald]

7 hours ago, Lucas-fgm said:

It's not necessary to have sex on the first date, it can take some dates and time till the women know the guy better. If the girl has no experience with sex.

But It's FUNDAMENTAL for the guy to let EXTREMELY clear what are his intentions from the very beginning.

I already tried all kinds of dating strategies with women, so I'm saying this not only based on theory. The more time you take to let clear your intentions the higher the chances of her rejecting you.

Hiding your intentions is a sign of a lack of assertiveness and strength,  clarity and will make almost all girls reject you. Be sure of it.

If you’re doing pick up, go ahead and be clear about your intentions up front. It will get you laid more often. But that’s your agenda... not a woman’s agenda.

I recommend to women to just avoid men who cold approach and show sexual interest too quickly (unless she’s only looking for sex).

This ‘rushing in’ that pick up oriented guys learn to do can be a red flag... but even if it’s not, it just isn’t emotionally stimulating enough to feel that yearning desire to merge with a man, tbh. 

Women are like water in a tea kettle... we take a while to get hot enough to boil. And if a man tries to make tea with me right away when the water’s still ice cold and I’m not even on the burner yet, I won’t have any desirous feelings. It will be as boring as talking to a telemarketer and potentially even a bit annoying if he’s doing it in a context that isn’t a night club or bar where cold approach is socially acceptable.

And I also recommend women adopt an unreceptive way of responding to men who show sexual interest too quickly.

You’re wise as a woman to screen it out because you send a clear message that you don’t accept spam and that you expect higher quality male attention that’s more meaningful and pointed directly towards you in particular, as opposed to being pointed at any and all attractive women this man meets.

It’s honestly, much better and more exciting and natural feeling for women to find men by cultivating a rich social circle.

And then, as organic interactions happen, feelings for one of the men in that social circle will typically start to arise. And over a month or so, those feelings for that man will get to a fever pitch.

And the most fun part is when you’re really into a guy and things are still a little ambiguous and you and the guy are spending more and more time together and being kind of playful. And then, the breaking point comes... and usually that’s where things get physical.

That’s what it’s like to develop more organic relationships via having a dynamic wider social circle. 

[Emerald]

6 minutes ago, Lucas-fgm said:

Yeah, I know, you are right, It is just that in the past I got stuck in friend zones and this was so painful that left me traumatized hahaha. After I started being clear from the very beginning, I started getting waaaay better results. 

But to be honest, I never try to rush sex . It can take many dates.

Btw, I love your advices Emerald, you are very wise. Thx

Thank you. ?

The social circle thing works well for warm approach as a man too. And a wide social circle also conveys social status. It’s a much better way to find a compatible partner.

But you’ll have more quantity of dates/sex with cold approach as it’s a numbers game. It’s just usually not as good as the social circle for cultivating relationships.

 

[Emerald]

2 minutes ago, Lucas-fgm said:

But the main reason that I like to go to clubs to do pick up is that I don't have a wide social circle.

And I definitely don't want to either. I prefer being alone and focusing on my purpose and self-development. I'm way happier this way.

So doing pick-up in clubs is the only way to meet girls I have. 

And that’s okay. Plenty of women will still be open to pick up. Bars and clubs aren’t going out of style anytime soon.

I just don’t recommend it for women who are looking for a relationship. It’s not a very good strategy for getting the type of relationship experiences that most women want.

[Leo Gura]

12 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

Meanwhile Emerald in another thread:

"Ladies you MUST BEFRIEND your man before sex!"

That's the woman's survival agenda. It makes sense if you are a woman.

You guys have a hard time grasping the relativity of survival agendas.

What's good for your finite self is bad for some other finite self. This is the nature of all finite things.

[Preety_India]

Just now, Leo Gura said:

That's the woman's survival agenda.

So what? What's so wrong with a woman's survival agenda ?

If you don't care about her agenda, then why love her?

 

[Leo Gura]

3 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

So what? What's so wrong with a woman's survival agenda ?

If you don't care about her agenda, then why love her?

Survival agendas must be negotiated and reconciled, since they always conflict.

There is no such thing as two humans loving each other without a conflict of survival agendas.

[Preety_India]

Just now, Leo Gura said:

Survival agendas must be negotiated and reconciled, since they always conflict.

Then negotiate but don't obfuscate.

 

[Leo Gura]

3 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Then negotiate but don't obfuscate.

Negotiation is a game which includes all the trickeries and masquerades that survival employs.

You are like a wolf telling a rabbit, don't camouflage yourself! Just be honest because I am hungry.

[Preety_India]

4 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

What's good for your finite self is bad for some other finite self. This is the nature of all finite things.

Have you heard the word compromise ? 

Sometimes people have to do that to stay in love, regardless of gender. No ?