Anhedonia

[Kelley White]

17 hours ago, Ryan_047 said:

Anyways,I've got a request,if you don't mind.To be honest,I forget what things are enjoyable in day to day life.So,what I am asking you to do is to make list of what things cause you to have emotions.Like eating makes you feel blank,socializing makes you feel blank.I want to know how many emotions a normal person would feel during a day.Please include the negative emotions as well.If you are willing to do this for me,please give me as many details as you can.

@Ryan_047, my honest answer back?  I am probably the last person to ask?  There is nothing normal about me.  Most of the time all I feel is pain, like I am tolerated versus liked,  that I am broken beyond repair, and I am terrified everyday of my life.   I don't like myself, I don't understand what others see in me when they  say they do like me.   I feel like I make a mess or have failed at mostly everything I do.

I can't speak to what normal people feel on the average day.  I've never felt  "normal."   Most of my life I just wish I di not exist so I saved other people the burden of dealing with me.

As to the reason to keep or not keep living, there are days I quite literally default to, taking permanent action based upon the horrible emotions I live with most of the time would be so grossly damaging and traumatizing to others and would be so selfish it is not an option.   I had a friend when I was in my twenties, who  used to say, "You're doomed to live."  Someday I am aware I am just doomed to live, so I isolate  myself from others so I won't drag them down with the negativity that I can't shake.  When you've seen the worst life has to offer?  It can be challenging to return to what I view as denial and just like the planet is all flowers and unicorns.

When you have been abused and harmed emotionally and physically I just think it is challenging to ever see the world as safe or feel safe again.  If I knew how to get unstuck from that place and stay there?  I might be capable of having a life.   I know I certainly work at it all the time, but this past week is leaving me feeling like perhaps I am deluding myself thinking I will ever recover or be of value to anyone.

I apologize, I wish I could have a positive answer and make  it all better somehow for  you; unfortunately I can't even do that for myself with any amount of consistency.  This morning?  I find myself right about where you are @Ryan-47.

[Ryan_047]

@Kelley White I am sorry to hear that you are in pain.I wish I could help you,or even repay back the help you have given me.All I know is that Teal Swan has been in a similar situation as you,you might check her out,if you don't already know her.If I would feel again,I am sure that in this moment I would feel at least gratitude because you helped me...As Teal always says at the end of her episodes,have a good week.

[Joel3102]

Hey mate, I've been going through the exact same thing the past month. It's fucked. I'm slowly getting better though, slowly regaining interest in things, you can't force it or obsess over it too much.

http://www.anhedoniasupport.com

this program is being released soon and looks pretty promising