How to avoid getting attached and needy to the girls you approached?

[SamC]

41 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

What you are after is not her. You are looking for your own ability to love yourself....

Her rejection is painful because you've delegated her the power to judge of your own worth. But YOU did that.

She's a proxy in your mind and you want her love so you can love yourself back. But the trick is... you don't need her for that.

The real problem is that you don't manage to directly love yourself.

Hope this helps?

Yeah, I know XDXD.  How do I go about doing that though? My theory is that I need to accept that while at the same time taking steps towards integrating the parts within me that have been neglected, disowned, and rejected.

What would you do if you were me and would like to learn how to love yourself?

@Etherial Cat

Edited July 15, 2021 by SamC

[Bando]

The only way through it is to go throw a paradigm shift which comes from meeting many women, change it from "going to talk to her" to "Im screening for compatibility" It sounds basic but being able to re-contextualize rejection is the only thing that's going to lead to better sets in the future. 

Also never forget meeting a random the girl on the street vs meeting a girl that already has social proof of you are two completely different things. Dont expect to convert many cold approach chicks into lays let's be realistic here. 

[Etherial Cat]

2 hours ago, SamC said:

Yeah, I know XDXD.  How do I go about doing that though? My theory is that I need to accept that while at the same time taking steps towards integrating the parts within me that have been neglected, disowned, and rejected.

What would you do if you were me and would like to learn how to love yourself?

@Etherial Cat

You work on it by gathering resources on the topic, and studying it extensively. You find some mentors and try to see how they do it and "absorb" their pattern, way of thinking etc...

And then you also meditate on the subject of Love as a whole. You contemplate it. You try to practice it... until it becomes a part of you.

 

[Leo Gura]

In practice the way you solve this problem is by:

A) Talking to more girls

B) Working on your LP so your mind is focused on larger things

C) Jerking off so you are not desperate

[Hardkill]

On 7/15/2021 at 5:27 PM, Leo Gura said:

In practice the way you solve this problem is by:

A) Talking to more girls

B) Working on your LP so your mind is focused on larger things

C) Jerking off so you are not desperate

I am 33 years old and I still haven't found my LP. I've tried looking into many different kinds of careers and life purpose from being a scientist, a doctor, occupational therapist, physical therapist, actor/voice actor, model, teacher, martial arts instructor, fitness instructor, artist, etc. but I never could get anything substantial going with any of those careers. Why is it that there are so many people out there who already found theirs in their late teens or 20s, but then there are so many others like myself who still haven't even as they are getting close to their 40s? 

How did all of these celebrities out there including all of these famous actors, athletes, musicians, politicians, businesspeople, entrepreneurs doctors, attorneys, etc. who have been practicing their careers for most of their lives were able to figure it out at such a young age? It sadly another reason for someone like to feel envious of the rich and famous. ?

 

[Peter Miklis]

@Hardkill Have you actually fully commited to any of these, or were you just hopping from one to another? There's about 1000 things you can do in your life, but you have to commit to something eventually.

For me, it clicked as I was observing my life, and especially my childhood. I liked to read a lot of books and lose myself in my world, so I tried writing. And hey, turns out I kinda like it, although at this stage I'm not that good in it yet.

[Leo Gura]

2 hours ago, Hardkill said:

How did all of these celebrities out there including all of these famous actors, athletes, musicians, politicians, businesspeople, entrepreneurs doctors, attorneys, etc. who have been practicing their careers for most of their lives were able to figure it out at such a young age? It sadly another reason for someone like to feel envious of the rich and famous. ?

Simply by following what they love without reservation.

I figured out my first LP by age 7. It's so simple a child can do it.

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, Leo Gura said:

Simply by followin wht they love wothout reservations.

I figured out my first LP by age 7.

And what was your LP at age 7?

 

[diamondpenguin]

@Preety_India his lp was to be a game designer. 

[mmKay]

@Hardkill most of the people you think have made an early strategic deliberate decision of working on their Life purpose is actually just luck. They just happened to stuble upon a field or skill early on, by chance or introduced by parents and they just stuck with it.

Some people love the skill they developed early on and therefore kee building it for the rest of their life , and some weren't so lucky and they have little to show for in their adulthood.

And if they're lucky enough to stumble upon personal development, they have the opportunity to deliberately build a LP from scratch. 

Also, "these people" you mentioned haven't probably figured out much. An actual Life Purpose is so much more than just having a lifelong practice of a skill.