How to be 100% lonely and be happy about it

[asifarahim]

I have been working on loneliness for 3 years now.i havent accomplished it.leos video on lonelineSss is not enough.i have no skill to do a full solo retreat.does anyone here conquered lonelinee ,come forward and give me tips.

[Moksha]

Loneliness is a normal human emotion. Most people are genetically and environmentally wired to seek companionship. Maslow's hierarchy places social needs at the middle of the pyramid.

A good friend or spouse can make living more beautiful. Better, they can make living more challenging  It is easy to be woke when you are sitting in a cave, but the real test comes when dealing with the egos of others.

Ultimately, we are all the same Consciousness. Loneliness is an illusion. It is an attachment of the ego, but rather than blaming yourself for it, realize why humans evolved the emotion in the first place. It contributes to our survival. Through spiritual practice, it is possible to distance, and even dissolve, the need for others. Once you do, paradoxically, it is easier to love.

[Bodhitree]

@asifarahim Loneliness often comes together with boredom and impatience, so it’s useful to work on them at the same time. I’ve spent a few years by myself in an apartment on the top floor of a flat building overlooking a beach, doing nothing but studying Buddhism, meditating and some foruming on the net. I only went out for food shopping. Maybe that qualifies me to speak on loneliness, I’m not quite sure. 

Its about what you want from other people. If there is nothing you want, you will find there is a lot less need to be with them. But it will be necessary to look within to find out what you are used to getting from your interactions with others. A good exercise in mindfulness. 

[Leo Gura]

@asifarahim You probably need to first address your loneliness by actually socializing and building relationships before you are ready to tackle loneliness at the existential level.

Handle the basics before you embark on some Buddha quest.

[asifarahim]

@Leo Gura i am in a race against time to crack an exam.i have no time to socialize.i just want to be alone.people i know are low conscious people.they try to manipulate,scheme,guilt, etc when socialising.i jerk off to self help concepts while my friends jerk off to material things.i have no intrest in socialising.but it is a need like food ,sex etc.

Edited July 15, 2021 by asifarahim

[asifarahim]

@Bodhitree so u r saying if i look for what i am getting from socialising and fix that need by myself then i will be happy alone?.

[Edith]

Shortly, I like the topic. It resonates with me ? %. I am alone, have no friends and family and don’t need them. I thought I do, but turned out I don’t. I was lying myself I am not enough. I realized I am everything. Am I lonely ? No. I am my true self. I am. 

Edited July 15, 2021 by Edith

[asifarahim]

@Cykaaaa i say this because i got a lot of suffering from my friends .all are stage orange only intrested in what they can gain from me.its not worth it to talk to them.at the end of the day all conversation is going towards what they can gain from me teritory.

It look like socialising is a need like sex,food,water for me.i tried to quit socialising but after some time i get very big ego baclash and bam i am back in the pit.i would kill to be able to be alone all by myself .but ego backlash is not letting me do it.

[Edith]

Well said Cykaaa! 

[asifarahim]

@Edith what tactics did u do to be permenently happy all by yourself.

[Bodhitree]

30 minutes ago, asifarahim said:

@Bodhitree so u r saying if i look for what i am getting from socialising and fix that need by myself then i will be happy alone?.

Basically yes. Social interactions are basically transactions. You receive a smile, you brain interprets that as you-like-me and sends you a dopamine boost to reward you for acting in such a way that others like you (which is good for your survival chances when the tribe traverses the wilds). One possibility is that you are a dopamine junky, looking for affirmation that you are still liked, have status in the group and so on. It’s all a big game.

When you realise you’re just another rogue elephant wandering the bush by yourself then you can drop the social game. Forget about sex, smiles, status, esteem, respect, just do your own thing. None of it matters, ultimately, when you walk the spiritual path. 

[asifarahim]

@Bodhitree thanks .i will work on what u said

[Edith]

7 minutes ago, asifarahim said:

@Edith what tactics did u do to be permenently happy all by yourself.

There are no tactics.  They only exist in your mind. Understand who you are. And you are everything and nothing. Don’t look for answers on forum. You won’t find them. Seek inside yourself. 

[Preety_India]

I agree with Leo here. 

If loneliness comes naturally to you whereby you're not impacted by it, then I'd describe it as solitude rather than loneliness, since loneliness carries a negative connotation to it. 

Solitude is a gift, if you learn how to use it for your personal growth, solitude is what introverts generally enjoy, it gives you ample amount of space to be yourself and by yourself, it can be a paradise or a treasure trove of learning, self awareness, self reflection, self Introspection, shadow work, "me-time" and lot of self growth. 

If you are not naturally happy about solitude, it means you crave connection and you need to start investing in building connections. 

Humans in general exist on a spectrum when it comes to solitude - company axis. We crave both solitude and company in varying levels depending on the scale of Introversion /extroversion in our personalities. 

You cannot be 100% happy around people, you might feel exhausted sometimes, similarly you cannot be 100% happy all by yourself. 

Man/human is social by nature yet a part of us also craves some me time.