Healing + intergration?

[Cathal]

I'm beginning to see my deep-rooted attachments and the pain attached to them. The inability to feel compassion towards myself, the insecurities, the lack of confidence, depression, helplessness etc and also the stories. The thing is tho, how do you guys 'heal' or go about resolving all of this undigested emotion and lack of compassion?

For the life of me I am stuck in this intense hypervigilance lack of feeling safe dissociated state where when I try to 'heal' or attend to them, nothing really happens. They're just words for walls of resistance I guess but it's like trumps titanium mexican border, it's so incredibly difficult to do sober sometimes the despair and feeling helpless to help myself consumes me.

Psychedelics work like a charm in dissolving the resistance and I can easily touch the trauma at its root but my experience has been I cannot intergrate post-cathartic feelings of healing afterwards as time goes by, (does anyone have an opinion why or do you agree psychedelics aren't a good tool to heal for day to day life beyond the trip?) 

I also have a therapist now but tbh I feel like she is not that useful so far. Maybe I just don't trust her yet, I definitely have trust issues but I also have no idea how to tell if she's a good therapist or not.

It's like I can intellectually understand what I need to do, I do it and it's like not much changes. I struggle with the 'what should I do to heal myself?' I never really get any breakthroughs or any satisfying level of wow I really let go of that thing. I get quite frustrated because I'm kinda just at the point of I don't give a shit about anything else except helping myself, I don't even have many addictions anymore, I just surrender to the suffering and let it fuck me in the @ss

[Roy]

4 hours ago, catcat69123 said:

I never really get any breakthroughs or any satisfying level of wow I really let go of that thing.

Consider you won't have "breakthroughs". Maybe it will be a steady burn until you look back a while from now and realize, "hey, things have changed!"

Notice how even your wording you are unfairly setting up a standard for yourself of "satisfying/wow level", and when you don't reach that it feels like you haven't done any work........... when perhaps you actually have?

Focus less on expectations.

4 hours ago, catcat69123 said:

The thing is tho, how do you guys 'heal' or go about resolving all of this undigested emotion and lack of compassion?

Vision.

For the place you want to go to, and the person (you) you imagine. Not just trying to move from something. It may seem like the goal is to "cease insecurities, depression, helplessness", but what you really want is to reach for greater things.

Suffering seems to have this elastic effect - where you can make progress and "stretch" the band so to speak, and pushing through the resistance makes you tougher, which is great.

However it might take a sharp clear vision that's authentic and positive to cut the band, to break you free.

[Thought Art]

On 7/14/2021 at 1:39 PM, catcat69123 said:

I'm beginning to see my deep-rooted attachments and the pain attached to them. The inability to feel compassion towards myself, the insecurities, the lack of confidence, depression, helplessness etc and also the stories. The thing is tho, how do you guys 'heal' or go about resolving all of this undigested emotion and lack of compassion?

For the life of me I am stuck in this intense hypervigilance lack of feeling safe dissociated state where when I try to 'heal' or attend to them, nothing really happens. They're just words for walls of resistance I guess but it's like trumps titanium mexican border, it's so incredibly difficult to do sober sometimes the despair and feeling helpless to help myself consumes me.

Psychedelics work like a charm in dissolving the resistance and I can easily touch the trauma at its root but my experience has been I cannot intergrate post-cathartic feelings of healing afterwards as time goes by, (does anyone have an opinion why or do you agree psychedelics aren't a good tool to heal for day to day life beyond the trip?) 

I also have a therapist now but tbh I feel like she is not that useful so far. Maybe I just don't trust her yet, I definitely have trust issues but I also have no idea how to tell if she's a good therapist or not.

It's like I can intellectually understand what I need to do, I do it and it's like not much changes. I struggle with the 'what should I do to heal myself?' I never really get any breakthroughs or any satisfying level of wow I really let go of that thing. I get quite frustrated because I'm kinda just at the point of I don't give a shit about anything else except helping myself, I don't even have many addictions anymore, I just surrender to the suffering and let it fuck me in the @ss

I think it's important to realize that you are doing the right things. You are:

1. Seeking professional help

2. Trying out different techniques

3. Noting the limitations of the current tools you have at your disposal and groping along the edges of your awareness...

I also am struggling with this problem. I am thinking that a major part is to really just accept and feel the pain instead of hiding from it. It might take some kind of radical reconextualization of your constructs and body awareness... Last night I was speaking to my sister who is a social working and we were talking about the integration of things like Rational emotive behavioural therapy, mindfulness meditation and noting technique and things like Yoga and Qigong to thickening the vagus nerve.  This is one of the reasons I really think guided body scans from the Fabulous app, or similar are usefull because they allow us to develop these soft skills of feeling inward. We need to gain a level of self understanding that I don't think even a lot of western therapist understand about themselves. I think that with the right tool sets, guidance, mistakes and practices we can change ourselves for the better. 

Don't give up. We live in the information age you as you mature you will master your own being. 

Edited July 15, 2021 by Thought Art