This Kundalini is too much for me.

[DIDego]

@Giulio Bevilacqua Hi ?

Sorry and glad to hear. ??

Seems it ain't living in balance, does it experience and explore life here and now. ??

This feels as reader, a story about an internal conflict. ??

7 hours ago, Giulio Bevilacqua said:

I'm 22 years old, wasting the best days of my life

 

FFS, ye 22 years YOUNG. How do you know that, year 23 or tomorrow might be awesome just because all effort you....

doing now, whatever that is. ❤️?

7 hours ago, Giulio Bevilacqua said:

Really do not know where to start.

Or stop, pause, relax, chill and enjoy an real deserved vaccination from whatever you want to call it. ?☠️?‍?????

 

Wish you all the best, take care and stay safe! ❤️?

[Giulio Bevilacqua]

@Nahm I started seemed retention because my mind was hugely influenced by Osho. Thinking that I could reach more energy and creativity. That man influenced me too much.

Slowly my sexual desire disappeared so the energy accumulated. Totally agree that it was a suppression of something else. Most of the time I felt a repulse for sex and expression in general. 

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

It is often said that all ailments have a spiritually corresponding explanation. For stomach ailment, there is said to be a belief or idea, usually about the separate self, which is held to be true but is not, and thus, is not ‘digestible’. Will vs no will could be such a belief / concept. ‘That I am stuck’ with a situation or circumstance could also be indigestible. 

So, evrytime it feels “bad” is it an indication of false belief? 

[_Archangel_]

51 minutes ago, Giulio Bevilacqua said:

I stopped evry practice. Except for allowing the spontaneous movements to unfold, they really help.

So you mean that by concentration you release energy and can move it at will ? 

 

1 hour ago, Giulio Bevilacqua said:

Seemen retention. 5 months, sexual desire was gone, masturbation was gone. Was practicing tai chi and qi gong evry day. Slowly the so called "symptoms" appeared. Mudras, body shaking, pain in the stomach solar plexus. 

@Giulio Bevilacqua By that i meant attention kept towards a single point. If done for too long and without adequate warm-up it can cause cause  problems (research Gopi Krishna's story). But i don't think it's your case.

Anyway, i think you can tackle your situation in many ways:

1)Leave aside energy work, and stick to a simple "I AM" meditation, investigate the "I" that is suffering this condition, Ramana Maharshi-Style.

2) I would suggest you start to spill that seed once in a while. Semen ritention might have added-up at your problem.
Find a way to "release" that energy ( go running, take a singing class).

3) As @Nahm is writing, you can put spirituality on hold for a moment. An overload of concepts and beliefs can be overwhelming.
Take a second to reflect and consider that you may have many unquestioned assumptions about the cause of your pain.

 

[Nahm]

8 minutes ago, Giulio Bevilacqua said:

So, evrytime it feels “bad” is it an indication of false belief? 

Yes. Even more relevant than true or false, is the self evident factor that it just doesn’t feel good, is not indicative & agreeable with the true nature, or, your inner being can’t join you in that thought or belief, and that is felt (suffering). It’s a lot like the philosophical question of ‘is it really wrong to hurt people’. Hurt is self evident, and does not need a philosophy. No one really needs ‘reasoning’ to take their hand of the hot stove. There’s just the simplicity of the burn and the relief. 

Just how I size it up, not meant too literal… but ‘purification’ is a lot like a bunch of food one ate which didn’t taste good, but was eaten because ‘that’s what people’ eat. People eat (do) a lot of really, really poor tasting stuff. It all comes up & out, as if barfing food. It doesn’t taste any better on the way out. Worse in ways. But, it ain’t in you no more, and it ain’t getting fed from you to others. In some matters you just gotta be (get to enjoy being) the chain breaker. 

Osho also said ‘make your stomach your best friend’. 

Energy & creativity are so abundant they can not belong to anyone. Can’t be given. Can’t be taken. Can’t be found. Can’t be lost. 

Some conditioning of repulsion in regard to sex and expression is a majorly delightful realization. I wish I could say ‘it is not your fault’, ‘you are innocent’, ‘ never ever beat up on yourself’… and some how the communication would become the known actuality. But it just doesn’t work that way. We all gotta barf till we’re empty. Below resentments, blame, anger, unfairness, is sadness, and below that there is deep sorrow, and below that love is being all things. 

 

[Gianna]

12 hours ago, Giulio Bevilacqua said:

@Gianna  do not know where to go, seems there is no foward

That's because there is no 'forward'. Your feelings are right. So trust yourself, it is all you have to do. 

[Giulio Bevilacqua]

@DIDego ??????‍?

[flowboy]

@Giulio Bevilacqua  Sorry to hear you are having a rough time of it. I don't have personal experience with this, but Vivek Govekar has a cool youtube channel about his kundalini process, and it was pretty dramatic too. Lots of useful tips in there.