Dealing with People You Have Nothing in Common With and Feeling Isolated

[soos_mite_ah]

I'm just venting and I really need to get this off of my chest. 

I find myself getting really quiet and shutting myself out when I feel like I don't have much in common. I don't necessarily feel anxious but I feel like I can't relate and as a result I have nothing to say and then consequently I don't really act like myself. These interactions also feel super forced. I also feel like these interactions feel super awkward and in a weird way it makes me feel like I don't have a personality or interests. I know I'm probably internalizing the fact that I don't click with everyone as some type of personal failure like that must mean that there is something defective about me (not interesting enough, not charismatic enough, lacking in social skills etc.) 

Also, it feels like forever since I have clicked with someone based on a common interest. I know it isn't my fault because I've been locked in the house for over a year but even though I'm normally really comfortable with being alone, lately it just feels really isolating. I genuinely crave relating people on an in person basis and sometimes I feel like I'm never going to find people I click with or find my tribe/niche. And on top of wanting to relate to people, I really just want to feel like myself again when it comes to social situations because I know that when I'm around people that I have things in common with, I'm much more open, much more out there, and just much more like the best version of myself for a lack of a better way of putting it.

Is this normal? Is it normal to not feel like you can be yourself and open up unless you feel like you have things in common with people?

[Thunder Kiss]

Yes it’s normal for insecure people.. but it’s also normal to simply not connect with everyone.  Most people are just acquaintances it’s rare to make a good friend. But what I have realised is that confident and secure people have no problems with being themselves no matter who they are around.  Yeah maybe they won’t get along with them for whatever reason, but that doesn’t effect their behaviour or make them want to isolate or act different.  
It’s a way to not be seen by people, a fear of people seeing the ‘real you’. usually it causes people to have ‘different personalities’ depending on who they are hanging around out of fear of judgement. 
work on being yourself without worrying how you are perceived by others, rather than isolating. It’s a long road. 
 

Edited July 13, 2021 by Thunder Kiss

[SamC]

On 2021-07-13 at 6:25 AM, soos_mite_ah said:

I'm just venting and I really need to get this off of my chest. 

I find myself getting really quiet and shutting myself out when I feel like I don't have much in common. I don't necessarily feel anxious but I feel like I can't relate and as a result I have nothing to say and then consequently I don't really act like myself. These interactions also feel super forced. I also feel like these interactions feel super awkward and in a weird way it makes me feel like I don't have a personality or interests. I know I'm probably internalizing the fact that I don't click with everyone as some type of personal failure like that must mean that there is something defective about me (not interesting enough, not charismatic enough, lacking in social skills etc.) 

Also, it feels like forever since I have clicked with someone based on a common interest. I know it isn't my fault because I've been locked in the house for over a year but even though I'm normally really comfortable with being alone, lately it just feels really isolating. I genuinely crave relating people on an in person basis and sometimes I feel like I'm never going to find people I click with or find my tribe/niche. And on top of wanting to relate to people, I really just want to feel like myself again when it comes to social situations because I know that when I'm around people that I have things in common with, I'm much more open, much more out there, and just much more like the best version of myself for a lack of a better way of putting it.

Is this normal? Is it normal to not feel like you can be yourself and open up unless you feel like you have things in common with people?

Ahh so when you're with people who don't share your values and stuff you feel alone?

Maybe you for some reason feel afraid to stand for what you belive in in situations where people " disagree with you/ don't share the same idea". That's how it many times is for me which makes me feel alone and also like I'm not my true self.. so alone - separated both from myself and other people.

[soos_mite_ah]

2 hours ago, SamC said:

Ahh so when you're with people who don't share your values and stuff you feel alone?

Pretty much.

2 hours ago, SamC said:

Maybe you for some reason feel afraid to stand for what you belive in in situations where people " disagree with you/ don't share the same idea". That's how it many times is for me which makes me feel alone and also like I'm not my true self.. so alone - separated both from myself and other people.

It's not so much about not being able to disagree with people or stand up for myself. But it's more along the lines of if I'm looking to relate to people, i wouldn't lead with the most unrelatable side of myself in order to connect to people. 

For instance, I'm not going to start talking about my political views unless it comes up with people I know are conservative. If the conversations come up with acquaintances, I don't have an issue with expressing myself or standing up for myself. But I'm not going to try to use that as a medium of connecting with people if that makes sense. I'll try to find something else we have in common with and talk about that, like idk, like what we did over the weekend. But it can get awkward when you run out of those mediums especially if you didn't have many in the first place and as a result you run out of things to say.  

On 7/12/2021 at 11:25 PM, soos_mite_ah said:

I don't necessarily feel anxious but I feel like I can't relate and as a result I have nothing to say and then consequently I don't really act like myself. These interactions also feel super forced.

I just wanted to reiterate this point because i don't think it's coming from a place of insecurity or fear. It's more so a feeling of isolation and feeling out of alignment with your surroundings. 

[SamC]

7 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Pretty much.

It's not so much about not being able to disagree with people or stand up for myself. But it's more along the lines of if I'm looking to relate to people, i wouldn't lead with the most unrelatable side of myself in order to connect to people. 

Why is it important to be yourself and feel like yourself in these situations?

7 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

For instance, I'm not going to start talking about my political views unless it comes up with people I know are conservative. If the conversations come up with acquaintances, I don't have an issue with expressing myself or standing up for myself. But I'm not going to try to use that as a medium of connecting with people if that makes sense. I'll try to find something else we have in common with and talk about that, like idk, like what we did over the weekend. But it can get awkward when you run out of those mediums especially if you didn't have many in the first place and as a result you run out of things to say.  

What happens if you would do it?

7 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I just wanted to reiterate this point because i don't think it's coming from a place of insecurity or fear. It's more so a feeling of isolation and feeling out of alignment with your surroundings. 

Falling different huh? 

[LastThursday]

On 13/07/2021 at 5:25 AM, soos_mite_ah said:

Also, it feels like forever since I have clicked with someone based on a common interest.

It feels great when you can just talk about the things that interest you. In my experience no-one ever has the same mix of interests as you, you vibe about different things with different people. But I get your predicament, none of my friends would understand half the things I'm interested in - it's partially why I'm on this forum, it's my outlet for that side of me.

The answer really is to see more people rather than shrinking back and isolating yourself. Are you in a situation where you can do that? How would you do that?

[soos_mite_ah]

12 hours ago, SamC said:

Why is it important to be yourself and feel like yourself in these situations?

It's kind of difficult to explain in words. I mean it feels good to be yourself. If we want to get spiritual in the explanation and look at it through that lens, it's because i want to feel authentic and therefore more in alignment with the unique version of source energy I'm embodying at the moment.  Authentically expressing yourself is an important part of embodying oneness. 

12 hours ago, SamC said:

What happens if you would do it?

It would cause unnecessary conflict that makes everyone involved uncomfortable and on guard. Often times I don't want to deal with people coming at me with their butt cheeks clenched looking for a fight. But mostly I'm also too lazy to lecture to people about my interests if they deep down inside don't care. 

11 hours ago, LastThursday said:

It feels great when you can just talk about the things that interest you. In my experience no-one ever has the same mix of interests as you, you vibe about different things with different people. But I get your predicament, none of my friends would understand half the things I'm interested in - it's partially why I'm on this forum, it's my outlet for that side of me.

I'm not really looking for people who are a carbon copy of my experiences or my hobbies/interests. Difference is good. I like being able to branch out and learn new things that I otherwise wouldn't venture into. But I think with relationships, whether they be platonic or romantic, there needs to be a good balance of similarities and difference. If yall are too different, you won't have much in common and it will be difficult to relate. But if yall are too similar, it can get boring and lead to stagnation because there is no newness for either of yall. 

And I'm with you when it comes to why I'm on this forum. This place is a nice outlet and I'm pretty sure this place kept me sane to a certain extent lol. 

11 hours ago, LastThursday said:

The answer really is to see more people rather than shrinking back and isolating yourself. Are you in a situation where you can do that? How would you do that?

You're right. Isolating isn't really the answer. I'm going to be moving into a situation where I can do that when I go back to school in august but I've been locked up in my house because of the pandemic so that is definitely a factor. 

[Javfly33]

No.

But you must be careful in opening up with certain stuff depending on the stage of ego development.they are.

You should be able to connect with people because of the mere fact that they are...people.

Oh yeah you are so special! Keep playing this game yeah see what that did to ya