I'm jealous of people having relationships

[Strangeloop]

I envy people who have relationships. Any kind: friendships, brotherhoods, sisterhoods, and especially romantic relationships.

I feel alone, mistreated, angry, hateful, sinful, guilty, shameful, scared, needy, and all out sad, unhappy. 

These feelings cause me thoughts of being alone forever, Like I will never find someone to talk to, like everything in my life will only be me talking to myself and no one is going to be there then I die and no one will care for me so I will just sit on my coach and talk to myself like a crazy(More like INSANE) person.

I feel like whenever I try to connect to person, the connection just intsantly slips away and no one is there to catch it.

So I sit alone, do nothing, and cry and moan and bitch about my problems, because I feel like a victim of life.

[Snuitje]

I think it's not a relationship that is the problem here. It's a life purpose. When you live congruent and aligned with your values you will meet people who have similar values and you can connect with these people. I don't think you can connect because you don't know your values etc. Am I right?

[Byun Sean]

46 minutes ago, Strangeloop said:

I envy people who have relationships. Any kind: friendships, brotherhoods, sisterhoods, and especially romantic relationships.

I feel alone, mistreated, angry, hateful, sinful, guilty, shameful, scared, needy, and all out sad, unhappy. 

These feelings cause me thoughts of being alone forever, Like I will never find someone to talk to, like everything in my life will only be me talking to myself and no one is going to be there then I die and no one will care for me so I will just sit on my coach and talk to myself like a crazy(More like INSANE) person.

I feel like whenever I try to connect to person, the connection just intsantly slips away and no one is there to catch it.

So I sit alone, do nothing, and cry and moan and bitch about my problems, because I feel like a victim of life.

It makes perfect sense you would be feeling this way. As humans we all need connection and are very sensitive to how people treat us. 

Kudos to you for being so open and real about it on an online forum like this. 

 

What would be your ideal relationship life if you could choose? 

Edited July 12, 2021 by Byun Sean

[Strangeloop]

@Snuitje Well I had some values written down, I remember the top one being service. But I don't think that's it at the moment. And even if I could boil down everything to having my values met I don't believe it would make any difference if I aligned with my values or not. It would be the same Strangeloop all over again.

13 minutes ago, Byun Sean said:

What would be your ideal relationship life if you could choose? 

This one is a thinker. Well I would have 4-5 male friends to hang out with. With them I would beatbox, played games and would go on road trips. But as I'm writing this I'm seeing that these more like copying other people. And authentically for me? It may sound evil or distorted or plain out dumb and stupid, but I would like to have my own community that I would run(and this again is something other people have done.) Okay let's be real here. I don't really know what my ideal relationship life would look like. I never had an ideal relationship or even a decent one, atleast in my eyes.

[SgtPepper]

Go outside and say hello to people. It'll wash away the strangeness you are feeling.

You are pure love just like everyone else and all you need to do is realize that. 

[Snuitje]

1 hour ago, Strangeloop said:

I feel alone, mistreated, angry, hateful, sinful, guilty, shameful, scared, needy, and all out sad, unhappy.

I would go to the root cause of these emotions then. For every one emotion ask atleast 5 times why and write it down. I think a pattern will emerge when doing this.

I agree with SgtPepper. I also think you should go out more based on talking to yourself. Go to a local bar and make it your own. Drink coffee there at day and bring something interesting with you.

Leo made a video on victim mentality, maybe worth a watch now.

[Byun Sean]

1 hour ago, Strangeloop said:

This one is a thinker. Well I would have 4-5 male friends to hang out with. With them I would beatbox, played games and would go on road trips. But as I'm writing this I'm seeing that these more like copying other people. And authentically for me? It may sound evil or distorted or plain out dumb and stupid, but I would like to have my own community that I would run(and this again is something other people have done.) Okay let's be real here. I don't really know what my ideal relationship life would look like. I never had an ideal relationship or even a decent one, atleast in my eyes.

 

What is stopping you from having the kind of relationship life you desire now?

 

 

[Arcangelo]

3 hours ago, Strangeloop said:

I envy people who have relationships. Any kind: friendships, brotherhoods, sisterhoods, and especially romantic relationships.

Me too.

Maybe accept that you will be alone forever and just try to think about something else?

That's what I do, and it kinda works.

Also there are pros to this shit. When I see people cheating and backstabbing each other I am glad I don't have to deal with that bullshit.

[Arcangelo]

1 hour ago, Snuitje said:

Leo made a video on victim mentality, maybe worth a watch now.

Yes I recently re-watched it because I needed it. It will help you.

The first time I watched I thought: -''OK I watched it I am no longer a victim anymore.''

I was mistaken. More than 30 years of victim mentality can not be erased by just watching a video.

[JonasVE12]

It may be difficult to see a way out of the apathy and stuckness. First of all sit with your emotions without wanting to do something about them. Allowing them, welcoming them and not trying to push them down. I know the feeling of not being able to connect with anyone because your energy is so contracted by the negative emotions you're holding in your subconscious. The solution is chasing small % of growth consistently in terms of revealing and releasing the emotions that keep you stuck. If you can't connect with anyone, get a job where you talk to people constantly. Like a sales job for example. Practice grounding and opening your heart with people. Practice sharing & listening. When you talk to 100s of people all day everyday, you open yourself up to many opportunities. Putting yourself in such an environment will automatically release much apathy and lower emotions. You stop caring & connection can flow more easily. You can try joking with people & getting into your body more. Your body is your emotional vehicle which drives human connection. I tell you this: Get a sales job. It's perfect if you're terrible at connecting with strangers. After that, it's much more easy to take the initial leap to approach women and focus on relationships. Understand that if you remain in your comfort zone, nothing will change ever. You can chase spirituality, meditation and affirmations all you want, but realise no change will happen if you don't take opportunities. When you remain in your comfort zone, you'll never truly get the chance to release guilt, shame, fear, etc and transform those to courage, peace and acceptance. Apathy/stuckness is a defense mechanism which holds you away from your fears. 

Surely do meditation, guided releases and energetic modeling to start to feel more. And also start to think about what you can do in the near future to get out of your comfort zone. Maybe plan skydiving for next week . 

[Strangeloop]

@Arcangelo Well you just going to ignore all the relationship benefits then. Only focusing on ignorance will only make you feel like you are incapable of doing anything properly. You will feel alone and then this loneliness comes you will feel miserable and like a victim like I do. 

Thos loneliness doesn't stop me from having conversations. Even if I feel alone I feel like I can acomplish something, it's rare but it happens. Especially after a huge tragedy. When Life hits hard, energy comes to change you.

 

[Strangeloop]

@JonasVE12 Well my job is perfect. I'm a taxi driver. My job is mandatory to meet people. The problem I'm occuring is staying in comfort zone like you said and not chatting people up. Which really sometimes is could help. But I would prefer not to. 

[Arcangelo]

21 minutes ago, Strangeloop said:

Well you just going to ignore all the relationship benefits then.

No. Actually my sister is reaching out which is incredibly awesome. And I am reconnecting with another sister, we are going to climb the highest mountain in my country. So yeah the benefits are huge, and I don't ignore them.

26 minutes ago, Strangeloop said:

Only focusing on ignorance will only make you feel like you are incapable of doing anything properly.

I don't understand

27 minutes ago, Strangeloop said:

You will feel alone and then this loneliness comes you will feel miserable and like a victim like I do. 

Oh yeah I have been there more than once. Believe me.

But also remember is not easy to find quality people.

If you feel lonely when you are alone you are in bad company.

I don't feel lonely I ABSOLUTELY love solitude.

30 minutes ago, Strangeloop said:

Especially after a huge tragedy.

Sorry for whatever happened man.

26 minutes ago, Strangeloop said:

I'm a taxi driver.

I recently started doing DIDI. And I met someone that is going to the highest mountain too! She sent me a text and everything!