Love Or Sex

[Magic]

Hi, I'm Matthew, I'm 29.

In the past, say 8 years ago, I was getting a lot of one-night stands.
It was study time, it was fun, it was the hormones, and the ego;
and girls liked me for my wit and sporty appearance.
With time, I grew out of this to such an extent so to avoid occasional sex.

Reason made me grew out of this.
Because it's irresponsible, futile, makes awful reputation, recedes me from genuine love,
takes so much time I could be spending on something more valuable, and eventually somebody's always getting hurt.

Having this intention in mind of avoiding sex without true love holds me back from hitting on a girl.
And I have this intention in my mind always when I talk to a girl.
This is a problem since, afair, developing true love takes time.

All that would be fine if I wanted to become an ascetic. But I don't.

First problem is that I lack sex physically.
I haven't had sex since I decided not to get into relationships only for the sake of it!
It's been c 4 months - it's like the longest pause since the beginning of my sex life.
I don't want any trouble because of this primordial biological need.

The other problem is my longing for my image of true love.
I meditate, I am aware of true happinness not being found in the external world, but
at the same time I internally long for... a woman made of flesh and bones I could love.
And to top that I am picturing her so perfect probably not gonna find her.

As a result, I've found myself in a gridlock:
On one end I instinctly avoid sex without true love I won't find anytime soon, and
on the other end I physically need sex, even if it had to be a one-night stand!

Feels like some part of me remembers and wants the wild times back, but
the reason kicks in and blocks any attempts to go there.

All deep stuff aside, doesn't love & sex, this intimate relationship between two people, give true happiness?
I remember it does. Isn't this how we are programmed, after all?

To complete the picture, I must add that:
- I was never left by a girl. It was always me to get bored first and break up.
- I also left a girl that might have been the love of my life. Maybe only now I idealize her.
  I started to regret the break-up no sooner than 3 years after we split.

Please share your thoughts.
 

[Bob84]

So you changed your opinion and your thoughts and have put the new ones on a pedestal and call them superior. Are you aware of this?

We are programmed how we are programmed, and our programming gets updated with ever experience. Are you aware of the fact that you are asking others to validate your programming?

What im kind of suggesting here is to push these limiting beliefs to the side and become aware of your ego. And then just do what ever makes you happy. What will make you happy? "Try and find out yourself" is the only reasonable answer to that question anyone can give you.

[Magic]

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So you changed your opinion and your thoughts and have put the new ones on a pedestal and call them superior. Are you aware of this?

As you wrote, "our programming gets updated with ever experience". It's natural.

Moreover, I think it's good as some thoughts in fact are superior to others.
For instance, "not to hurt others" is superior to "hurt others", or "it's good to self-actualize" is superior to "it's wrong to self-actualize".
These are my thoughts, too.

Using your nomenclature I could say "I updated my program to improve it".

 

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Are you aware of the fact that you are asking others to validate your programming?

That's what brought me here in the first place...
Isn't this exactly what makes this place is unique, that people are welcome to ask such questions?

 

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What im kind of suggesting here is to push these limiting beliefs to the side and become aware of your ego.

What are you referring to as "limiting beliefs"?
The ego part strikes a chord though... Could you elaborate, please?

 

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And then just do what ever makes you happy. What will make you happy? "Try and find out yourself" is the only reasonable answer to that question anyone can give you.

Sorry to say this, but please realise it's a very shallow and extremely detrimental platitude (attachement shows it in one way).
Additionally, you can read I was doing it and why I quit.