How To Deny Someone Without Hurting Their Self-Esteem

[Preety_India]

Just now, Iksander said:

No, we are.

We size each other up all the time, and to a greater degree than we do with women.

How fun is he to be around

Can he physically defend himself

Is he cool around women

Does he have good social skill

Does he present himself well

Is he smart 

ect. I could go on all day.

Yea yea. Are you guys a little generous with women or you walk around women with checklists ?

Just trying to understand male brain ya know .....

 

[Iksander]

9 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

 

Also men feel a bit cucked if they are being a nice friend to a good looking woman. Because it means facing the prospect that she will date another guy in the future. This hurts their pride and self esteem. Because they have to watch you describe your boyfriend to them and you'll be praising your boyfriend, it will make them jealous, they are being friends with a girl who they will not have yet they will know she is sleeping with her boyfriend so they feel a bit defeated or cucked, because it means the boyfriend is a better man.

 

 

 

No. You're describing weird men with few options here. Some men think this way sure but this is simply not an accurate description of 'men'

[Iksander]

@Preety_India Personally I look for traits in women that I find to be attractive.

You can call it 'walking around with a checklist' but it's the same for both sexes. We look for attractive traits in one and other

 

[Gianna]

7 minutes ago, Iksander said:

17 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Men are not very transactional with other men.

 

 

No, we are.

Just now, Lucas-fgm said:

I have to agree with you on this stuff dude.

Oh plot twist. I never realized this. 

Edited July 12, 2021 by Gianna

[Preety_India]

4 minutes ago, Iksander said:

No. You're describing weird men with few options here. Some men think this way sure but this is simply not an accurate description of 'men'

Do you think an attractive guy would be okay watching his attractive girl "friend" hugging her boyfriend ? I don't think so. I'm sure some part of him is going to be jealous thinking the boyfriend is lucky 

Am I wrong?

 

[Preety_India]

5 minutes ago, Iksander said:

@Preety_India Personally I look for traits in women that I find to be attractive.

You can call it 'walking around with a checklist' but it's the same for both sexes. We look for attractive traits in one and other

 

Yes agreed. I was just trying to tease because you compiled like a nice list of questions 

 

 

[Iksander]

@Preety_India If it were me in this situation, I wouldn't care at all. There's so many hot women. Why would I get hung up on one that has a boyfriend. Although, I don't keep female friends. Fuckbuddies would be the closest thing. I prefer friendship with men.

[Gianna]

4 minutes ago, Iksander said:

There's so many hot women

There really is. I need to remind myself of this every time I overthink someone's feeling, "eh, he'll be fine there's so many hot women out there for him" that really helps. Omg maybe that's what I'll say ?. "Oh no you don't want me, let's be friends. there's so many hot women out there you can fuck". This won't hurt they'll self esteem it'll actually empower them. This is my solution guys. 

Edited July 12, 2021 by Gianna

[Iksander]

@Gianna We have to be transactional with other men at first. We need to understand what each of us brings to the table.

 

For example If I choose to go to the club with a guy that's creepy around girls, It will fuck up my night.

If I choose to be friends with a guy that let's other people push him around it will put me in awkward situations where I have to keep defending him like he's my girlfriend. No thankyou.

If he can't defend himself if we get into a dangerous situation then I am at a disadvantage.

If he has emotionally issues I may get dragged into drama that I don't want to be part of.

The list goes on

[Gianna]

4 minutes ago, Iksander said:

I prefer friendship with men.

2 minutes ago, Lucas-fgm said:

Me too, I don't have any female friends. All my friends are male.

What's wrong with you guys?! There's so much to be learned from women.. as friends. You'll get the inside scoop.  

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, Iksander said:

@Gianna We have to be transactional with other men at first. We need to understand what each of us brings to the table.

 

For example If I choose to go to the club with a guy that's creepy around girls, It will fuck up my night.

If I choose to be friends with a guy that let's other people push him around it will put me in awkward situations where I have to keep defending him like he's my girlfriend. No thankyou.

If he can't defend himself if we get into a dangerous situation then I am at a disadvantage.

If he has emotionally issues I may get dragged into drama that I don't want to be part of.

The list goes on

This is some good reasoning

Helps me understand men a bit better.

 

[Iksander]

@Lucas-fgm I think there are so many guys with poor inter-gender relationship skills out there that women are used to it. They think the guys who are bad at trying to attract them are 'friends' 

 

This is not the way the 'friend-zoned' guy is seeing the situation. He's always hoping it will lead to more. 

 

Basically, these guys simply have bad mating strategy.

[Gianna]

1 minute ago, Preety_India said:

This is some good reasoning

Helps me understand men a bit better.

Me too!! Thanks for sharing. 

[Iksander]

@Gianna No we won't get the inside scoop. At least not the one we want (haha) 

 

What we will get is a load of crap like 'just tell her how you feel' or words that make us 'feel good' 

Girls are nice. Simply from reading this thread I can see you are a nice girl. BUT you would give me awful advice on how to attract women. Partly because so many women don't even know what they want, they just know when something FEELS good, they like it. 

 

The best phrase is 'If you want to catch a fish, don't ask a fish how to catch it. Ask a fisherman' 

Edited July 12, 2021 by Iksander

[Gianna]

Here is my new strategy: 

"Do you mind if I friendzone you? I just think we would make such good friends!!!" 

"There are so many hot girls out there you can fuck. Let's just be friends." 

"Hey, let's just be friends I can be your wingwoman." (this one is transactional– like men.)  
 

[Iksander]

@Gianna

Do not say 'Do you mind if I friend zone you' 

Still too passive. You need to be ruthless. You need to be honest about the fact you aren't attracted to the man or he will keep pestering you.

Edited July 12, 2021 by Iksander

[Preety_India]

Lot of interesting responses here from the guys.

I think I'm getting pen and paper.

Lot to learn here.

 

[Gianna]

1 minute ago, Iksander said:

@Gianna

Do not say 'Do you mind if I friend zone you' 

Still too passive

Haha I was kind of kidding but I probably would say some shit like that. I need to practice being ruthless. One day, I am going to spend an entire night out just being a savage. 

[Gianna]

Do guys respect savages? I feel like guys spend a lot of time complaining about girls being 'bitches'. But do they like/respect that!? Or do they like nice girls? Not that I need help getting guys or anything  haha 

Edited July 12, 2021 by Gianna

[Iksander]

@Gianna

One final story to help you feel better about being ruthless.

 

When I was 16, I had my heart CRUSHED TWICE in the space of a year by two girls I absolutely adored. I pictured myself being with them, I thought about them a lot and thought about how well I would treat them. They weren't attracted to me and both rejected me and said they just want to be friends. This absolutely killed me to the point I couldn't live with myself.

This facilitated personal transformation. I read and re-read countless dating and relationship book, learnt social skills, started lifting weights, taking care of myself, going out and talking to girls until I got really good at it. I had a few relationships and a lot of casual sex, and now I am with a girl who I absolutely love and she loves me very much. We have a bond way better than anything I could have imagined up myself. And you know what? She's way hotter and cooler than the girls who rejected me all those years ago!

 

Who do I have to thank for this? The girls who rejected me! It caused me so much pain that I had to transform. Now there is one more man in the world who know how to treat women, and one very happy girl in a relationship with the man of her dreams