How To Deny Someone Without Hurting Their Self-Esteem

[Gianna]

I really need help setting and defining my boundaries. Does anyone have any advice? 

[Iksander]

@Gianna What's the context here?

 

[Gianna]

@Iksander Someone you thought you were just friends with but who is trying to make it something more. 

Actually, this just triggered me to think that maybe a good thing to say is, "I like you better as a friend." Is this totally defeating? Haha. I shouldn't underestimate what others can handle. But I hate the idea of possibly hurting someone's self-esteem. 

Edited July 12, 2021 by Gianna

[Arcangelo]

Stop being a people pleaser.

[Gianna]

@Arcangelo I knowww. ugh. but HOW. 

[Iksander]

@Gianna Don't care about their self esteem, you won't be doing them any favors. Tell the person you aren't interested and stop being around them if they persist

Edited July 12, 2021 by Iksander

[Gianna]

1 minute ago, Iksander said:

stop being around them if they persist

Well yeah. But what if they keep texting you? Do I say, "please stop texting me?" Haha. 

[Iksander]

@Gianna are you pretending to be stupid 

 

Block. the. number.

 

[Preety_India]

Just say you don't want sex/romance/relationship.

I usually tell that I already have a boyfriend even if I don't. That kinda works at least some of the time.

Other times I say that I'm not exactly ready or mentally prepared for a relationship.

Yesterday I was on a dating site, and I rejected 10 dudes. Told them I'm looking for something better 

It's easier to reject strangers.

But if the guy is a friend, he's gonna be a bit butthurt.

I can't help with it if he is hurt. His moral responsibility to act like a man and take rejection.

 

And if the guy is offended by my rejection and holds a grudge, chances are he isn't going to be a good friend anyway, so losing him is no big deal 

A good friend understands and cares.

I don't need to walk on eggshells to please him ?!

He just wasn't meant to be a good friend if he makes a big deal out of something that I'm not ready for.

 

 

Sayonara to such people.

 

 

[Gianna]

3 minutes ago, Iksander said:

@Gianna are you pretending to be stupid 

 

Block. the. number.

 

HAHA. Omg. I want people– as friends. But they don't want to be just friends. So I have no friends. 

I have blocked numbers. 

And I know I need girl friends I am working on that. 

Edited July 12, 2021 by Gianna

[Iksander]

@Gianna Make friends with women and you won't have this problem.

[Gianna]

Just now, Iksander said:

@Gianna Make friends with women and you won't have this problem.

Is it bad to want masculine energy also in my life but as friends? Like wtf. 

[Iksander]

@Gianna I think you should consider the possibility that you are confused about what you want.

 

To be blunt, men want to fuck you not be your friend. We're designed that way.

Edited July 12, 2021 by Iksander

[Gianna]

 

7 minutes ago, Lucas-fgm said:

be really clear that you don't want anything with him.

Okay, so how would YOU do this. Specifically. What specifically would you say?

[Preety_India]

Most guys don't want to be friends because they want pussy 

You can't expect them to want to be friends because they don't operate on the same frequency.

Plus they have their own bunch of guy friends who they hang out with.

So they don't feel they need a woman to fulfill the friend side.

However they are lusting for sex because that's a part they don't get easily so if they are interested in a girl then their first thought is not friendship but romance 

They want their romantic side fulfilled and they need a nearby chick to do that job for them. 

Else they don't have much to get out of her that they won't get in other ways with their guy friends 

 

[Gianna]

2 minutes ago, Lucas-fgm said:

get a boyfriend or some fuck buddy

I don't want either of those. 

[Arcangelo]

14 minutes ago, Gianna said:

@Arcangelo I knowww. ugh. but HOW. 

The first step is to build a strong ego.

 

Men and women can not be friends.

I can be friends with a 55+ year old woman

I can be friends with an overweight woman

But I can never be a friend to a woman I am attracted too.

So if you are good looking woman. Drop your hopes of having male friends, unless they are gay.

[Gianna]

@Preety_India Thanks girl. Also, this is so true: 
 

13 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

And if the guy is offended by my rejection and holds a grudge, chances are he isn't going to be a good friend anyway, so losing him is no big deal 

[Gianna]

Sooooo can anyone give me actually liners to say? Like specific statements. Clearly, I need help with that. Haha. 

[Iksander]

@Gianna So you want a platonic male friend. Why specifically this and not a boyfriend? Now I am curious