Audit my life.

[benny]

Hi.

I'm going to give a bird's eye view of my current life circumstances and I'd love to hear people's perspectives on how I can continue to move forward constructively. I think it could be a powerful exercise and potentially provide some valuable insight and guidance. Thank you all in advance for taking the time to help me. I'll break my life down in terms of domains (e.g. relationships, health, career, etc.). I aim to keep it short, so no walls of text you need to wade through

 

General info

I'm a 26 year old male (27 next month). Born to an upper middle class family. Only child. Independent now and making my own way in the world. Came from an abusive background and was really fucked up because of it (deficit in all domains of life, depression and anxiety, low self-esteem, etc.). Through five years of concerted effort to grow and turn my life around, I've made massive progress. The results are written out below.

 

Relationships (familial)

Very close relationship with my mom. I lucked out. My mother is one of the best  people I know. Incredibly positive, incredibly supportive. Incredibly loving. She's awesome.

My biological father is toxic stage red/orange. Has a short temper, verbally and emotionally abusive. He can also be attentive, loving, and supportive. He lives on the opposite side of the country, so my relationship with him, prior to going no contact 6 months ago, was conducted over the phone. I haven't seen him in 3 years, I haven't spoken to him in six months. It causes me a lot of pain because, naturally, there's a part of me that wants my father in my life. He isn't always awful, but when he is, he's truly awful. I suspect he has narcissistic personality disorder. I'm currently reflecting on whether or not I want to reconcile.

 

Relationships (platonic)

I have 3 friends and a few acquaintances (who are friends of my friends). I'm super close with my best friend. We love each other and we're at the point where we openly express it. He has my back and I have his. I'm incredibly grateful for his friendship. My other two friends aren't as close, but they're still good friends and I enjoy their company. I'd like to add 1 or 2 more good friends to the roster. I consider myself pretty confident and outgoing, generally speaking. I wasn't always that way and it took a lot of work to get there. 

 

Relationships (romantic)

Used to be absolutely clueless. had one long-term relationship from 18-21. It was super toxic and co-dependent because we were both really insecure. Discovered pickup at 22, which I dabbled in for a couple of years (on-again-off-again). Went on between 150-300 dates from 22 to now (you stop counting after a while). Have probably slept with about 50ish women (again, stopped counting). Only 2 or 3 of the women I've dated ever expressed interest in being exclusive. I turned them down because I felt I'd be settling. Most of the women I've dated I've fucked it up with within 1-8 weeks of the dating phase (avg. week 2 or 3). Was recently seeing a woman for a couple of months and things were going really well. She's currently in Japan for the summer for work, so that's on ice. I am currently doing a deep dive into this area of my life, doing 3 cold approaches Monday-Friday. Sometimes I slack off and don't approach though. My target is 2000 approaches. So far I've done 111. I'm also reading How to Be a 3% Man by Corey Wayne. I've also studied how to have amazing sex, which has translated into incredible experiences in the bedroom. I credit @Leo Gura, in part, with his videos on sexuality. They really helped me become conscious of how to fuck a woman properly. Thanks, Leo!

 

Finances and business

I have 30 grand in the stock market. It's being managed by a very well-regarded financial advisor. The only reason he took on my portfolio is because he manages my mom and step dad's portfolio. I'm well below the minimum networth this guy usually requires, so I'm very fortunate. I have about 4 grand in cash and that represents my living money. I've been collecting government assistance since March of 2020 since being laid off from my job as a server due to covid. During that time, I acquired my life coaching certification through iPEC, as well as my personal training certification through ACE. I have hired a business consultant who specializes in helping coaches build full-time coaching practices and I'm doing the work to build my practice each day. I've also been applying to all the gyms and fitness studios in the city to get work as a trainer while I build my practice. Currently have 2 paid clients as a coach; nowhere near paying my bills (which are already pretty modest, given my frugal lifestyle), but it's a start!

 

Health

I exercise at the gym 4 days per week, not counting all the walking and biking I do (I do not own a car; can't afford one right now). I'm a vegetarian. All my meals are whole foods (and organic, where I can afford it). Tons of veggies, fruits, oats, eggs, almond milk, almond butter, brown rice, lentils, chickpeas. I look great and I feel great. I'm 5'9, weighing in at 150lbs. I also get 7-8 hours of sleep per night, meditate every single morning for 20 minutes, and express gratitude for 3 things in my life every morning.

 

Mental health

Overcame my pure obsessional disorder (subtype of OCD) with CBT and personal development. Still have OCD but now it's just for cleanliness and order, which doesn't cause any distress. Also get depressive episodes and anxiety. When I'm happy and in a good place, I'll feel on top of the world. Happy periods vary in length. When I'm depressive, it can be very taxing emotionally. Depressive periods tend to last 4-8 weeks, and then I feel really happy for a while. Typically my depressive episodes are catalyzed by some sort of stressor in my life. Need to go to therapy and work this stuff out.

 

Productivity

I wake up early (6:45am). Sometimes I lay in bed until as late as 7:30am. This is a self-control issue I want to get handled. I work in block time. 3 blocks for 2 hours each. I take every Saturday off, and every second week I take a two-day weekend.

 

Hobbies

Guitar, archery, cooking, hiking, and writing. Writing, as I continue to build my business, will become a central component of my life purpose and will be more than just a hobby.

 

Addictions

Don't drink, smoke, or do hard drugs. I smoke marijuana once every couple of months. I've also recently started taking psychedelics again after a five year hiatus, this time for personal growth. I intend to do them 2-4 times per year. I do not watch porn. I do not drink. I don't drink coffee. I don't have social media (except FB for business). Don't smoke cigs. I have a web browsing addiction. I can also distract myself with daydreams when I should be working. I've made huge progress in developing focus and continue to work on it.

 

And that is my life in a nutshell. If you have any questions, insights, etc., I'd love to hear what you have to say.

Edited July 12, 2021 by benny

[Thought Art]

Sounds like you've made a lot of growth and have a lot of systems in place. Glad to hear about your mature and balance take on psychedelics because I was putting way to my importance on them. I to think that 3-4 times a year for them is ideal. Or, at least 10-12 times. Once for each month.

I am looking to get into pick up and will be taking Owen Cooks online pickup course. I am currently studying accounting and want to gain a high level understanding of finance. I think mastering that area would be important. I want to run my own business so the more skills I can have for setting this up and thinking long term, creating balanced and sturdy systems in my life the better.

I have ADHD, and I will likely go back on medication for at least 6 months to see how that affects my focus and thinking.

I can't say too much about what you are doing other than it sounds like you are growing into a well balance person despite a rough start in life with mental health. I have suffered greatly in my youth as well. Years of constant anxiety and self hatred. I sense I am beginning to balance out as I am using all the tools at my disposal and figuring out mature approaches to these tools.

Thanks for the post!

Edited July 14, 2021 by Thought Art

[Bodhitree]

@benny Sounds like you are establishing a very solid foundation to build on. Congratulations for digging yourself out of the mire and starting self development work!

A few tips, or areas where you might want to put some focus…

• Enjoyment… try doing a cookery course or wine tasting… excellence extends to enjoyment you know
• Spirituality… I would suggest starting mindfulness or yoga (also good for meeting the ladies)
• Make the mental health a priority… often depression has to do with unhandled life issues
• The arts… you have a few hobbies, that’s a good start, I would look into finding a passion