Pickup is leading to frustration

[Snuitje]

22 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

It is hard to just sit and love myself. When I had her it was much easier to love myself.

If it was easy, we would live in a different world. Your love was extrinsic. Life is not outside to in, it's inside to out.

You can't 'own' a person. 

Edited July 13, 2021 by Snuitje

[StarStruck]

In my opinion my problem is not lack of self love but lack of a healthy ego. I just crumbled by what happened. I need to develop some boundaries, anti fragility and healthy egoism. 

In other words I need to turn the tables around. I feel like girls are manipulating me.  I have to create so much personal power that I can manipulate them. And yes, there is some toxicity in this but I don't chose my life. 

[John Iverson]

6 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

logistics are almost never right

what is right logistics? 

[Javfly33]

46 minutes ago, John Iverson said:

what is right logistics? 

+1 interested in this. I heard Leo talk about this a lot but I'm not sure what he really means with that word.

@Leo Gura Do you mean having a place on your own and also that it's near where you meet for the date or near where she lives, for example? ?

[StarStruck]

@Javfly33 @John Iverson logistics means logistics. So if it is possible to date her. If she has time. If she is available and has no bf. If it is possible to pull her home or get an instant date. 

[Javfly33]

Just now, StarStruck said:

@Javfly33 @John Iverson If she is available and has no bf. 

U sure That's logistics? Why she would agree to meet with you for a date if she has already a boyfriend tho? 

[Peter Miklis]

@Javfly33 @John Iverson It basically means all of the factors that are necessary to actually have sex, beside her being attracted to you. A no-brainer, eh?

Shit like your time schedules aligning, you having place of your own where no one interupts you, her friends, potential boyfriend (in case we wanna get really unetical with this lol), even simple shit like you having condoms availible.

[StarStruck]

22 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

U sure That's logistics? Why she would agree to meet with you for a date if she has already a boyfriend tho? 

Why do you think? Girls can cheat too.

[Javfly33]

50 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

Why do you think? Girls can cheat too.

Then it's not problem than she has a girlfriend Lol

@Peter Miklis Well If the problem about it is not having condoms then you are really stupid Lmao

Also why her friends would be a problem. They are not their parents. 

[universe]

On 11.7.2021 at 6:41 PM, StarStruck said:

I'm already going to therapy once a week.

What I meant was more like a coach who can teach you stuff 1on1. Can make thinks easier.

What also helps is working on your Emotional Mastery.

[LastThursday]

5 hours ago, StarStruck said:

In other words I need to turn the tables around. I feel like girls are manipulating me.  I have to create so much personal power that I can manipulate them. And yes, there is some toxicity in this but I don't chose my life. 

Avoid toxicity (aka suffering and pain). The real answer is to manipulate yourself - hack your own operating system. Girls may or may not be trying to manipulating you, either consciously or unconsciously. You should be like "who cares?". Raise your own consciousness.

Edited July 13, 2021 by LastThursday

[StarStruck]

11 minutes ago, LastThursday said:

Avoid toxicity (aka suffering and pain). The real answer is to manipulate yourself - hack your own operating system. Girls may or may not be trying to manipulating you, either consciously or unconsciously. You should be like "who cares?". Raise your own consciousness.

Good point. The thing is that I'm not good at manipulating myself, and secondly I'm easily manipulated by others. I don't know to develop myself in this area. I would love to read some books about it.

[StarStruck]

1 hour ago, universe said:

What I meant was more like a coach who can teach you stuff 1on1. Can make thinks easier.

What also helps is working on your Emotional Mastery.

Coincidentally my therapist and me are working on stress/frustration tolerance.

Coaches are no psychologists. In my experience they don't understand psychology very well. Perhaps very expensive coaches understand psychology but I can't afford those.

[bejapuskas]

@StarStruck I do not think you should be pushed to manipulate the other person in a relationship. I think having the other person being interested in you by themselves and simultaneously having you both try your best to be better and better for each other is a more stable scenario. Consider the possibility that you are pushing for the impossible or for the unenjoyable and you do not actually know what you want. How much experience do you actually have, how confident are you that that girl was actually somebody you would want? She was not even interested man, how can you say you would want that.

[Peter Miklis]

@Javfly33 Do you have condoms in your wallet or pockets at all times? If yes, then good for you, but not having condoms happened to me a couple of times, so I literaly couldn't fuck and had to call it off? it's the little things you forget that fuck you over, not big things you remember. Just sayin', some unlucky shit happened to me a couple of times?

Just to clarify, in case you asked "well, why haven't you bought the condom then?" or "Why didn't she just sucked you off?" Well, we were under a bit of a time constraint, so there was no time, it was either now or not. So yeah, like I said, it's better to have condoms at all times.

Regarding friends, yeah that was a bad example. That's really a part of my "schedules aligning" point.

Edited July 13, 2021 by Peter Miklis

[StarStruck]

39 minutes ago, bejapuskas said:

@StarStruck I do not think you should be pushed to manipulate the other person in a relationship. I think having the other person being interested in you by themselves and simultaneously having you both try your best to be better and better for each other is a more stable scenario. Consider the possibility that you are pushing for the impossible or for the unenjoyable and you do not actually know what you want. How much experience do you actually have, how confident are you that that girl was actually somebody you would want? She was not even interested man, how can you say you would want that.

Hard to disagree on that but she doesn't have to love me. If I have gotten sex it wouldn't feel so bad to be sidelined right now.

I get what you mean but you weren't there. We had a very good connection enjoying just being in each other's presence. I never had that before. It was not weird that I mourn losing that and not being able to keep her attracted to me. Is it so weird that I try to manipulate myself to be able to keep and attract a girl I like?

[John Iverson]

15 hours ago, StarStruck said:

@Javfly33 @John Iverson logistics means logistics. So if it is possible to date her. If she has time. If she is available and has no bf. If it is possible to pull her home or get an instant date. 

WHen i think of logistic, a date place super near from your place, i am fixed with that .. atleast somehow you opened to other stuffs, the problem is, so the goal is i should pick a date place where every girl i meet i should date her in a place that is near to my place? Is that it? Or what? What if the date place is nit near, is there any logistics i could possibly do? Or it is the only one logistics? 

[John Iverson]

15 hours ago, Peter Miklis said:

@Javfly33 @John Iverson It basically means all of the factors that are necessary to actually have sex, beside her being attracted to you. A no-brainer, eh?

Shit like your time schedules aligning, you having place of your own where no one interupts you, her friends, potential boyfriend (in case we wanna get really unetical with this lol), even simple shit like you having condoms availible.

Ohhh cool this really i want to know.. so for now how can i lay a girl while i am at my parents house? Maybe in the hotel? 

[Peter Miklis]

24 minutes ago, John Iverson said:

Ohhh cool this really i want to know.. so for now how can i lay a girl while i am at my parents house? Maybe in the hotel? 

That's a dillema I'm trying to figure out lol. I mean, I love my parents and all, but they can be a big obstacle in this case.

Yeah, car, hotel, basically anywhere where you can be in private. A place of your own would be perfect, but for now we gotta improvise.

Edited July 14, 2021 by Peter Miklis

[bejapuskas]

@John Iverson  She needs to feel safe and certain that people will not interrupt. Try masturbating with a parent in the room next to you to see how it might feel for her to do it in your parents' house. Safety and privacy are key.

@StarStruck  No it is not weird. I understand you are very attracted to her. If you had sex in that state of connection you had, that might feel nice, but maybe she understood what happened differently. People tend to idealize experiences when they fall in love. Your perception might be very biased. I am not sure though, but like when you find a person with whom there is no friction, manipulation and also there is connection, that is the best. If you miss any of these, you might be disappointed. I dont think you want sex without connection do you.