Best way to close a set

[StarStruck]

I noticed that it is better to ask a number than ask for a coffee date. Why? Getting number is low threshold.  Her agreeing on a date I means her committing on something.  

In the latter it is needed to ask her number anyway to meet up. 

I noticed that girls find it a big step to agree on a coffee date on the spot. What works for me is this baby stepping sequence: to get number > ask for date. 

Am I having a wrong paradigm about this? Nowadays I'm kind of reluctant to ask for coffee dates in the near future or asking for instant dates. I feel like girls find it too heavy or are they just not interested enough?

 

[flowboy]

6 hours ago, StarStruck said:

Am I having a wrong paradigm about this? Nowadays I'm kind of reluctant to ask for coffee dates in the near future or asking for instant dates. I feel like girls find it too heavy or are they just not interested enough?

They are just not interested enough (yet). You should be vibing with them so much, that they voluntarily give you their contact info. Creating a shared vision of a future plan/activity together is crucial, or at least having a mutual agreement in the conversation that you should see each other again. It can be as short as "I think we should hang out. Yeah, I'd like that. Blah blah..", or as elaborate as you telling something cool you're going to do, and casually saying "btw you should come too", as long as she's enthusiastic about it. If you do that naturally through conversation, exchanging details is only a natural next step that doesn't require thinking/an awkward moment.

 

I suspect that a lot of those numbers you ask for without having very concrete future date plans, rarely actually meet you again. Am I correct?

 

So be careful what you measure. Girls give their numbers all the time just to get rid of someone. Again, because rejecting a guy to his face is not only awkward but can be mortally dangerous to them.

Measure the percentage of girls actually showing up, to determine whether your strategy works.

Edited July 10, 2021 by flowboy

[StarStruck]

@flowboy that is true.  I get numbers and a lot don't ignore me but they are just reluctant to meet me because I'm just a dude that was fun to speak to and meeting up with me is kind of a big step I guess.

I think you are right. Todd from RSD calls it narrative building. I'm kind of reluctant to do that because I think girls will find it weird that a guy talks about future narratives between me and the girl. 

Also don't know what kind of narrative I can use. Usually I say you seem fun, let's get a coffee. They agree on the spot but I can see them hesitant. Couple of days pass and I check up and they don't seem very open. 

Also I'm not very frightening. I always approach girls in busy streets. They can easily reject me without danger.

[flowboy]

1 hour ago, StarStruck said:

Also I'm not very frightening. I always approach girls in busy streets. They can easily reject me without danger.

Not every flake is because she didn't want to. Most of them will be because in the moment she felt like 'ok sure', and later she had a fight with her mom and just felt negative and couldn't remember why she said yes to that. And if there's no concrete future plan that you drilled into her brain - it's like whatever.

 

1 hour ago, StarStruck said:

I'm kind of reluctant to do that because I think girls will find it weird that a guy talks about future narratives between me and the girl.

Why? It's not weird. It's only weird if she's not liking you. The subtext of the conversation has to indicate that you are an awesome guy and that she is interested in getting to know you. By subtext I mean that it's not literally said, but both of you feel it. If that's the case, it's not weird, it's actually a relief when you bring up a future plan. Because in that stage you need an 'excuse' to hang out. You both know you like each other but you can't say it yet - that would break the spell. So she wants you to invent an excuse, make a narrative that allows both of you to meet again. You know it's a date, she knows it, but the guise is casual - low commitment, something cool, hangout. But you both know it's more than that. But you don't say it. That's the game.

 

1 hour ago, StarStruck said:

Also don't know what kind of narrative I can use. Usually I say you seem fun, let's get a coffee. They agree on the spot but I can see them hesitant. Couple of days pass and I check up and they don't seem very open. 

It's not about the thing. The thing is just the excuse you create so both of you can be together without already publicly committing to a date, or confirming that you for sure like each other. It has to be up in the air. You only need this narrative when there's a subtextual understanding that you are an attractive man and you may or may not be interested in her, and you want to give her a chance, and she's thinks you're attractive and hopes that you like her.

If you get hesitation, work on establishing this first.

And of course - you don't establish this by telling her things to impress her - instead you make sure that you believe you are awesome, are feeling awesome, you love yourself, and so then you radiate that. Then you are already attractive without saying anything. The vibe is strong. From there, you just kinda say whatever, anything is fine as long as you worship your own words. Downplay your awesomeness, even. "I'm just a regular guy (big smile)" is great.

Edited July 10, 2021 by flowboy

[universe]

If you have the time I'd ask for a coffee right now. Get her contacts only if that doesn't work out.

But that's just me, I'm tired using technology.