Feeling of Being Bad / Being an Impostor

[Raphael]

Hey everyone,

I have been living with a feeling of being bad, being an impostor, being inadequately perceived by people for almost my entire life.

This feeling intensified a bit recently when I got in touch with an old friend that I'm going to do business with. I have a lot of respect for this friend because he is a well-integrated stage Orange/Green person. I feel that I'm not at his level regarding technical skills, social skills, and life experiences. I feel like he got me right when he evaluated my competencies which means that I lack some knowledge in the field, but I also see that this friend perceives me as having all the capabilities to succeed and this is where I feel like an imposter.

I have been labeled as smart or as having a high potential since I was young. Some people told me that I was smart just by looking at my face without even knowing me, some people told me that I was a good person just by hearing me talking. However, if there is something that I don't feel that I am is precisely being smart because I always doubt myself enormously. If I search in my memories and go back to high school, I remember a teacher telling me that I was very serious regarding work (and she wasn't the only one). This didn't make sense to me because I rarely took school very seriously. What I would do after school is just go on my computer and play video games, I wouldn't do my homework that much regularly, but this teacher would still perceive me as being serious. I didn't have bad grades most of the time, I was actually a bit above average without putting in that much effort. I had a few periods where I would have terrible grades, but also moments where I would get incredible results by just pushing myself a bit more. I think I could have easily been one of the top students if I would have put the effort in, but I was too lazy to do it.

Regarding personal development, it's similar. Even if I have been following Leo's work and consuming other resources for a while now, I feel that I know nothing about personal development, less than 1%, and within this, I feel that I embody even less.

I feel fake, I feel like I'm hiding who I am. I feel being much less than how people perceive me and being much less than how I present myself. Some people told me in the past things like "You are doing great", but I always feel the complete opposite. I don't feel special, I'm not really proud of anything, I never accomplished anything that I consider significant.

Does anyone relate to this?

[Preety_India]

@Raphael are you being inauthentic? Like being something in public but different in private?

Maybe you're seeking validation? Just a guess.

If the above statements are true, then invest your time in shadow work and you'll get rid of the fakery.

I had a problem with pretentiousness a few years ago where I wouldn't open up about my life fully and make my life look better in public out of fear of judgement. I got rid of this behaviour through shadow work. 

These days I'm more authentic and not fearful of being vulnerable about my personal issues.

Hope this helps.

[Raphael]

4 hours ago, Preety_India said:

are you being inauthentic? Like being something in public but different in private?

Maybe you're seeking validation? Just a guess.

If the above statements are true, then invest your time in shadow work and you'll get rid of the fakery.

Yeah, looks like this is the case.