Feel So, So Lost

[MHarris]

For the last 18 months or so, I have been feeling extremely lost with what to do in/with my life.

I've been following actualized.org for I guess like a year now, but not at all been taking action; it's just information overload for me atm.

I don't know what sort of action to take, because I have no real purpose or mission to work towards. 

I went through the Life Purpose course, but did not find my purpose. I found my values and strengths, but don't know how to implement them together to create a compelling future for myself.

I am 23 (almost 24 ), and am a year in studying at top university in London, studying physics.

I realise (logically) that I am in a very privileged position to be doing this.

I have many, what I would call, 'acquaintances', but no actual friends, whether from inside my university or outside of it. And this upsets me because I see so many people able to socialise so very easily, and I cant do the basics which is actually making a good friend. 

I literally have no life. I'm incredibly unmotivated by my studies, although it can be ok sometimes, and am uninspired by my prospects in the future, which is killing my mood every time I wake up in the morning. It takes so much effort just to get out of bed. I regularly just decide to miss classes in the morning, just because I don't feel like I can face the day. 

I have no hobbies or cool activities that I do like everyone else, but I feel like I just find everything boring. I am just finding life itself immensely boring. I just want to stay in and watch movies and tv. 

I wasn't like this a few years ago; I was extremely motivated to get into a top university and attack the world, but ever since I came to the university, my motivation and drive has just vanished. I feel this is because, before I had a clear mission that was emotionally compelling to me, but now I do not. I want that feeling of invincibility again of having a clear purpose, but don't know what to do or how to find one again.

I am literally just spending the day, waiting for night to come so I can fall asleep again, only to do the same process again and again and again......

Don't feel like I fit in with anyone I am around. Everyone is younger than me, at like 18 or whatever, and just wants to party nonstop, and that cool for them, but I feel like I am wasting my time when I'm doing that. I have already wasted so much of my time, so doing stuff like that I feel is just sinking me and pushing me deeper in to a hole.

I've also never been in a relationship. I am ugly as hell, so I am more or less accepting the fact that loneliness will be my companion forever, but I do wish it were different, you know?

I don't know how to manage my time, but more importantly, I don't know what to do with my time. 

Basically, I don't know what I like, or what to do. 

At this point in my life, what do I focus on? If you were in my position, what would you do? 

Been putting off asking for advice for a long time as I feel this is my problem I need to solve, but I really need a kick here. 

Sorry if all this is just nonsense, or I'm complaining too much or whatever, but the feeling that I am well and truly in the shit is very real for me, and would like some advice, if possible. 

Thanks

 

[Prabhaker]

10 minutes ago, MHarris said:

At this point in my life, what do I focus on? If you were in my position, what would you do? 

Focus on your studies, do light aerobic exercises like walking/ jogging, learn meditation and yoga, eat healthy food. 

[cirkussmile]

You don't have to do a anything! The problem is that you think you have to do something.

No one is doing a shit and you will not find anything because there's nothing to be found. 

If you still want to do something then start meditating. 

 

[MaxBlank]

@MHarris Hello.

I'll go ahead and be up front: I am (almost) 50. I didn't bother with Leo's course. At any rate, I spent much of my spare time in my adult life trying to figure out what I "should" do; only to look back, about 10 years ago, and realize that I actually WAS doing it- I was living it. It was every moment that I was fully engaged in the moment. There is no "should" "could", or "would" when it comes to living a life. Life simply is, and that is all.

If you do find something that you want to do IN life, do it with every ounce of passion you have in you.

Enjoy, and remember to breath.

[amir1993]

Omg, it's looking I typed this text. But I am studying biology. I feel lost too, and almost everything as you described.

[Huz]

Hey man,

I felt the same way as you do (still do sometimes). I do maths and physics at ucl at the moment. For the past year i have reclused to reflect deeply on my life and to also escape from it. Doing a lot of meditation and introspection. Now I am starting to understand suffering and very interested in consiousness and science so I want to do that. You can get out of this rut it just takes some emotional labour to overcome. If you dont choose to overcome this emotional labour it will cause depression (in my experience). 

Here are some tips;

1) Start a meditation practice every day

2) Get into an exercise routine and eat well

3) Fully accept how you are at the moment. Be kind to yourself. You are the product of the environment you have grown up in, love that mechanism. It is beautiful the way your mind has assimilated the world into a world view to protect you when your grow up. However, it does backfire because of the complex ways we live and the stuff we believe on a grander level now. But see magnifance in the way you work. How you feel is how it is meant to be. I know it is hard not to accept yourself but once you fully do change will begin to happen. And I mean radically except yourself ie everything that you hate, start to love that. There is nothing wrong with the life you live. The only thing that is causing you these feelings are the superposition of how you believe your life should go and your self agendas on to raw reality.

What's the hard thing to bite is that they are complete fictions constructed by arbitrary symbols which you get meaning from. There isn't a person who doesn't have a life. There is life and then thoughts being experienced within experience which say "I dont have a life". Why do you choose do believe these thoughts? The content is not real and the meaning is arbitary, it has no root. You can choose to believe or not but if you do you will suffer

4) Take responsibility: this means identify the areas you are not happy with and get to work on them and to accept that you, and only you, is the reason for why your life is the way it is.  Or you can just fully accept it and be happy with that aspect of life, your happiness isnt dependant on weather you fix the issue or not. But if you want to fix it, notice when you beat yourself up in an area on your life, write it down, accept it first be ok with this area of your life being like it is, then start to work on it. Put you image of yourself aside. So like if you want to get better with girls join a pick up community, if you want to inspire people say start public speaking, if you want to be funnier do improv classes and just TAKE action. Dont think about this and that, just DO IT. Leos book list has got some amazing books that will help you. Improv if good because it brings your authenticities out and you get to know yourself on a deeper level.

5) Do consiousness work and self injury - this will help a lot with accepting yourself and removing the belief system and lies you have built up. Question the feelings and see if there is any root to them. The thing is you have identified yourself with them but these feelings are not permanent, they come and go so how can they be you. Start to ask this.

Don't expect a quick fix, this shit will take along time to overcome.

The answers to those questions from your post are within you you just have to claw your way through the pile of shit you have on top of it to get the answers. 

If you wanna meet up man then hit me up or call me if you want

Edited November 19, 2016 by Huz

[Pramit]

I remember feeling the same way when i joined graduate school for the first time. But it was on much different circumstances, so i am not qualified to comment on your situation. However, what i did was - i quit graduate school. I had other plans for myself. Whether its good or bad, i am still in the process of executing those plans. Lets see where life takes me. 

[Leo Gura]

@MHarris Sounds like you're a good candidate for enlightenment work.

Nothing in the material world will ever really satisfy you anyways. Only Truth will. So why not pursue it with a vigor?

The Truth is free ya know

As you get closer to Truth, I'd bet your purpose will materialize.

You might also be a good candidate for psychedelics. One strong mushroom trip could really jolt you out of your funk. I say this because it sounds like you're really lacking a connection to Source Consciousness. You've gotten lost in our dysfunctional culture and materialism. It's time for you to discover that reality is mystical and your crappy life is but a dream.

[Christian]

I feel you. I also have a hard time figuring out what in relation to my life purpose. But I think the most important thing to do is to lay the groundwork. 

If you are lacking friends/security, handle that first. The basic needs you have are the most relevant because those will hold you back the most unless you have done years of consciousness work. 

Also, start meditating daily. I reccomend 20 minutes a day as a start for you.

Besiddes this, try different activities to point you in the direktion of your life purpose. Maybe the reason why you have a hard time finding passion is because you have not tried enough activities. That was the case with me. Start taking action and stop watching videos. 

Basically, what I am saying in a nutshell is this: build your life - your real life, get out and fail, laugh, cry, love , discover. Human beings are means to live. And you can learn more from living than following. 

[ajasatya]

@MHarris i agree with what @Leo Gura said because once i was on the same place that you are right now.

if you allow me, my suggestion is that you understand the four noble truths with depth, find a zen sangha and start practicing zazen, which is the all-in-one practice of the eight fold path.

[Shin]

Every time you get bored, just meditate.

It will be hell for a while, but aren't you already in it ?

What you're experiencing is a sort of depression, I had one too (of 7 years), everything you say was how I felt back then.

 

Meditation and walking mindfullness are the keys.

You have to increase your awareness or all your actions will always be led by your beliefs, and your beliefs right now are very negatives.

 

Just do as others said before me about meditation (20 minutes minimum), and start with a mantra meditation.

Relax, breath and exhale deeply, and after every cycle, tell yourself "I am happy".

It may sounds stupid, but after some weeks, you'll notice a change, guaranteed.

It WILL be hard, and you will resist a lot at first, but brute force yourself to do it.

Even when you're accustomed to it, you'll still have a lots of thoughts popping, but it won't be as disturbing as before,

 

You don't have to limit yourself to 20 minutes, if you can do more, do more, the point is to be so at peace, that all your limiting beliefs will start to fade.

You will ask yourself why you thought this way, how it is stupid, and at some point you will not even think these thoughts were stupid, but how all of your past actions was necessary to your present understanding.

 

As for walking mindfullness, it is just a walk (45 minutes minimum), where you focalise your attention on your body sensation, which helps to  reduce your thoughts.

It is one of the best way to feel alive that you can do, everywhere at any time. It is also very hard not to think about what you see, but with time it will feel amazing.

Do it in a forest or in a plain if possible, and don't hesitate to stop and watch something that feels intriguing or beautiful.

You can do this in any season, even in winter nature can be beautiful, but I admit it is harder to feel it in this season, probably because of all the cultural references we have about it (death, famine, war etc ...).

Just wait till summer, oh boy, it's better than sex

 

After some months of practice, when meditation and walking mindfulness are habits, meaning that you don't force yourself to do them, but you do them intuitively (you may not understand that right now, but you will), come again on the board to ask us what is the next step.

You can do a lot of others things to get better, like hiking, watching pets at pets store (I love to do that for some reasons ^^), joining a hobby association, discovering new musics style etc ...

 

But don't bash yourself if you can't do too much things, because you can't change your life in one go, you can only take 2 habits at a time.

The point is to do your meditation and your walk, then do others things if you feel you have enough energy to do so.

 

Do the meditation and the walking mindfullness exercice as soon as you can in your day.

 

One more point, if you have to take the metro or the train to get somewhere every day (or often), don't hesitate to just close your eyes and listening to your surroundings.

It is a meditation techniques I did for 2 hours every day for 4 months, and after only 2 months, I just didn't give a fuck about what strangers could think of me anymore, and I was in total acceptance of what people are (even if they were jerks).

 

EDIT: READ "THE POWER OF NOW" from Eckhart Tolle (it has been translated into 20+ language ).

EDIT 2: I realized that in my country, there is only 3 Dojo (Buddhism Zen), and one of it is only 30km from where I live !

 

Edited December 13, 2016 by Shin