healing from a break up

[SelfLove]

I am currently dealing with a breakup that happened a few weeks ago with my long-term partner. We had a very healthy and functional relationship. We never limited each other and always supported each other to be the best we could be. We had a very deep connection, partly through growing up together and really having a deep admiration for one another. 

The reason for the breakup was a fear of commitment throughout the rest of our formative years. We definitely could see a further future as we loved each other deeply and shared the same values and ideals for life and family but felt like we needed to experience being single, other people, and having the freedom to do absolutely whatever we felt like without subconsciously considering each other as we were each other's first. The fear of regret was too much and so we ended it.

Being together for such a long-time, regardless of how much you think you have grown or not. It feels like a huge chunk of you is missing. I know that it's not healthy to feel like that and I guess I am in shock that I do feel like that mostly. I feel weird knowing that the work I did on myself hadn't helped me as much as I thought it would. I am losing faith in myself and knowing what real progress is. I also hate that I feel a compulsive need to have my own feelings validated or understood by others on this forum. 

I guess what I am regretfully asking is, what do I do now?

[LastThursday]

There is nothing to do except grieve for the loss. It will take some time so be patient and gentle with yourself. After that, at some point, you will realise that you don't need validation from anyone to be great. Validation is just love by another name, and fundamentally love only comes from one place: you.

[RendHeaven]

Click below

[SelfLove]

Thank you so much. Everyone tells me to keep busy - watching movies, listening to podcasts cause otherwise your mind may distort and overthink things so much but I don't know if keeping busy is just postponing the tremendous pain. I also don't want to over think things as well as my mind can go to dark places

[SelfLove]

@RendHeaven wow only 2 pages into your journal and I feel like I am going through the exact same process as you from age to type of feelings, thoughts, even to the type of ex. 

I would love to talk to you a little further if possibe.

[RickyFitts]

1 hour ago, SelfLove said:

Being together for such a long-time, regardless of how much you think you have grown or not. It feels like a huge chunk of you is missing. I know that it's not healthy to feel like that and I guess I am in shock that I do feel like that mostly. 

It's completely understandable to me that you feel that way, you got used to having this person you love in your life and it's going to be a big adjustment for you - that's just very human, there's nothing wrong with that at all so don't give yourself a hard time about it 

1 hour ago, SelfLove said:

I also hate that I feel a compulsive need to have my own feelings validated or understood by others on this forum. 

Again, I completely get where you're coming from, I feel that way too sometimes - that might well stem from not getting your needs met when you were a child, so do try to have compassion for yourself rather than judging yourself for feeling a certain way. It's okay to be human 

[RendHeaven]

1 hour ago, SelfLove said:

wow only 2 pages into your journal and I feel like I am going through the exact same process as you from age to type of feelings, thoughts, even to the type of ex. 

Hah just wait for page 3 where I recall how I felt "replaced" when she immediately found a new boyfriend

1 hour ago, SelfLove said:

I would love to talk to you a little further if possibe.

It's common practice for me to have chill 1-on-1 zoom/discord chats with forum members.

I'm super down for that if you're feeling comfortable, either way DM me from my forum profile 

Edited July 8, 2021 by RendHeaven