An odd Do Nothing meditation experience

[fopylo]

Since no one was home I decided to do it in the dinning table, all alone, with my phone with a timer of 30 minutes. Everything went well but after like 15 minutes my brother came, and had to get up and open the door, then continue the meditation and doing "as if I'm being on the phone" (but actually looking at the timer). Right afterwards my dad came and here and there I said a few words just not to make it look awkward and sometimes I got feedback like why am I looking at him, it just felt very weird. A few minutes later my mom came and now all the family is in the house wandering all over, moving from place to place and I'm just sitting in the dining table with one hand on my knee and the other on the phone with the timer trying as much not to move and acting as if I'm scrolling on some social media (it was so fucking weird lol). At the meantime my brother also had his supper in front of me, my dad was watching tv in the lounge and my mom was heating something in the oven. So many things were happening and it was just so off, anti-meditation environment lol. But I was making an effort to stay as conscious as I can within all this action. I made sure not to judge it as annoying or disgusting or anti-spiritual environment, but let it be part of what's real now. I wouldn't say it was easy to let my mind and attention loose (hell, this whole thing made it super difficult) but I tried to let myself be as if I wasn't planning on being in "meditation mode". I was still making an effort to become conscious of my emotions and my senses.

I feel that I've hit a new level of consciousness. I've gone through quite a few changes of understanding the meaning of being conscious.
If I want to explain a mathematical equation I am using logic, rationality and sense making, sending it by language into thinking.
The problem with consciousness is that trying to explain it by language into thought already defeats itself since (I don't know exactly how but it's just that the act of thinking and trying to interpret reality through internal sense making, thinking and internal language doesn't really work).
From my experience the "language" that consciousness goes through is the language of feelings. Let's imagine that there's no such thing as language (spoken and written and any mind communication tactics). What I've found is that language is basically an emotional expression of any kind which is translated into sound and paper. On a deep level, it is just a transaction of emotions. Think about it in the most innocent sense, like a baby really. It's all just emotions. When everything becomes without language but pure emotion (and I should also mention senses but my experience is mostly with feelings and emotions), then everything becomes light and you can more easily let it be.

I've also had an insight in the shower afterwards that in order to let something be I need to be aware of it. It just made so much sense when I had that insight. The only reason you can let something be is because it is, and just is, and this is how you interpret it - as itself, why - because you're aware of it, it is in your perception. This whole awareness stuff seems way more innocent and "dumb" (in a good way lol) the more I meditate and understand

[kag101]

4 hours ago, fopylo said:

So many things were happening and it was just so off, anti-meditation environment lol.

haha, i agree. i prefer to meditate in a private and calm setting.

some say it's good to be around chaos as to not judge it -- but i think this is for more advanced practitioners.