Real Love Vs Loving My Projection

[bazera]

I've never had a romantic relationship but when I do, how can I differentiate those two? How can I know that I love the person and not my projection of her?

[khalifa]

love is always a projection created by human psyche's it can be conditional or unconditional depending on the persons self deception

[Schulzy]

Hmmm what is the differance? 

[bazera]

35 minutes ago, Schulzy said:

Hmmm what is the differance? 

I don't really know.

That's what I'm asking.

Projections may change every time. Isn't there something unchangeable in true love?

[Schulzy]

Aguess when you end up in a relationship ask yourself, why do i love this person? What are the ways she is contributing to the relationship?

I dont know maybe this. 

[Bob84]

Everything is a projection, sure you can create a concept and immerse yourself in it.

[Birdcage]

Everything is a projection, that's true. Don't worry about what is real love or fake love or whatever. Go on and live it. When it's over you can look back and see it was full of projections, assumptions, misguidance. Learn and move on.  Human beings are wired by their hormones and brain chemicals to experience love and lust. That's why we are populated. Nature tells your brain to find a mate, mate, breed and then move on. I know it sounds very primitive and simplistic but that's how it goes. 

[Magic]

By Pyrronian school of philosophers:

Quote

Our perceptions can only show us things as they appear, and not as they are, and therefore a suspension of judgement is the only correct attitude to anything.

(Source: Marcus Aurelius; Meditations; Book Five;)

I agree with this thought, ask yourself if you do.  

 

As for love, imho:
Human beings are unable to love unconditionally, yet striving for this gives meaning to our lives.
This is so because our innate need for love is unconditional.

Edited November 20, 2016 by Magic
Typos

[vizual]

If you really want to get real and not buy into the Hollywood version of love then you first have to accept that you can never love a "person". Love between separate entities does not exist. True love is always a love for the self, the self meaning consciousness or awareness, not the ego. The reason separate ego's can experience love is because a romance can relieve their feelings of being a separate self. But it's not the other person that is responsible for this relieve, it is always consciousness itself that is relieving itself from the illusion of separation. 

If you believe that you can only feel this love when you are in a relationship with a partner, you will always feel anxious about losing that love. You will always project that love in that person, you have put a condition on love. If you want "real love", you have to recognize first that the love is in you. Love is not between people. When you recognize true love within you, then you will attract the right person to compliment your life. The relationship will be an expression of true love, yet not dependent on the two people who are involved in it(if that makes sense). 

[Magic]

@vizual, you write:

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The reason separate ego's can experience love is because a romance can relieve their feelings of being a separate self. But it's not the other person that is responsible for this relieve, it is always consciousness itself that is relieving itself from the illusion of separation. 

Isn't the feeling of love in me being triggered by this external stimulus, in this case other person?
If so, the other person is indirectly responsible for what I feel, as consciousness was prompted to relieve itself by her.

 

Quote

When you recognize true love within you, then you will attract the right person to compliment your life.

That sounds perfect, but I am afraid it's wishful thinking...

 

Quote

The relationship will be an expression of true love, yet not dependent on the two people who are involved in it(if that makes sense). 

Do you mean that the true love is independent, but the expression of it is on the two people involved?
That's how I understand that.

Edited November 20, 2016 by Magic

[Emerald]

On 11/18/2016 at 6:18 AM, bazera said:

I've never had a romantic relationship but when I do, how can I differentiate those two? How can I know that I love the person and not my projection of her?

It will be easy to tell. You will notice it. When you love your projection, it's a very intense infatuation. It's that initial stage where the person can do no wrong and it's very ideal. But after the first three months, those crazy in love chemicals stop and a more subtle bonding chemicals come into play. These are much less exciting, but these are the times when true intimacy and friendship start to blossom. But they can be boring. This doesn't guarantee that you're no longer projecting on them though, as projection is a deep issue that takes a high degree of awareness to spot. Most human relationships are based on projection for this reason. But after the first three months, you won't have the projection of idealism any longer. Things will start to get real. And you may even start projecting negatively onto them. So, the main thing is to watch out for assumptions about the person that aren't really grounded in reality. For example, if you're a tidy person and your partner is messy and leaves their shoes in random places around the house, and you read that situation as "my partner doesn't respect me," then you should notice that this is a projection.