"I" is the tension and resistance

[KaRzual]

Today i grasped a phenomenon that i've been noticing for a long time.

During the warmup before kickboxing training i've expierenced not being. I literally didnt exist. There was no one to claim "i am". The warmup is guided by one of the pro fighters and the other follow and do what the guide is doing.

As soon as i started noticing that the "I" has came up. It felt like a resistance and rising tension. 

I let go of everything and let the things be it's way, gave up the control. I feel like i had a glimpse of what awaking might be, then the "I" came to play. 

Mind joining me in discussion guys and elaborating this topic?

[Inliytened1]

4 hours ago, KaRzual said:

Today i grasped a phenomenon that i've been noticing for a long time.

During the warmup before kickboxing training i've expierenced not being. I literally didnt exist. There was no one to claim "i am". elaborating this topic?

Yes it sounds like a glimpse..you weren't being the "I" you were just Being.  Keep going ?

[WaveInTheOcean]

6 hours ago, KaRzual said:

Today i grasped a phenomenon that i've been noticing for a long time.

During the warmup before kickboxing training i've expierenced not being. I literally didnt exist. There was no one to claim "i am". The warmup is guided by one of the pro fighters and the other follow and do what the guide is doing.

As soon as i started noticing that the "I" has came up. It felt like a resistance and rising tension. 

I let go of everything and let the things be it's way, gave up the control. I feel like i had a glimpse of what awaking might be, then the "I" came to play. 

Mind joining me in discussion guys and elaborating this topic?

It is a mystery, because the 'I' that thinks it's giving up control is in and by itself not doing anything cos it does not exist. As such, real surrender is when you realize you can't do anything at all.

Trying to let go is in and by itself and act of trying to control things.

Hehe. 

Where does the desire to control everything come from? Fear. (Of death).

So, how do you teach your body & heart to not be afraid all the time? 

By exposing it to fearful things all the time.

So if you're real serious about spiritual work you gotta start daily doing things that pushes your comfort zone.

The most brutal way is to die without physically dying (and thus realize even physical death is nothing to be afraid of at all, quite the contrary).

This can be achieved through meditation, insane stress, psychedelics, art, sex, etc - and as you yourself described, through sport/exercise, although this was a small ego death, not an earth shattering one.

But still good.

Good luck

Also watch 'The OA' on Netflix.

Edited July 6, 2021 by WaveInTheOcean

[KaRzual]

3 hours ago, Inliytened1 said:

Yes it sounds like a glimpse..you weren't being the "I" you were just Being.  Keep going ?

Thanks

 

1 hour ago, WaveInTheOcean said:

It is a mystery, because the 'I' that thinks it's giving up control is in and by itself not doing anything cos it does not exist. As such, real surrender is when you realize you can't do anything at all.

Trying to let go is in and by itself and act of trying to control things.

Hehe. 

Where does the desire to control everything come from? Fear. (Of death).

So, how do you teach your body & heart to not be afraid all the time? 

By exposing it to fearful things all the time.

So if you're real serious about spiritual work you gotta start daily doing things that pushes your comfort zone.

The most brutal way is to die without physically dying (and thus realize even physical death is nothing to be afraid of at all, quite the contrary).

This can be achieved through meditation, insane stress, psychedelics, art, sex, etc - and as you yourself described, through sport/exercise, although this was a small ego death, not an earth shattering one.

But still good.

Good luck

Also watch 'The OA' on Netflix.

Yeah i get it. I wondered lately if i'm just programmed somehow do do exactly those things which i currently do. Is it determinism? How do i really surrender? How do i give up control without having control to do so? 

[WaveInTheOcean]

1 hour ago, KaRzual said:

Thanks

 

Yeah i get it. I wondered lately if i'm just programmed somehow do do exactly those things which i currently do. Is it determinism? How do i really surrender? How do i give up control without having control to do so? 

You can't.

Don't worry, it does not even matter in the end.

But listen to Alan Watts!