What enlightenment experience do I need? I’m tripping soon

[Richard Purdy]

I’m going to be tripping on LSD soon, what’s the best experience to get past and learn from these problems I have? I want an experience where I regain the trust in myself and feel comfortable in my own skin. 

Here are some of the problems I face every day:

 

I got surgery on my testicles 2 years ago. I’m healed, but ever since then I have a obsessive compulsion over everything I do physically. I feel like I can’t do normal things when I can, and am overly careful every moment where my balls are. If there’s a slightest pain I freak out and have to sit down, afraid I’ll ruin the ability to have kids. I’m very obsessed over everything about my balls. I feel like I always have to be careful and play it safe. It’s affecting my life

 

I feel anxious 24/7. My solar plexus is overactive. 

 

I can’t relax. My energy is always overactive and feel like I want to just jump out of my skin

 

I don’t trust/believe in myself

 

When I feel intense emotions I feel my bottom chakras shaking. I resist it’s so intense. I’m an empath

 

When I put my hand over my bottom chakras, they are overactive. They beat like a heart 24/7. Even while typing this

 

I replay how my last relationship ended over and over and can’t help but to think what I could’ve done to prevent what happened (happened 2 years ago)

 

Every time I post on social media I feel overly anxious, I feel like I’m exposed to the world and feel uncomfortable being seen (lack of trusting myself)

 

Basically I obsessively worry about everything, my balls, any pain I have ( I ask is this going to last forever?? ) I replay the past every day. I lack trust in myself, I have no self belief. 

 

Ever since the balls thing happen I always worry about every little injury I have. Is this going to last forever??

 

I am very anxiously attached in relationships, worrying about EVERYTHING

 

Fear of people getting angry at me

 

Feel like I’m always being judged

 

Always ANXIOUS, never at ease

 

I really just need a flush and emotional body cleanse 

 

Major father wounds

 

 

Here are some more keywords of what I am experiencing:

 

That ANXIOUS feeling: Knots and butterflies in stomach all the time

Excessively anxiously attached to outcomes

Lack of trusting myself

Lack of self belief

Lack of self worth

Lack of surrender

Lack of forgiveness

Replaying what went wrong in a past relationship

Overthinking

Unhealed inner child

OCD

Germaphobia

Worrying: WORRY WORRY about everything

Lack of Self Love

People Pleasing

Anxiously Attached

Replaying the past Having Guilt, Fear, Regret, Anxiety

Major Father Wound/Abandonment/Fear of rejection

I’m more feminine than masculine

Feels like I have PTSD everyday

Root/Sacral/Solar OVERACTIVE

Fear of change

Lack of relaxation

 

 

 

 

What enlightenment experience is best for me to trip with? What’s the way to conquer this? You know that feeling. Emotional freedom and the feeling like a weights been lifted. I need a hardcore experience that will change my life with these problems I mentioned above. I just need to be at ease

 

 

[Leo Gura]

Just enjoy the trip. Don't bring all these expectations into. This is all petty human bullshit which the trip will bust you out of.

You cannot manipulate these trips. They are too powerful for that to work. You need a much more fluid, relaxed, and improvisational approach.

[Richard Purdy]

@Leo Gura

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Just enjoy the trip. Don't bring all these expectations into. This is all petty human bullshit which the trip will bust you out of.

You cannot manipulate these trips. They are too powerful for that to work. You need a much more fluid, relaxed, and improvisational approach.

Okay.... now say I wasn’t tripping. How did you put those knots, butterflies, and intense sensations in your body at ease? Trust yourself and increase self belief?  In your videos you’ve changed. There’s more of a comfort in yourself, more trust. You stand you’re ground and you can be totally serious about something. It doesn’t look like your suffering from energy overload. You’re more comfortable in your own skin. You aren’t worried about who says what and a nasty comment doesn’t shake you to your core. Do you get butterflies in your stomach? How did you do it? What experience did you have that made you more authentic?

[Ry4n]

4 hours ago, Richard Purdy said:

I feel anxious 24/7. My solar plexus is overactive. 

meditation and yoga first my dude, most egos need to be relaxed and open before they temporarily die (with love, no need to hate the ego). Don't think that there's some big insight at the end with psychs that'll fix all your problems and be your salvation, this truly is something that comes from inside of you, not from the drug itself (although this can be hard to see at first) I've had some serious connection with God from yoga/meditation alone and I'm not special at all. You cannot spiritually bypass your problems with psychedelics or any spiritual technique for that matter. I would work on this stuff first before even thinking about psychedelics.

Something like LSD is quite energising so I would urge holding off for a bit until you've tamed your mind, body and energetic system.

Anxiety is something that ultimately the ego is holding onto, even if it feels like one is trying to push it away, that's only exacerbating it. Allowing and accepting it so radically that even the resistance of it is allowed (whilst maintaining mindfulness) will help said energy to flow through you better, rather than fighting with it that causes it to be "stuck" in a way if that makes sense. Not only will it leave you quicker, but the experience of it won't seem nearly as bad. Adyashanti has some amazing meditations that can really relax a lot of the ego's fears and defences. 

So yea sorry to be your mom lol  but I used to be a very anxious person myself and the trips I had then were not good nor even beneficial (thank god I took a break at the time) but as soon as I was in a better place the subsequent trips were amazing and I'm still integrating those lessons because of how powerful they were. There's seriously no rush with this stuff, and if you're going into the experience with all these expectations of it transforming you completely in one hit, you're gonna walk away disappointed assuming the experience hasn't completely overwhelmed you.

Honestly if you're going to do anything judging by your post I would actually look into MDMA right now rather than psychedelics, such a drug can show you how to relax and open up and I think this is your best starting point before diving into a deeply profound trip. Good luck @Richard Purdy

[Guest EmptyVase]

Getting acquainted with your emotions first, and learning to deal with them beforehand, will make your trips much more worthwhile. There seems to be a lot of baggage which you're aware of, but don't know how to deal with. Psychedelics helped me with my emotions only in the sense of making me aware of them and helping me relax a little bit. The work still had to be done. This website helped me tremendously, maybe it will be of help for you too:

https://www.actualityofbeing.com/tools-1