Crazy from psychedelic's?

[infinitenrgy]

I had an experience recently with an interesting human I would like to get some of your opinions about. The human is my girlfriend's brother, Mark. I'm going to try and keep this explanation story short and sweet but there is a lot to explain.

 

Mark was very into psychedelic's from an early age, doing lsd for the first time probably around age 13. I have known him since middle school and he wasn't always the way I am about to explain he is now. Me and him are both age 20 now. About a year ago he bought a large amount of nn dmt because he really wanted to try it. He lived with his brother at the time and had been for awhile and me and daisy (my girlfriend) would go over there and visit them every once in a while. They both did the dmt and would talk alot about there crazy experiences and try to get us to try it as well. We both never did because we didn't feel ready or like it was the right time in our lives for that kind of mind blowing experience.

 

Anyways, back to Mark. Dmt was not the only thing he would try during this time period. Eventually I found out he had also tried ketamine and molly and had long periods of time where he would do them everyday. Neither one of the two brothers had jobs because of covid and they were staying in the apartment for free. They also talked about how often they did the dmt that I realized he must have a shit ton of it because they never talked about running out, later on I found out he still had like 4 grams of it.

 

Eventually Marks brother called the cops on him and kicked him out of their apartment together, this came as a shock to us because we thought they were good together. Later we found out from his brother that mark had been emotionally abusing and sometimes even physically abusing him for the past couple months and he was just trying to ride it out, but eventually had enough.

 

Long story short Mark had went to stay with his friend and got his own room at their house for 40$ a week, but still didn't want to get a job so he got kicked out of there too after a screaming match they had. So then we found out he was sleeping outside and we told him he could stay with us to get himself together.

 

I am going to try and explain how he has changed and his outlooks on the world now and I'm am curious what you all will think has happened to him and his mind. I am personally very into leo and the stuff he talks about, I love the ideas of spirituality and have experimented with lsd and mushrooms plenty of times before so even though I have yet to have an awakening, through leo and using psychedelic's I have pretty good grasp on what its all about. Mark on the other hand, uses these drugs with no good foundation on what its all about. He doesn't have a leo or someone he uses for guidance and explanation, he just explains it all to himself.

 

Talking to him about spirituality was incredibly twisted because he never leaned towards the love parts of god. He would talk about how he had an awakening a couple months ago and how that’s how he knew he was a special and different person because nobody else was having the realizations that he was. He would talk about how he has god inside of him and how he has no ego, but then in the same conversation talk about how people stare at him constantly because of this glow and light that he has and that he knows everyone can see. When I would question this glow/light and say that I'm not sure what he is talking about or say that I don't see it, he would ignore me and keep talking or he would look at me as if I am lying and say come on bro I know you see it.

 

He would talk so much about other people and how they use demons against him and how hateful people and the world are. He would say that there are demons everywhere here. He would talk about how he didn’t even really want to be alive because he has seen the after life and he knows it is so much better then here.

 

He didn't want to get a job because he wants to be free. I tried explaining to him that the reason I have a job is because I am purposefully sacrificing my freedom to have the ultimate freedom later on, that I am trying to build up this snowball effect in my life where eventually I no longer have to work the job I don’t like and I can transition into something I love and that’s how I will get my freedom. But he would reply with why don’t I just be free right now like him, saying stuff like you don’t need this house you really don't need anything except to just be and exist. He would talk about how he just wants to be free like a bird and I would try to explain that even the bird has to go and hunt for food to eat but he would just ignore that or find an excuse for it.

 

Each conversation was more about him being right at the end rather then finding an actually logical solution for how he was going to figure out his situation. This dude was living in my own bedroom with me, his sister (my girlfriend) and my German shepherd dog in my moms house and he didn’t understand and even got pissed off when we told him he couldn’t bring Percocet into the house. He doesn't care that percs are highly addictive and ruin peoples lives he thinks that he is above addiction and he has 0 problems with it and he just wanted to have fun bc he had been too sober since he has been living with us.

 

He would talk so much about how he loves himself and that’s why people are jealous of him and hate him because he is so to himself and they want to be this chosen one that he is but they aren't. The way he would talk about his self love, was actually him talking about how selfish he is. I tried to explain to him that the way I think about self love is that I also need to love everyone else too because they are literally me like we are all the same thing. We had talked about oneness before but he didn’t seem to actually grasp that he is not the only one with god in him and that we are all god, so he didn’t understand my view on self love and he just shrugged it off saying stuff like but yourself should always come first over anybody else.

 

He literally asked me at one point why he couldn’t just "be" or just exist on my couch and stay here doing nothing but that. I tried to explain that we all want to be free too so its not fair to us that we have to work for this house and you can just stay for nothing and that actually what I am doing by asking him to get a job is me loving myself by having that boundary because him staying could only be temporary as he needs to eventually move on to getting his own place. His response was questioning why any of us needed to work and that we could all be free like him if we wanted too. He even said that it wasn't loving myself but hating him for me to kick him out if he didn't want to get a job.

 

In the end of him staying with us he chose to leave. He would rather live outside then give up his "freedom" or any of himself just to please us and do what we wanted him to do. He literally didn't want to be told what to do at all.

 

An overview of how he was and the way he talked about things would be very narcissistic. He would be talking about how shitty other people are and how he doesn't think he is better then anyone else but then continue to talk about how he indeed was better then everyone else. Every conversation would go in circles with contradictions left and right never coming close to a real conclusion.

 

From a spiritual perspective I believe that without proper theory or foundation he has been using these psychedelic drugs so much that he now has a twisted view of the world and what spirituality is about. He is very close to what leo describes as the devil. He believes that he has some kind of godly spirit that is rare and nobody else has rather then the realization that we are all god and the same exact thing. I'm curious what you all think about this. I believe that psychedelic's show everyone the same things and then we use our own minds and egos to interpret it and that reality can get really twisted up through this because you just end up explaining it however you can. To me it seems like this guy is losing his mind and its really sad to see. I think it's important to lose your mind but only carefully and responsibly. Have any of you experienced someone like this?

[The0Self]

Sounds like a really stark and extreme example of what more or less most people experience on the path at least to some small degree. He’s been going headfirst into devilry and self deception and putting up barriers to prevent that process from alleviating. Maybe it’ll get bad enough to cause an awakening, or maybe a psychotic break. It’s too dangerous and precarious for you to worry about or try to change him.

Edited July 4, 2021 by The0Self