Thoughts on « why men cheat » video

[Clems]

Hey! I just watched leo’s video ( why men cheat ) but i can’t understand why everything is about sex.. can’t i just live my life in peace why should i care how i’ll look in men’s eyes why should i care of anything, i just wanna be happy, sex is good and important in relationships,  but is really another beautiful girl with a really nice body gonna make a man fall in love with her even tho his girlfriend is sweet and funny and all the good stuff? Is men really that dumb ? How much it’ll take them to find that perfect girlfriend that she won’t push them look for other women or to have sex with others .. all of this is just non sense, sure dumb men will do that. And to me i don’t really trust men, men can do anything.. but what makes me question if is this real is that a straight male friend that i have once told me that he doesn’t care about sex, masturbation, girls.. he told me if a really beautiful girl that is literally so gorgeous and with a really nice body stood up naked in front of him he won’t be interested in her, i mean yeah same for me that’s the thoughts i have too, but he’s a man so that explains that there’s men who won’t fall easy for a girl if they'll chose not to. There’s for sure a lot of guys who are like him but not everyone’s is like that. But i believe men will get tired for looking for women with high values, when they’ll start being mature.

It's nice to find a girlfriend in your type but there's things more interesting than chasing girls and looking for the best.

[Peter Miklis]

45 minutes ago, Clems said:

what makes me question if is this real is that a straight male friend that i have once told me that he doesn’t care about sex, masturbation, girls.. he told me if a really beautiful girl that is literally so gorgeous and with a really nice body stood up naked in front of him he won’t be interested in her,

Yeah... right. And you believe him lol.

You clearly can't emphatize with men at all. This is not a matter of inteligence, of men "being stupid", it's just that our sexual drive is so fucking strong due to testosterone, that it's hard to resist. I can confidently say I have more control over this impulse than majority of men, but if you put naked attractive woman in front of me, I'm fucking her. It just is what it is. This doesn't mean your boyfriend or whatever doesn't love you, our libido is just too strong. Learn to accept male nature. 

[Tangerinedream]

Oh yeah I saw that one, it puts all the blame on the female for not being hot enough and is objectifying.  It also makes out that all men are animals that will cheat inevitably. I wouldn’t take it as the ultimate truth, though the guys on this forum will make out it is.  
people do fall in love and care enough about eachother not to cheat at any chance they get. 

Edited June 30, 2021 by Tangerinedream

[Peter Miklis]

@Tangerinedream The title of the video is "Why men cheat", not "What types of men don't cheat". Leo answered that question perfectly, it's because most men want variety of hot women. It's the basic biological programming of men. Now, that doesn't mean men have to act upon it, we can choose to stay in a monogamous relationship, but that's not our default state. If given the choice, most men would prefer harem of hot women over just one girl. That's facts. Just think about it, majority of porn consumers are men, doesn't that tell you something?

[Arcangelo]

4 hours ago, Clems said:

but is really another beautiful girl with a really nice body gonna make a man fall in love with her even tho his girlfriend is sweet and funny and all the good stuff?

Yes

4 hours ago, Clems said:

Is men really that dumb ?

Yes we are Yes.

 

4 hours ago, Clems said:

How much it’ll take them to find that perfect girlfriend that she won’t push them look for other women or to have sex with others

Forever?

4 hours ago, Clems said:

all of this is just non sense,

Yes.

[flowboy]

14 hours ago, Peter Miklis said:

Yeah... right. And you believe him lol.

You clearly can't emphatize with men at all. This is not a matter of inteligence, of men "being stupid", it's just that our sexual drive is so fucking strong due to testosterone, that it's hard to resist. I can confidently say I have more control over this impulse than majority of men, but if you put naked attractive woman in front of me, I'm fucking her. It just is what it is. This doesn't mean your boyfriend or whatever doesn't love you, our libido is just too strong. Learn to accept male nature. 

You just patted yourself on the back for being untrustworthy, and you rationalize that at least the majority of men are even less trustworthy, so a woman should still be lucky to have you instead?

How could a woman feel safe with you in a relationship if that is your attitude?

A fully grown, evolved man can control his impulses when needed. Otherwise he is independable, a slave to his nature and ultimately no different from an ape.
 

@Clems If you have a great quality relationship with a developed man who is truly committed to you, he will have no interest in ruining that for some 10 minutes of pleasure.

Don't let videos and posts like this mislead you and ruin your faith in the right guy for you.

Stay far away from people with this attitude of excuse making, it's just a victim mindset to cover up neediness and lack of development.

But make no mistake: finding this guy is only possible if you do the hard self-development work to become a great woman. And I'm not talking about looks. We guys can always find another girl with good looks. Great personality is not so easy to replace. To even be compatible with a guy with integrity, you have to have integrity.

Edited July 1, 2021 by flowboy

[flowboy]

And I can say this with confidence because I recently was in the situation of being next to an already half naked woman, ready to have a threesome with me, both super horny under the influence of mescaline, and I didn't do it because STILL in those circumstances I was able to reason that I love my girlfriend and it would probably mess things up/complicate things at least, and that's not what I wanted.

So there is really no valid excuse of "I'm a man, I can't help it".

You're a man so you can't help wanting it. That much is true. But you sure can help doing it.

Of course I expect the same level of integrity from my partner.

[Peter Miklis]

@flowboy I never was in that kind of situation, that's why I don't know with 100% certainty. I had women lusting over me, but not while being naked. Ofc, if I was in a relationship, I would do my best to resist, but right now I'm single, so I'm comming from that mindset. I'm realistic, that's all.

Btw, I like how you're saying I patted myself on the back, and then you proceed to pat yourself over being righteous, loyal guy, hypocrisy much??

[flowboy]

3 minutes ago, Peter Miklis said:

do my best to

This is the issue

It's perfectly alright for you to be this way - just be aware that you need to evolve out of this in order to attract and have a good relationship where you can trust each other.

It's misleading to state that all men are this way, and "I'll try not to cheat on you" is the best she can hope for.

I don't want OP to think that and become jaded.

Hence the counterexample.

[Peter Miklis]

@flowboy Right, whatever. I don't care about relationships anyway, so maybe I'm not the best guy to take advice from on this topic.

[Harlen Kelly]

On 6/30/2021 at 0:04 PM, Clems said:

 Is men really that dumb

That would be like saying: ''women like wearing make up all the time and worry way too much about their appearance, are women really that dumb?''

Whether you like it or not, what the vast majority of hetero men value most on a woman is her looks, and most men find the idea of sexual variety very appealing. Childish denial will not change that biological fact of men.

On 6/30/2021 at 2:15 PM, Tangerinedream said:

Oh yeah I saw that one, it puts all the blame on the female for not being hot enough and is objectifying.  It also makes out that all men are animals that will cheat inevitably. I wouldn’t take it as the ultimate truth, though the guys on this forum will make out it is.  
people do fall in love and care enough about eachother not to cheat at any chance they get. 

Your attitude will not change the fundamental inherent characteristics of men. Being in denial is not sign of wisdom, only the opposite. 

Up to 60% of all spouses will take part in some form of infidelity at least once during their marriage. That includes both men and women.

On 7/1/2021 at 3:44 AM, flowboy said:

his nature and ultimately no different from an ape.

The DNA of a human being is 98% identical to that of an ape. 

Edited July 3, 2021 by Harlen Kelly

[Emerald]

@Peter Miklis @Harlen Kelly @Arcangelo

A picture of every woman on the forum in the aftermath of reading your posts...

[VioletFlame]

@Emerald haha seriously..thank you for that because it's so true! 

I struggle accepting this as well. How do you feel about this? Like honestly, I would really prefer a man with high integrity and empathy functioning but apparently that is a far-fetched fantasy to own. If the man wants "variety" then fine, he can go get it. But to "cheat" because he "craves variety" is just a lame rationalization which can only stem from blatant greed. That's like condoning a child to consume all the candy in a candy store, saying "it's ok because that's just what all kids want", even though you know it's not healthy for them and that it is gluttonous and has numerous consequences. 

If a man's unsatisfied and desires something new, then he should grow the balls to tell her and leave. It is cowardly to cheat. It is corrupt, way over-rated, and even glorified at times. Loyalty and "object constancy", on the other hand, is something special in today's society. So rare that it is now being portrayed as some unattainable or fantastical dream.

It makes me wonder if there is even any point in working together towards a committed relationship if this is the way most monkey minds think?

Edited July 3, 2021 by VioletFlame

[VioletFlame]

@flowboy Thank you for everything you said. After reading your words, this restores my faith a little bit.

You know, one of the reasons why I date guys 10-15 years older than me is because well for one, ever since I was a child I felt (almost uncomfortably) older than the rest of my age group and that sensation has stuck with me my whole life. But also because well, I am a sucker for mature, fully evolved men who are honest and sincere and whom I can genuinely trust and discuss things with that actually matter. I also assumed that older men will embody their values, practice what they preach, and honor their integrity. But I've learned that that's not always the case either. It seems obvious but it's really a matter of how conscious and developed they are as an individual. 

[Harlen Kelly]

1 hour ago, VioletFlame said:

I would really prefer a man with high integrity and empathy functioning but apparently that is a far-fetched fantasy to own. If the man wants "variety" then fine, he can go get it. But to "cheat" because he "craves variety" is just a lame rationalization which can only stem from blatant greed.

Most hetero men crave sexual variety, that is an observable, factual statement. Whatever moralization or extrapolation you make out that biological fact, it's your prerogative and it's not factual nor objective. 

Something else, men don't crave variety because of ''rationalization'', it's a biological inclination. I would advise to actually study how the male mind works from reputable scientific sources in regards to attraction, this is pretty well documented. 

1 hour ago, VioletFlame said:

It makes me wonder if there is even any point in working together towards a committed relationship if this is the way most monkey minds think?

Your DNA composition is 98% similar to that of a monkey.   

You can work towards a committed relationship but the odds are against you. The average marriage lasts 8 years in the US.

Since you like older guys so much, men are more prone to cheat as the become older, surprise, surprise.

Edited July 3, 2021 by Harlen Kelly

[Etherial Cat]

1 hour ago, Harlen Kelly said:

Most hetero men crave sexual variety, that is a scientifically observable, factual statement. Whatever moralization or extrapolation you make out that biological fact, it's your prerogative and it's not scientific nor objective. 

Something else, men don't crave variety because of ''rationalization'', it's a biological inclination. I would advise to actually study how the male mind works from reputable scientific sources in regards to attraction, this is pretty well documented. There is no need to ''guess'' or ''believe'' when reputable scientists have done extensive research about both men and women.

For someone who enjoys teaching other people about science and logic, you're kind of off with your reply.

Violet is not in need for a scientific explanation on masculine desire and/or sexual variety.  If anything, you are explaining her a premise she has already based her reasoning on...

Her point here is that some men are using biology as a justification for their lack of self-discipline.

1 hour ago, Harlen Kelly said:

Your DNA composition is 98% similar to that of a monkey.   

You can work towards a committed relationship but the odds are against you. The average marriage lasts 8 years in the US.

So what is your point here? That because 98% of your DNA is similar to that of a monkey you dont get to master your impulses and transcend the desire to fuck all you get an opportunity to ?

Are you not on the actualized.org, a personal development forum which is all about evolving towards more consciousness and dropping all the bad chimp instinct?

Beside... 

Observing a situation through a scientific process doesn't exclude the fact that there might be some extra causalities influencing the current result.

An illustration of this is that weddings might be lasting now 8 years, but their duration is expanding if you analyze them through different social context through time and/or space.

So biology here is not the sole factor. Weddings are also heavily dependent on culture, sociology and economical conjuncture for instance. 

And I suspect heavily that the development level of the parties involved in it can drastically improve the odds too. 

Edited July 3, 2021 by Etherial Cat

[Peter Miklis]

@Emerald a picture I don't give a flying fuck about, because my life doesn't revolve around this forum, posting pseudo intelectual bullshit, thinking I'm smart.

Edited July 3, 2021 by Peter Miklis

[Emerald]

2 hours ago, Peter Miklis said:

@Emerald a picture I don't give a flying fuck about, because my life doesn't revolve around this forum, posting pseudo intelectual bullshit, thinking I'm smart.

I’m just saying. The things you say don’t  paint you out as a desirable man from the female perspective... forum or no forum.

High quality men who are firmly rooted in their masculinity are men who have enough self-discipline to control himself and not let his emotions and instincts rule him. 

So, a high quality, attractive man is one who might have an instinct for variety but values his relationship and his partner’s feelings enough to prioritize those things over his whims and urges. 

And that you and some of the others on here frame this type of guy as a fantasy, tells me less about men in general and much more about your value as a romantic partner. 

[Roy]

On 6/30/2021 at 9:56 AM, Peter Miklis said:

You clearly can't emphatize with men at all. This is not a matter of inteligence, of men "being stupid", it's just that our sexual drive is so fucking strong due to testosterone, that it's hard to resist. I can confidently say I have more control over this impulse than majority of men, but if you put naked attractive woman in front of me, I'm fucking her. It just is what it is. This doesn't mean your boyfriend or whatever doesn't love you, our libido is just too strong. Learn to accept male nature. 

You're wording this hypothetical as if suddenly there would be a naked woman in front of you, behind closed doors lol. Which of course isn't the case in real life. There are a bunch of steps leading up to that situation like approaching her, continuing the conversation with personal intent, flirting, logistically working out how to see each other again, and then getting into a private space together............

That's a LOT of opportunities for self-control over that natural impulse leading up to the opportunity for sex, and just a string of violation after violation.

I just don't get how you want to use this as an example of "male-nature" we need to accept, when it just doesn't happen. Really attractive women know their value and don't offer themselves up like that.

[Emerald]

4 hours ago, VioletFlame said:

@Emerald haha seriously..thank you for that because it's so true! 

I struggle accepting this as well. How do you feel about this? Like honestly, I would really prefer a man with high integrity and empathy functioning but apparently that is a far-fetched fantasy to own. If the man wants "variety" then fine, he can go get it. But to "cheat" because he "craves variety" is just a lame rationalization which can only stem from blatant greed. That's like condoning a child to consume all the candy in a candy store, saying "it's ok because that's just what all kids want", even though you know it's not healthy for them and that it is gluttonous and has numerous consequences. 

If a man's unsatisfied and desires something new, then he should grow the balls to tell her and leave. It is cowardly to cheat. It is corrupt, way over-rated, and even glorified at times. Loyalty and "object constancy", on the other hand, is something special in today's society. So rare that it is now being portrayed as some unattainable or fantastical dream.

It makes me wonder if there is even any point in working together towards a committed relationship if this is the way most monkey minds think?

I’ve never been cheated on. So, given my experiences, I’m inclined to believe there are many men out there who are not totally ruled by their instincts.

I do think everyone can make mistakes, male or female. And that’s something that I have understanding for.

But if someone’s framework from the get-go is, ‘All men want variety, so just accept that you’ll be cheated on.’

Then that’s just a red flag on those guys and you’ll know not to invest any attention in them. Many of the men on here are very inexperienced anyway and are not representative of the type of man that’s good to get involved with. 

You can and should expect fidelity. And if the man deviates from that, you’ll know his quality and can move on to a better man.

Edited July 4, 2021 by Emerald