Thoughts on « why men cheat » video

[Raptorsin7]

@Harlen Kelly Do you think you are capable of attracting the highest quality woman available?

In terms of looks, personality, wealth, consciousness etc... do you think with your paradigm/traits you have the ability to attract the most desirable woman available?

 

[Gesundheit2]

@flowboy You can't conclude something like that based on one rare edge case. You're obviously biased and just trying to comfort the women in here, which may be a good thing, but ultimately you're still lying to yourself and others.

Edited July 4, 2021 by Gesundheit2

[Peter Miklis]

6 hours ago, Emerald said:

I’m just saying. The things you say don’t  paint you out as a desirable man from the female perspective... forum or no forum.

Maybe in this little bubble called actualized.org forum, where women pretend to be sophisticated and mature. Not in real life, trust me.

@Roy You're right, ofc. That was a shitty example on my part, I'm just saying if men could cheat, they mostly would. That's what I meant by male nature.

Now, does that mean that there aren't some men who wouldn't cheat if they had the options to do so? Yes, of course there are, but they are rare. Relationship has to be strong and man has to be very much in control of his impulses for that to happen. 

Edited July 4, 2021 by Peter Miklis

[Peter Miklis]

5 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

A guy who's been a virgin until age 25 and goes from 0 to 15 until his 27 birthday for instance would still be a red flag. 

Who cares if it's a red flag for you? It clearly wasn't a red flag for those 15 other women. If guys had this kind of mindset, they would stay virgins till death.

[Peter Miklis]

@Kshantivadin I'm not saying cheating should be accepted. You're all just keep missinterpreting what I'm saying.?

[Gregory1]

One thing I am wondering about is, why do we even call it "cheating." What is wrong with having fun and celebrating your sexuality...?

I mean, I understand why women call it "cheating."Women are naturally mono so calling it "cheating" makes sense from their genetical perspective

Men on the other hand are naturally poly (there are of course exceptions).

But really one has to admit that there are no real reasons why "cheating" should even be called "cheating." I mean what the hell, it is just a celebration of life, of sexual energy, you don't own your partner... 

[Peter Miklis]

@Gregory1 Noone owns their partner, you're right about that, but people tend to naturally develop emotional bonds as they get more intimate. People should have their autonomy, but at the same time it sucks when someone you love has sex with someone else. Humans tend to be naturally possesive.

[Etherial Cat]

3 hours ago, Peter Miklis said:

Who cares if it's a red flag for you? It clearly wasn't a red flag for those 15 other women. If guys had this kind of mindset, they would stay virgins till death.

Your comment on my quote is an answer that doesn't take into consideration the context of the said quote. So I'll leave it there.

[Etherial Cat]

8 hours ago, Emerald said:

Absolutely. It’s clear that these men who subscribe to this distorted paradigm of human sexuality are really threatened by women sharing the truth of what we actually respond to in a man.

They get a lot of comfort and a false sense of invulnerability and power by subscribing to this alpha/beta narrative. 

So any threat to that paradigm feels like a threat to their power... which makes them fear feeling the insecurity and fear of female judgment they felt before they adopted this placebo perspective.

Little do they know that women would genuinely admire them much more if they just be themselves and develop themselves as human beings.

 

Yes.

I guess it provides them a model which give them a sense of security and control in relationships... Just like these men needs a sense of security and control over their anima.

And yes, the placebo perspective is definitely useful. The reason for that is that not everything is bad with pick-up. For instance, "Go talk to girls" is a great advice. But is this advice necessarily tied to pick up?  Modern "pick up" is an extra-layer on what works. And very often it is distorted with diverse underlying ideologies, manipulations and lack of care for a woman's welfare. 

There is a power trip energy to it. And as long as this power trip energy is there, when a man approach women from a needy/survival perspective... affection comes second if at all.

Energetically, the "pick up studs" or "alpha males" are coming from a place of selfishness, anger, desire for control and domination. And any woman who's known proper affection could tell that they do not love women just by the way they think, talk about us, narrate their stories and act.

It's incredibly confusing to see men showing contempt, hostility, and seemingly a low attachment/ care for female believe that they are attractive. But I guess this might be increased by the "women like assholes" narrative they like to tell themselves... And it's really a shame.

Edited July 4, 2021 by Etherial Cat

[Kshantivadin]

4 hours ago, Gregory1 said:

One thing I am wondering about is, why do we even call it "cheating." What is wrong with having fun and celebrating your sexuality...?

I mean, I understand why women call it "cheating."Women are naturally mono so calling it "cheating" makes sense from their genetical perspective

Men on the other hand are naturally poly (there are of course exceptions).

But really one has to admit that there are no real reasons why "cheating" should even be called "cheating." I mean what the hell, it is just a celebration of life, of sexual energy, you don't own your partner... 

Cheating means breaking the boundaries of your intimate partner. You cheat on the relationship if you agreed to a certain loyalty - in this case, sexual fidelity. Cheating usually implies hiding or lying about the fact that you're doing it.

[RickyFitts]

10 hours ago, Emerald said:

Young women and old women tend to want long term partners because one-night stands and flings are kind of empty and boring from the female perspective.

They seem kind of empty and boring (and sad, really) to me, too, and I'm a guy. I can understand the appeal if you're a younger guy, but if you're in your thirties or older and still seeking that sort of hollow, short-lived gratification, you're emotionally-stunted. 

[flowboy]

10 hours ago, StarStruck said:

When I talk about alpha male I mean top of the food chain. That is how alpha is used to describe animals too. So I wouldn't call alpha males scrubs.

An alpha male is a guy with options. He has characteristics that attracts female attention. 

If you have a bf who is alpha (and he is a scrub) good chances that other women  will try to fuck him just for the kicks of it, to get at you or what ever justifications women have.

It is easy for a guy without options not to cheat. It is difficult for a guy with options to cheat. It has nothing to do with being a provider.  An alpha male can be a provider too. The thing is that a lot of women downgrade from an alpha scrub to beta cuck/provider because they become of age and they need to settle down. 

 

10 hours ago, StarStruck said:

Try being a guy for one day and come back

1. I'm a man
2. I have a high lay count
3. I used to believe this
4. But it's wrong

This is just a one-sided heavily distorted view that comes from needy perception: Lack of sex leads to overvaluing sex, leads to viewing sexual abundance as the highest good. If you view sexual abundance as the highest virtue, then this way of thinking makes sense: after all, what are these older people doing with their life if they're not getting laid?

But that assumes that getting laid a lot will make you happy. And that's not true. But in the beginning it can seem like that, if you're still having to compensate for a sense of lack. When the sense of lack is out of the way, the need for purpose comes to the foreground. And whatever your life purpose is, most likely getting laid too much will be a distraction from that, and ultimately not worth it.

I mean, that's just how it happened for me. You don't have to worry about that now. Just go get laid a lot, and stop taking this redpill nonsense too seriously because it will stand in the way of connecting to women properly. It is perfectly fine to want and go get a phase of your life where you have a lot of sex with different people, without having to frame it as the Ultimate Success, or viewing people who don't prioritize sex as "beta males".

[Preety_India]

@flowboy thank you for your perspectives and your patience.

[StarStruck]

@flowboy thanks for the truth pill. To be honest, I really ask that question "what are these older people doing with their life if they're not getting laid?" and it makes me depressed to get old. I know the solution: life purpose. But getting girls seems so more juice than my life purpose, right now.

[flowboy]

6 hours ago, Gesundheit2 said:

@flowboy You can't conclude something like that based on one rare edge case. You're obviously biased and just trying to comfort the women in here, which may be a good thing, but ultimately you're still lying to yourself and others.

Oh, but I can!

Premise: "All men will cheat given the opportunity" (or whatever else rationalization for being weak)

Counterexample given.

Conclusion: premise is false.

So yes, using sound logic I can certainly conclude something like that.

This is not primary school, and this is not some boys versus girls game.

It's true that I'm trying to prevent women from getting jaded here and believing all men are like this.

However this is not an attack on you, if anything I'm hoping to inspire people to not settle for anything less than integrity, in themselves and in others (which is really the same thing). If you let go of the belief that men will cheat if given the opportunity, now you might be able to find a woman who won't cheat if given the opportunity. And wouldn't that be nice. Trust is a two way street.

Edited July 4, 2021 by flowboy

[flowboy]

19 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

@flowboy thanks for the truth pill. To be honest, I really ask that question "what are these older people doing with their life if they're not getting laid?" and it makes me depressed to get old. I know the solution: life purpose. But getting girls seems so more juice than my life purpose, right now.

Yeah, so as I said, go get laid until you naturally start to feel the desire for life purpose. If you don't cling to toxic ideologies, you'll get there naturally at the right time, so don't worry about it.

Getting laid a lot is awesome, but viewing it as the highest virtue becomes problematic. I'm still working through that myself.

Edited July 4, 2021 by flowboy

[Peter Miklis]

@flowboy Problem is, if you don't get started with your life purphose young, you may get stuck being a wage slave. This is what I'm struggling with nowadays tbh: how I am going to balance going out and working. Both are pretty important at 21.

[flowboy]

Just now, Peter Miklis said:

@flowboy Problem is, if you don't get started with your life purphose young, you may get stuck being a wage slave. This is what I'm struggling with nowadays tbh: how I am going to balance going out and working. Both are pretty important at 21.

Good point, this is a real problem. I did nothing for my LP until I was 27, just worked and had some sex. I tried to have a job AND start a business AND get laid a lot, that's definitely too much at least in my case. But you are only stuck until the day you decide to not be stuck anymore.

[Kshantivadin]

The entire premise of TRP gender dynamics is that females capitalise on their attraction in their youth and then settle down when older and their attraction capital is waning - which is what makes a lot of men feel cucked when they contemplate this.

[Gesundheit2]

@flowboy 

What sound logic are you talking about when you're even strawmanning yourself?!

You're arguing against a claim that no one has made except you in the last post. No one said that 100% of men will cheat given the opportunity. That's a strawman you made.

Strawman argument = logical fallacy = poor logic.

So, that's one.

As for two...

The real premise here is that most men (70%-90%) will choose polyamory inevitably given the opportunity (or they will "cheat"), and even a greater percentage will find it hard to resist.

Your counterexample is silly because you don't know how well you will hold yourself the next time an opportunity presents itself to you. You barely did it only once and now you're generalizing it as the truth that all men should follow or otherwise they're lazy or weak or whatever. But you can't even guarantee yourself probabilistically speaking.

In other words, you don't have enough exposure to make such conclusions. Your logic is as silly as saying that all women are bitches because your first girlfriend screwed you over.

Overgeneralization = logical fallacy = poor logic.

Please do not speak of sound logic again unless you know what you're saying. You're insulting philosophy and everyone who practices it with these posts.