ego behaviour

[Cathal]

when you're developing more self awareness and being mindful, do you ever notice when you're not being mindful your face and body are enacting the thoughts that are in your mind? i'm sure this has to a big degree my social isolation at this point because it doesn't happen irl god forbid people see me fucking randomly laughing and frowning outta nowhere

but it's really weird when you're just walking around completely unaware and suddenly you realize you're whispering to yourself, your body is moving, you're laughing and only a few seconds after you see yourself actually doing it and you're like what the fuck? is this just a consequence of not being disciplined? i feel like it has become far worse than it was before.

a part of me feels like this is a lack of social communication/many unmet needs with other people so my ego is just becoming more intrusive and more neurotic.

what do you think?

[WaveInTheOcean]

13 minutes ago, catcat69123 said:

when you're developing more self awareness and being mindful, do you ever notice when you're not being mindful your face and body are enacting the thoughts that are in your mind? i'm sure this has to a big degree my social isolation at this point because it doesn't happen irl god forbid people see me fucking randomly laughing and frowning outta nowhere

but it's really weird when you're just walking around completely unaware and suddenly you realize you're whispering to yourself, your body is moving, you're laughing and only a few seconds after you see yourself actually doing it and you're like what the fuck? is this just a consequence of not being disciplined? i feel like it has become far worse than it was before.

a part of me feels like this is a lack of social communication/many unmet needs with other people so my ego is just becoming more intrusive and more neurotic.

what do you think?

The one who 'wants to control' is ego.

Let go of that, will you?

[Nahm]

The ‘my ego’ thinking is twice removed, or, the adding of layers of abstraction which are not (imo) necessary or helpful. ‘Go back’, or, recenter, or, re-ground as awareness aware of the thoughts. Inspect the ‘why’ as to why some thoughts don’t resonate. Inspect self referential thoughts as Well. 

“The moving finger writes; and, having writ, moves on: nor all thy piety nor wit shall lure it back to cancel half a line, nor all thy tears wash out a word of it.
-- Omar Khayyam

 

[mandyjw]

The ego-less state (or rather the lack of negative self awareness or self concept) is more like the "dance like no one is watching" kind of freedom of being. You might talk or and burst out laughing even if no one is there. The suffering is almost always in the thought "what would others think, this is wrong/not normal, what if I'm crazy?" rather than in the spontaneity, which is usually pure freedom and joy. It's a celebration, it's a way of higher praise, a love of being. Maybe that's what's trying to work its way loose. 

I don't know hardly anyone who wasn't taught to sit down, sit still, shut up and wait until they are called on to express themselves as children. This is for other people's convenience, not for our own well being. Why on earth would we persist in this kind of repression, especially while alone? Because it has become deeply self imposed. 

Sometimes it can be helpful to carve out some time to write freely in a flow or creative style, or to dance or sing, whatever. Or just follow the inspiration when it comes. 

Edited June 30, 2021 by mandyjw

[Cathal]

1 hour ago, mandyjw said:

The ego-less state (or rather the lack of negative self awareness or self concept) is more like the "dance like no one is watching" kind of freedom of being. You might talk or and burst out laughing even if no one is there. The suffering is almost always in the thought "what would others think, this is wrong/not normal, what if I'm crazy?" rather than in the spontaneity, which is usually pure freedom and joy. It's a celebration, it's a way of higher praise, a love of being. Maybe that's what's trying to work its way loose. 

I don't know hardly anyone who wasn't taught to sit down, sit still, shut up and wait until they are called on to express themselves as children. This is for other people's convenience, not for our own well being. Why on earth would we persist in this kind of repression, especially while alone? Because it has become deeply self imposed. 

Sometimes it can be helpful to carve out some time to write freely in a flow or creative style, or to dance or sing, whatever. Or just follow the inspiration when it comes. 

yeah i have a lot of trouble finding ways to express myself through something like art, dancing. i really don't have much capacity to enjoy anything right now but you reminded me of the importance of looking for an outlet for myself, thanks