Self Actualization Journal

[Kelley White]

Goals for today:

Breathe 

Trust the flow 

Write more on Science fiction book 

Create more concrete marketing plan 

Work more on content creation/editing current content 

Remember to eat 

Not feel guilty for taking the weekends for myself 

Trust My voice and choices 

Own my voice and choices 

Take better control of my emotions  (feelings are not facts) 

Learn to let go of the past and negative self defeating self talk.  

 

 

 

[nbolt]

I like these goals : )

[Rayko]

A good list of things to work on.  I would have liked to had the habit of making lists earlier in my life because they are proving invaluable in my process.

[Cookiesliyr]

Goals for today?

i don't think you can do all of that in one day, can you? i mean ... maybe my work is different, but each task i do it usually take few days to Accomplish. but good luck in your work all the ways.

[Kelley White]

Good Morning Neill, thank you That is very kind of you.  They served as positive reminders for the day which proved helpful later in the day when I was emotionally triggered.

[Kelley White]

Good Morning Ryako, Nice to meet you.  Thank you.   I learned to make lists early on in life.  I think its a good way to establish goals and have a focus point to return too.   I think lists are invaluable in process as well as in determining where you are in the process; perhaps if you need to shift or adjust process based upon goals versus outcomes.

[Kelley White]

Good Morning Cookiesliyr, thank you for your observation and comment.  I appreciate it because you are pointing out something critical, why lists are unique to the individual.

I think goals are personal since each of us have different overall goals and styles for accomplishing goals as  well as skill sets and capabilities and raw talents.  (Or practiced talents.)   For me the above set of goals may be comfortably attainable within a day while for someone else this might be too many goals to focus on.   The goals help me with time management which facilitates multi-tasking.

I tend to have a brain that wakes  up on and remains on for about fourteen hours a day.  If I don't give myself, as a creative, a broad focus to work with I can end up being very hyper critical of self or bored and internalizing negative self talk.   Goals tend to be subjective to the individual. So let's look at my list and I'll show you my process or reasoning.

Breathe:  I have to agree by observation most of us stop breathing.  We start taking this reflexive act for granted and panic, fear, stress, all of these things work against us in learning to breathe fully, daily.  Yoga, many spiritual practices start with breathing.  Now we have science we are aware that breathing and specific breathing exercises reset cognition and help calm the body; releasing all the negative "junk" we acquire."  With Post traumatic stress one of the first things that kicks in flight, fright, fawn, or freeze, (the four major responses to an emotional trigger) if I remind myself, breathe, I literally have the opportunity to pause, the breath and then cognition can kick in.  I can begin inquiry about the trigger detaching to examine with clarity to diffuse the emotional state and take a corrective action and avoid a nasty spiral down the rabbit whole, depressed.    So this is a good reminder to have on my list since I can use my list as a tool for focus.

In the Flow:  If I accept that by observation everything appears to happen for a reason and if I am in the flow of what is, versus what should be, I can accept my imperfections while still having goals.  I give myself permission to not necessarily have to meet all the goals I set; I just want to keep the goals in mind as I progress throughout the day.  This is a reminder for mindset and self forgiveness if for some reason life happens and one or more of my daily goals goes unmet.  I might also have an oops and get triggered, forget to breathe, go down the rabbit whole and have to retrieve myself from a rabbit hole of my own chasing by practicing DBT skills.  So this one just gives me permission to remember life happens and I might not meet a goal that's okay as well.

Write more on Science fiction book 

Create more concrete marketing plan 

Work more on content creation/editing current content  

How do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time.

As a writer, I write every day.  To progress on a novel one must work on it every day; especially the first draft.  You just write what comes; edit later.   So these are actual concrete tasks I have set out too accomplish.    Setting aside an hour to three hours to write each day is not only a great goal for me, it allows me to multi-task and accomplish successive approximations towards the long term goal of finish and publish a book.  

An Author also has to now market themselves to have presence.  This means I generally also post a daily newspaper, (automated freeware) I just got a blog up and going,(freeware)  and I post to multiple social media platforms daily.   I have to have unique or interesting curated and original content for all of those sources.    Since I am in a growth phase, the posting without a plan thing was successful while I was small.  Now that I am growing I have to select a focus for branding as well as find animated tools with freeware to free my time for its highest and best use; interaction, research, and writing. 

If I just thought about a plan or created a list and worked on that task for an hour?  I would have forward progress.   Eventually I build on that progress, habituate the actions and it becomes routine so I can create new goals and manifest new outcomes.   Small daily successive approximations towards lasting change.   By  taking the time to think about this  Friday, I was able to have a plan I could begin to implement which took something overwhelming and made it feel more manageable.

The same is true for the latter, I have to create new and original content for the social media sites to mix into the curated content.   This is more of my poetry flow state writing where I select and emotion, Listen to music, and in a trance sort of state I write poems.  The majority of my poems, even the more complex ones take less than two hours to write, many only minutes, they free flow from places of contemplation and synthesis.   This is usually a synergistic process so the music and the artwork usually all comes at once synchronistically.    I can also create memes, find quotes, again this task can be allotted whatever time I like and I still by doing it each day build on the success and have forward momentum.

Eating - I get hyperfocused, so setting reminders to eat ensures I take breaks and eat.  Otherwise I can end up forgetting to eat.  This is a must remember to do that I have to put on my list or I literally can forget to do it.

Not feel guilty for taking the weekends for myself    Right now I work very hard doing the week, so I take weekends for me to recharge; its my private time.   I can feel guilty like I am not working therefore I am letting others down.  This allows me to remember I have to take care of me to have the fuel to give to others during the week.

Trust My voice and choices 

Own my voice and choices 

Take better control of my emotions  (feelings are not facts) 

Learn to let go of the past and negative self defeating self talk.  

These goals are mental health management items.   When I find myself defaulting to a self defeating behavior, or negative self talk, I can break the pattern by returning to the list and reminding myself to process and do inquiry.   

This for me is not a to do list.  My to do list?  That's really hectic.  The difference?  I prioritize that list with a personal system I use and anything left undone just shifts to the next days priority to do list.   I began using this practice when I worked in Real Estate which is a very negotiation and time sensitive contractual process with multiple contracts in play which must be handled with precision.   I had to essentially list, manage, market, and sell properties which also meant working 14 plus hour days 24/7 and multi tasking effectively.  For me efficiency is an organization problem.   To accomplish multi tasking I try to find freeware that can do things and create an organized infrastructure so I can create more overall volume of activity with less, more efficient resources.   Again a process not a destination and not a linear process at that.

For me?  This is doable if I retain focus.  If I don't? I give myself permission to be imperfect.  For me this list works.  For you?  Your list might be one thing you really want to focus on.  So I would encourage you to just find your own comfort zone and do what you feel is best for you.

Thank you so much for your insights and a thought provoking comment.

[Kelley White]

Today my goal was simple. 

CHOOSE TO BE happy.    Take personal responsibility for my OWN happiness.   Learning to realize I do like something about me. 

To choose to do what I wanted to do, what would make ME happy versus what I felt like I should do. 

I have issues sleeping and my normal routine would be to get up at 3am and then get on social media and start promoting causes, curating content, signing petitions, encouraging others I see in need in my feeds, campaigning, in other words, doing doing, doing for others.  

I would beat myself up for not writing or being published, then add all the other things I have done "wrong" since the origins of birth; add all the negative things anyone unkind ever said to me, and finding myself guilty.

I feel like a failure because I am not financially independent, or because I did this wrong, or that wrong.... Like get off the cross we need the wood?

So today I began my day at 3 am taking a MOOC Class on daily creativity.   I spent the rest of my day focused on the forum, self actualization videos, and stopped all the doing to just be and realign with what is versus thinking an imaginary end point is the be all and end all of happiness.   

When I do inquiry I begin to learn I am healthier than I assume, its normal to feel the way I do based upon my experiences  but I don't have to remain stuck there. 

I began to refocus on strengths and learn to change weaknesses to strengths.  I see what really matters are the people in my life in physical reality that care for me now, who support me now, and I can just be each day and base choices on my wants versus spinning from a space of  need.

Based upon my experience thus far today, I have been happy versus depressed even though I have faced interesting behaviors of mine which can be self defeating.   I will be interested to observe if this continues.

 

I watched the "How to Stop Judging Yourself" video by Leo and learned I had the issue of believing I was lazy, and a critical mother so becoming a people pleaser who must be selfless.  My children still expect me to be the selfless mother or I am the horrible mother. (splitting)  So I have learned why I don't allow myself to just be happy.   All the rules I have about reality to be a perfect person.     The source of the shame, I feel guilty all the time.  I am going to do the exercise.  

All in all a good day thus far.

 

 

[Robert]

It's cool to see a fellow fiction writer on here. Have you read The Anatomy of Story by John Truby? It's a must-read for any writer of fiction.

[Kelley White]

 

Quote

It's cool to see a fellow fiction writer on here. Have you read The Anatomy of Story by John Truby? It's a must-read for any writer of fiction.

Good Morning Robert,   Nice to meet you.  What genre do you write?  I have not read The Anatomy of a Story by John Truby.  Thank you for the heads up about the book! 

Hahaha I rebel against "musts" "Be like water..."  Master Bruce Lee 

My favorite word feature when writing poetry?  Ignore rule.

[Kelley White]

The 800 lb Elephant in my Head Space       

People Pleasing 

Here is how people pleasing is shifting in my life:

I was taught  Selfish = bad 

Its hard to give your self permission to be selfish if selfish = bad

I was taught selfless = perfection   

Perfection was the minimal acceptable standard in my home growing up. I joke I was born a small adult; but I was an only child.  It was true in so many ways.  Fun?  What's fun?  Anything worth doing doing well or don't do it at all was the mantra in my home.  No wonder I struggle with doing when it comes to creating? 

Then I learned there is no creation without imperfection.   Stephen Hawking  Really!  Check him out.  

I realized I wanted male approval.    I picked men who were impossible to please.          Then I learned why it made sense I would select men impossible to please.  

This strategy of "I need a man/woman/job/event?"  It never works.    If only when I?  Never arrives.  Its the dangling carrot which keeps on sticking it too you.

Nash's Equilibrium, the law of Governing Dynamics tells us this is a Zero Sum game.     Self interest and then the interest of the group.  A game played to conclusion players will cooperate/collaborate until it is no longer in their best interests to do so. 

Criticism:  Criticism of my writing: 

I learned when I began putting work out there that my work was not neutral because it was authentic.  I also learned reading was subjective.  I could write A, someone read Z.  Worse yet, since I post art and music with my work, they would like the image or the music, but never even read the piece.

Some people, loved me or hated me.  People read one poem, thought they knew me, read another, hated me. 

I had to re frame my thinking about public opinion. Now sometimes I cry, then I ask what is real and I get back on track.  Other times I laugh.  I see it for what it is.  The more I practice the  better it gets.

Then I realized, I was writing about shifting social paradigms, emotional topics.  I learned haters could be good for business.

I learned "likes" had little value, but they were not in and of themselves of "value". 

If the source was an editor, a  mentor, a person who's opinion had merit based upon direct experience I would then examine it.  Sometimes I still retained my own style and thanked them for their input.  Other times, I agreed with their advice and I brought this issue into my awareness and made small changes to shift the paradigm.   

Several times?  I got self defeating and handled it horribly.    Then I had to own my own bullshit and go apologize.   I learned it worked out     better than I feared it would.   My mistakes really could be learning opportunities and not punishments.

Occasionally I learned people I assumed I could look up, I could not.  I got hurt.  I had to remember that did not mean ALL people could not be trusted or wanted to hurt me.

Currently?  My emotional desire to care for others/support multiple efforts in the now moment writes checks my physical being cannot deliver      consistently with my present infrastructure.

I make mistakes, and most of them are in public.     I find owning my mistakes despite my fear has resulted in better consequences than I fear.   Its still challenging to do, its still scary.  Its humiliating sometimes too.  Owning my mistakes empowers me to not make them again.   

In my personal life?    I am struggling to find the line between the private me and the public me.   So I make my weekends for me and remember I do what I do for free.   It okay to allow myself to take time off.    I do not have to be there for others 24/7. 

After the media attention of my son and the public humiliation endured for years, that really felt like a public violation of my life.   After what felt like a public break up ( an unpleasant feeling in and of itself) I'm not sure how much of my private me I want people to know in one sense now. 

I have issues posting celebrity things now because I know so much of it is not true.  How do I do to others for success what was done to me when I know the harm it can cause?

It appears successful people are subject to lack of privacy which is intrusive and I tend to think of that and pause wondering if fame and  success is worth the platform it would give to effect change with a powerful story which opens me to ridicule at a core level?  

I don't assume some individuals will judge me, I know, based upon logic, many will.  This  is a huge fear.  If your story is a success the more people to make fun of you.

(Just look at the memes we create and laugh at today?)  I now have challenges sharing that kind of content.  It attracts viewers, but is it really true kind and necessary?  I don't know?  Can I write poem being unkind to someone I don't agreed with to be funny like I used to without being unkind to someone I don't know?  Is it true?

Being open about anything sexual as a female author opens you to much inappropriate contact by men.  They are angry if you can't answer each one of them and think you are aloof when you are simply too busy to answer every  email and still create.  It's as though you become the archetype for every attractive intelligent woman that said no, and made them somehow feel less than." 

Then there are the men who are sexually inappropriate or sometimes even frightening.  Its hard for me to own my full femininity in my work because I fear it makes me more of a target based upon my  past direct experience. 

On the flip side, posting no sexual side of myself makes me appear like the ice princess versus the person protecting their private life and it also makes my work inauthentic in my core creative being.  I'm not certain how to resolve this and still feel safe?

Another fear? Re-harming others telling my story which means telling their story and asking ethically if those stories are mine to tell?   How do I tell my story and not cause harm to anyone involved but get people to examine challenging interconnected social issues which impact each of us?

I struggle with how I'm perceived by people who's opinion I cannot change.  Mostly family.  Mostly family who I never will be capable of pleasing regardless of what I do. Am I seeking the wrong people to please?

I'm learning selfish coupled with effective interpersonal communication works better.   

I'm new at it so I still have "oops." 

Is my ideal image who I am or who I think others want me to be?  This I could inquire more about.

Where is the line between being one's authentic self and causing harm to others in doing so?

It's not a linear process, so I find when I am working on this sometimes I go to the other extreme in an inappropriate way.  Then I feel badly about me.

I'm afraid I'm an asshole so I work really hard not to be one.   I feel regret when I cause harm to others.

I sacrifice my agendas for those of others.  Now I am aware I have a challenge with "I want."  So today I am focusing on figuring out what I want.

Perhaps if I know what I want? Perhaps I will learn how to say no and care less about what other people think of the authentic me? 

 

Perhaps someone else can relate to some of these things and can share observations or perspectives that helped you over come people pleasing?

 

 

 

 

 

[Amplituda]

Wow... so much going on there: standards, struggles, need for approval, self criticism, defeats, fear, and challenges. How can one be happy with this entire luggage? No need to answer. Breath -> Smile -> Love -> Live and answer will come to you. :)  Enjoy the process.

 

[Robert]

20 hours ago, Kelley White said:

 

Good Morning Robert,   Nice to meet you.  What genre do you write?  I have not read The Anatomy of a Story by John Truby.  Thank you for the heads up about the book! 

Hahaha I rebel against "musts" "Be like water..."  Master Bruce Lee 

My favorite word feature when writing poetry?  Ignore rule.

Nice to meet you too. 

I write comics. I know comics is a medium and not a genre, but I say "comics" because I don't have a preference for any specific genre when writing. I'm working on 4 different comics right now and they're all a variety of genres, from fantasy to science fiction to realistic fiction to horror.

Yeah, you're right. There really are no musts or rules for this stuff. That's a good outlook to have. Good luck with your writing.

[Kelley White]

Quote

Nice to meet you too. 

I write comics. I know comics is a medium and not a genre, but I say "comics" because I don't have a preference for any specific genre when writing. I'm working on 4 different comics right now and they're all a variety of genres, from fantasy to science fiction to realistic fiction to horror.

Yeah, you're right. There really are no musts or rules for this stuff. That's a good outlook to have. Good luck with your writing.

Good Morning @Robert  I love comics.  I spent many hours as an only child with a flashlight in my closet, hidden among five foot stacks of them reading. 

Good for you!  I like having multiple projects and multiple styles as well.   I think that keeps it interesting.

I like non fiction, poetry, social commentary, essays, but for my first focus on a "novel?"  Science fiction.  LOL  I have a vision.  

Thank you for the best wishes, good luck with your work as well. I will keep the book in mind though, thank you.

 

 

 

 

[Kelley White]

Quote

Wow... so much going on there: standards, struggles, need for approval, self criticism, defeats, fear, and challenges. How can one be happy with this entire luggage? No need to answer. Breath -> Smile -> Love -> Live and answer will come to you. :)  Enjoy the process.

Good Morning @Amplituda.  Nice to meet you. 

You make some interesting observations so lets break them down and see how the might be true to me. 

Am I happy now?  Sometimes yes, sometimes no throughout a day. 

Are there valid struggles in my life at the moment why I might be experiencing these ups and downs?  Yes. 

Am I hyper self critical right now in this moment now?  No.  Might I become so in some other moment today? 

Perhaps, perhaps not.

Fear? Yes I am fearful.  With what I have just experienced the fear is a healthy fear which keeps one living on one level.  Its being aware, wise and proactive to ensure physical and emotional safety from a toxic person who caused much harm and still could at any time if he so chose to do so.  

I am fearful because I experienced real traumas in life that taught me the world is not always a safe place.  I wish it was, it isn't. 

I wish there was a formula to make sure bad things did not happen to good people.  In my experience there is not. 

I reiterate this is due to my direct personal experiences, which have been rather traumatic and life long.  My reality check?  Several licensed mental health professional who reassure me I am not crazy and most folks who have lived through what I have would be institutionalized somewhere or dead, I have a 100% survival rate.

Enjoy the process:  I wish this was true.  It sounds like it should be true, it would be nice. 

I'm not certain how you really examine core issues like sexual assault, domestic violence, crime, stalking, rape, harassment, a child in prison for murder and "enjoy" that process.  I think that is rather unrealistic as an expectation. 

Let's say I can't enjoy examining those issues?  Do I ignore them?  What progress will I make then?

In my experience wellness is a process; not a destination.  You're always digging deeper.  Sometimes?  Sometimes that process is fun and rewarding, even exhilarating.  

Other times?  Other times, if you are really honest, you are facing things about yourself that kind of  hit you at that gut level which release emotions you've been holding in your body.  Things that hurt.  Things that you rage at, negative emotional you acknowledge in non self defeating ways so you don't harm yourself or others even emotionally or verbally.

What I really did in the above was a free flow of thought in writing which allowed me to process as I was writing.  Look at all I learned I was holding inside of me I got to release just right there? 

Look at the patterns I was able to break all day long having done this small journal in the morning? 

In the past two days, I may have moments I cry, but I'm not depressed. That's huge! 

I'm not obsessing and having "I can't in my heart."  I'm hearing and learning I can. 

Maybe you have already asked tough questions and can enjoy where you are in your process at this moment in the now.  That's wonderful and enjoy it.   

However I find self actualization is like an ebb and flow of non linear progression, some days it feels fun and you enjoy it, other days you learn to sit with pain and lots of unpleasant stuff that is not so enjoyable so you don't have to deal  with it again, and again, and again through maladaptive behaviors leaking out.

Someday?  After I've sorted all my luggage I'm going to have a clean factory to build new cool shit in.   So perhaps today's discomfort is worthwhile for tomorrows enjoyable process?

Thank you for you comment.

 

 

 

[Kelley White]

Day of the Vision Quest!

 

My first passion? 

 

Dancing Inmates  Sony Pictures.

 

Some events alter your life forever.  One morning my life was turned upside down. 

Meet my son Carl.

So I have big visions!   

The first is related to criminal justice reform and services for inmates and inmate families. 

There are not many services available for inmates or their families  and yet we have one of the largest incarcerated populations on the planet.

I want to change that.

People have many misconceptions about the criminal justice system.  I want to change that.

The media causes great harm to families and the accused with how they present crime news.  This harm goes unnoticed because its not popular to advocate for the accused or the families/loved one's of the accused/offenders.

I want to change that.

Many people don't understand how the criminal justice system functions from multiple perspectives.  As a former officer, a crime survivor, a mother of victims, a mother of an inmate, a former PI?  I have a unique perspective based upon my direct experience.   I think I can bridge the gap.

This might mean writing something very personal and painful to help others.  It might mean being rejected and disliked. 

I also blame myself, so I have lived in a prison of my own creation, doing time with my son.

When your son gives you this message? You realize you have to stop and let all the pain you've ignored out.

The goal today?  Radical acceptance of what is.    Mature Language.

 

 

[Amplituda]

@Kelley White It's nice to communicate with you as well. No need to thank me. I don't think you understood my comment, but it's normal.

YOU - divine you, isn't the same as your body or your mind. All that, described above, comes from your mind and includes emotions, some of them are stronger than others. All this is heavy and leaves very little room for YOU.

YOU - lives outside of time, emotions and other things created by society (or you can call it matrix). Divine YOU isn't known for most of us, just because the way we're raised and all the garbage pushed to us from different channels. And there is a reason for that which you can understand later, but let's try to keep it clear for you and get to important part.

YOU - needs to be discovered, listened and followed to be happy. And I'm not talking about temporary happiness like when you eat chocolate or having sex, junky food and so on... I'm talking about constant joy you can live with throughout life. It can't be described and need to be experienced. However, to get there you need to think and apply what needs to be done to make all the luggage gone and  you will see that suddenly YOU will be discovered. You will need to apply coordinal changes on perception to YOU, you(your body and mind) and life. It's possible to do it 'Right Now' and not to wait for the future.

Sorry to disappoint you , but what you said above wouldn't work.

You have a lovely son, btw.

Namaste

 

 

[Kelley White]

52 minutes ago, Amplituda said:

@Kelley White It's nice to communicate with you as well. No need to thank me. I don't think you understood my comment, but it's normal.

YOU - divine you, isn't the same as your body or your mind. All that, described above, comes from your mind and includes emotions, some of them are stronger than others. All this is heavy and leaves very little room for YOU.

YOU - lives outside of time, emotions and other things created by society (or you can call it matrix). Divine YOU isn't known for most of us, just because the way we're raised and all the garbage pushed to us from different channels. And there is a reason for that which you can understand later, but let's try to keep it clear for you and get to important part.

YOU - needs to be discovered, listened and followed to be happy. And I'm not talking about temporary happiness like when you eat chocolate or having sex, junky food and so on... I'm talking about constant joy you can live with throughout life. It can't be described and need to be experienced. However, to get there you need to think and apply what needs to be done to make all the luggage gone and  you will see that suddenly YOU will be discovered. You will need to apply coordinal changes on perception to YOU, you(your body and mind) and life. It's possible to do it 'Right Now' and not to wait for the future.

Sorry to disappoint you , but what you said above wouldn't work.

You have a lovely son, btw.

Namaste

@Amplituda Hi.  No, a thank you is a gift, not a necessity.

Agree with line one 

Quote

YOU - divine you, isn't the same as your body or your mind

Quote

All that, described above, comes from your mind and includes emotions, some of them are stronger than others.

I disagree with all this leaves little room for me.  The above is processing.  Its what writers do.  I simply transparently share it here for two reasons;

Accountability which makes me more focused and consistent

Helping others.

By doing all three I figure out who I am and find out who I am just as much as when I sit in quiet, or I write poems or create art, or engage in  any other healing activity.   So I don't find your last observation wholly accurate related to me personally.

Quote

YOU - lives outside of time, emotions and other things created by society (or you can call it matrix). Divine YOU isn't known for most of us, just because the way we're raised and all the garbage pushed to us from different channels.

This, I am aware of.  I love physics, I love time travel, so I study time, light, astro mechanics, numerous topics and meditations, writings, which led me to arrive at this same conclusion.  (At least until we have new science which may or may not continue to validate it)

Now the last, I do believe that was the conclusion I came to above and articulated above. LOL

8 hours ago, Kelley White said:

However I find self actualization is like an ebb and flow of non linear progression, some days it feels fun and you enjoy it, other days you learn to sit with pain and lots of unpleasant stuff that is not so enjoyable so you don't have to deal  with it again, and again, and again through maladaptive behaviors leaking out.

Someday?  After I've sorted all my luggage I'm going to have a clean factory to build new cool shit in.   So perhaps today's discomfort is worthwhile for tomorrows enjoyable process?

So I am scratching my head trying to understand

 

23 hours ago, Amplituda said:

Wow... so much going on there: standards, struggles, need for approval, self criticism, defeats, fear, and challenges. How can one be happy with this entire luggage? No need to answer. Breath -> Smile -> Love -> Live and answer will come to you. :)  Enjoy the process.

1 hour ago, Amplituda said:

I don't think you understood my comment, but it's normal.

Sometimes?  Its breathe, cry, live, breathe, smile, breathe cry, breath cry, breath smile live.  Sometimes its some other pattern.  I don't agree answers just come to us.  If they did, folks like Leo wouldn't work years to create a course which meant reading materials and watching lectures and learning for hours.   Leo obviously breathed and did some hard work.  Leo obviously had days he did not do much more than breathe, or maybe breathe and cry and live.  I don't know, I'm just going by some very authentic videos where he shares his struggles. 

I have had more clarity doing this for the past three days than in the past two and a half years.  So here?  I can't agree with you about it won't work, its working.  Perhaps it wouldn't work for you?  That's okay.  For me?  I'm going to listen to Leo, do the course, keep doing what is working. 

Thank you so much for your kind words about my son.  I am so proud of the man he has become today.   He is in an honors unit, he fund raises with other inmates for charities in the community, he studies and now he teaches me things all the time.   I get to skype with him, I get a picnic once a year, so I feel very fortunate compared to many inmate families I know.  I don't get as much as I would like, but I'm thankful for the time we do get.  I love him, he's my baby boy.  I know he loves me.  I'm thankful he's alive. Very kind of you to take an interest and very healing.  Thank you.

 

[DanoDMano]

@Kelley White Wow girl.

I've been journaling for most of my life and I can tell you from experience that writing down what's in your head becomes an effective therapeutic release. That being said, You must have an enormous head. I find it astonishing the amount of thought your able to share. For me personally if I had that much to think about everyday I'd probably put myself into a self-induced coma every once in a while just for the break.

Seriously though I hope this type of constant thought doesn't overwhelm your life and that sometimes you get to just "stop and smell the roses" as the saying goes. Life's too short to be thinking and doing so much but if your happy then who am I to give advice? Take care.

 

[Leo Gura]

@Kelley White Is one of your goals to use every emoticon known to man?