6 dates, no sex.. Is she attention seeker?

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, Tangerinedream said:

Emotional unavailablity and neediness for sex are the main repellents lol. 

I agree with this. Emotional unavailability can be a big turn off 

The thoughts of sex would not even enter the mind with an emotionally unavailable guy

[kras]

1 minute ago, Preety_India said:

I agree with this. Emotional unavailability can be a big turn off 

The thoughts of sex would not even enter the mind with an emotionally unavailable guy

I am not sure what exactly does emotional unavaliability mean. 

Could you elaborate on that?

[Tangerinedream]

2 minutes ago, kras said:

I am not sure what exactly does emotional unavaliability mean. 

Could you elaborate on that?

Cold, dismissive, not showing emotions, serious, acting very detached. 

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, Tangerinedream said:

Cold, dismissive, not showing emotions, serious, acting very detached. 

 

5 minutes ago, kras said:

I am not sure what exactly does emotional unavaliability mean. 

Could you elaborate on that?

Yea the above things.

If you already didn't know the meaning of emotional unavailability then chances are very high that you didn't create emotinal availability in the situation. So obviously the woman does not feel stimulated enough 

Try to work on your skills and intentions. 

Women can sense a lot of things 

If you are being sexually needy, nothing wrong with it per se, however also make space for her needs before you expect to complete your needs 

 

[Tangerinedream]

16 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

 

Yea the above things.

If you already didn't know the meaning of emotional unavailability then chances are very high that you didn't create emotinal availability in the situation. So obviously the woman does not feel stimulated enough 

Try to work on your skills and intentions. 

Women can sense a lot of things 

If you are being sexually needy, nothing wrong with it per se, however also make space for her needs before you expect to complete your needs 

 

Yes.  @kras Also, it might be confusing because pickup teaches that a guy should be detached.  But it is a coin with 2 sides. The problem is that if you are told to force or act being detached, chances are you will go to the extreme and become emotionally unavailable. 
whereas healthy detachment is simply having other things going on, like a life purpose or a friends group. so that you aren’t looking to the other person as something you need to get something from. 

[Tangerinedream]

15 minutes ago, Gesundheit2 said:

What?! I thought we were done with objectifying women a long time ago.

Lol. 

Why can't a woman be interesting in and of herself without using sex as a resource to keep the guy chasing after her? Why resort to those power dynamics when she can be fun and exciting? I would love to see more questioning of those dynamics.

agree.  I was talking about the act of sex itself.  A woman is giving her body penetrated. 
 

yes and the woman will withhold it when the guy is acting needy for sex.  If the guy was also fun and exciting it would be a different story.  
a fun and exciting girl wouldn’t wanna give it up to someone who is desperate.  Unless she’s also desperate. 
A fun girl also wants a fun guy, not an emotionally unavailable guy. 

And btw, by all means you should enjoy the sex as much as your man.

And how do we know the girl isn’t fun and exciting, and that op is being cold and moody? So many things we don’t know 

Edited June 30, 2021 by Tangerinedream

[Arcangelo]

11 hours ago, kras said:

she said that she is looking for serious relationship.

She sees you as BF material and she wants you to respect her, or to think she is a good girl, or anything of that sort. You know what I mean.

If she looked at you like a Chad or a Tyrone she would have already slept with you.

It's wear is like some girls punish the guys they really like.

Good news: she really likes you.

Bad news: She doesn't perceive you as a ten, and she doesn't perceive you as an alpha male.

I wouldn't get in a serious relationship with this woman TBH.

-------------------------

You seem to start getting frustrated. She can NOT see that, you better hide that. You try, ten minutes later you try again.

Next time no date, you tell her to come to your spot, that you guys are gonna cook, drink wine, smoke weed and listen to music.

Good luck and have protected fun.

 

Arc

 

[Tangerinedream]

14 minutes ago, Gesundheit2 said:

@Tangerinedream

I was just talking in general. I still don't get it, though. The discussion still seems within the same frame, as if sex implies winning or losing something, which makes it a power dynamic. I understand how it's important to be wise and not give it to anyone, as many guys aren't necessarily ready for commitment at the time the girl is. But in this case, and after 45 days, it's become rather silly. The guy clearly isn't screwing around. Plus, having the sex early on prevents further building-up of attachment, so if there's no connection or compatibility, then why wait so long to find out?

Well there is somewhat of a power dynamic going on, isn’t the man the dominator in this sense? You can’t really be equal in sex, it’s not the woman in a higher position of power in sex (maybe if she’s on top or something but generally the man is holding the higher position) 

Somewhat agree tho about waiting too long for sex.  dynamic and feelings can change afterwards.  

but still we don’t know the full details or story of the OP.  This could just be a super reserved girl or a girl who’s been hurt before, or has trauma. Who knows. 
 

Just adding that also, this winning and losing thing is generally how it goes.  A man sees having sex has getting something, winning, conquering.  What do you think pickup is? It’s about conquering lots of girls bodies. 
a guy will feel like he has achieved something whereas a girl will feel used.  
 

Edited June 30, 2021 by Tangerinedream

[kras]

I have a backstory with two narcissistic girls who used to jerk me around for couple of months so that is why i am a little frustrated right know. 

I really don't believe that this girl is like that, but might be a little bit of trauma come on a surface for me..

[Tangerinedream]

1 minute ago, kras said:

I have a backstory with two narcissistic girls who used to jerk me around for couple of months so that is why i am a little frustrated right know. 

I really don't believe that this girl is like that, but might be a little bit of trauma come on a surface for me..

Do you want a relationship with the girl or just sex ? 

[Parththakkar12]

2 hours ago, Tangerinedream said:

‘I don’t know you enough’ is more like meaning ‘I’m unsure how attracted I am to you’ 

and if she’s unsure how attracted she is it means means that perhaps OP is behaving somewhat emotionally closed off and pushy for sex, therefore she doesn’t feel safe enough in his presence to surrender her body.  Emotional unavailablity and neediness for sex are the main repellents lol. 
(Unless there Is a trauma related attraction to emotional unavailability, but of that were the case it would make her chase him more) 

Okay.

By the way, how can someone be emotionally closed-off AND pushy? Isn't it an either/or? Out of curiosity.

[kras]

30 minutes ago, Tangerinedream said:

Do you want a relationship with the girl or just sex ? 

I like her, its not just the sex, but she make me feel that she uses me just for attention. 

[Tangerinedream]

1 hour ago, Parththakkar12 said:

By the way, how can someone be emotionally closed-off AND pushy? Isn't it an either/or? Out of curiosity.

Easy.  By pushing or expecting sex without offering any intimacy or care for the girl.  It’s actually very common.

1 hour ago, kras said:

I like her, its not just the sex, but she make me feel that she uses me just for attention. 

Then maybe just take a step back from the relationship, if you feel she just wants attention.
But she’s probably just testing you to see if you’re a fuck boy or not lol.. so then again stepping away because of no sex would then prove to her that’s what you wanted. 

Edited June 30, 2021 by Tangerinedream

[Tangerinedream]

1 hour ago, Gesundheit2 said:

During the intercourse, yes. But not necessarily on the way towards it, or anywhere outside of that. What happens in the bed stays in the bed lol.

Yes but the point was that you were saying sex isn’t a big deal and I’m saying it’s more a big deal for the woman because she is the one who will be penetrated and dominated, not the other way around.  So it’s a bigger thing for her than for the man. 

[Tangerinedream]

45 minutes ago, Gesundheit2 said:

I would say it depends on how the woman chooses to look at sex. One way is to view it like you're suggesting, which is the classical view. More modern ways suggest to look at it as two equals getting their needs met in a playful joyful consensual manner, regardless of the roles in bed. It's similar to a romance movie where both the guy and the girl are the main characters, not just one of them.

Yeah it just depends on the people involved.  Every case will be different.

and since usually it’s never talked about openly, it will end up a situation like OP, where he wants sex but she is afraid of being used. If they talked about it all then maybe that would lighten the mood. 
when people aren’t honest with what they want, it’s just a guessing game between the sexes.  Her making assumptions about him and vice versa.  Each being frustrated with the other.

Although i suppose she was honest in saying she wants a serious relationship and is being honest about not wanting to have sex yet. 

Edited June 30, 2021 by Tangerinedream

[Consept]

@kras 

6 dates is quite a lot imo without anything sexual happening. What you have to ask yourself is would she act the same way if she was going out with someone shes really attracted to? Maybe she would and if thats the case then just decide whether you like her enough to give all that attention to her and potentially have a relationship with her in the future. 

But most likely shes slept with guys within 3 dates before and probably still would in the future, so in that case youve either got to address why you were treated differently and its probably what Leo said about the boyfriend frame rather than the playful jerk. So its probably not too late to change your frame with her but more for the future work on your game and also have standard that if you feel the girl is not 'rip your clothes off into you' then just let it go, otherwise its like youre begging for scraps. 

[Roy]

6 dates no sex? Is this over the course of 2 weeks or more than a month? There is no "rule" written per say, but that is quite a few encounters without sex especially if you're both adults.

Either she is really pure/innocent and want to hold off until that "magical moment", or you are doing something wrong and pushing with the wrong frame like Leo said.

My advice is loosen up and be light hearted in the next date. At the start of the date tell her you really like her and want to connect in that way (physically), but you'll be cool and wait until she's ready. Then back off with a little bit, touch her less. Don't be needy. Give her the space and the chance to chase YOU and she'll probably fuck you that night or the next one. Works pretty well in my experience.

If it doesn't happen in the next 1-3 encounters it's probably compatibility problems and you should cut things off.

[hoodrow trillson]

6 dates no sex means she's getting her fill by another dude in the meantime.  

[Arcangelo]

I agree.

[Emerald]

She's probably still going through the process of knowing whether she wants to build something serious with you.

I know personally, that if I were in a space of getting to know a guy as a relationship prospect that I think has potential but that those strong feelings haven't yet gotten to boiling point, I'd want to wait for sex until they did... just because the sex is a thousand worlds better when those feelings are present.

And that usually takes several months for things to get to the boiling point where the tension is high enough for deep bonding to happen.

From a woman's pov, sex really only gets decent if you feel a really strong intimate connection with someone. The physicality by itself is kind of meh without that element. In my experience, the intimacy and limerence really has to set in for truly mind-blowing sex to happen. And if you've started out initially on a sexual/romantic foot, then it will probably take a while for those feelings to get there for her.

So, she's probably taking time to build the tension with you so that she knows if she really wants you and so that the sex is actually good for when it happens. 

That's my guess. 

Basically, she's a woman. Give her time to let her get up to temperature so that she enjoys the sex somewhat too.