Sex Diary

[ivankiss]

I walked by the place where you used to live today, D. It's the second time this week. I went out for a walk and got pulled in that direction, randomly. I guess old habits truly do die hard.

I'm hooking up with all these hot girls D, and it's fucking dreamy. But I'd still trade it all for the life I wanted to live with you. I'd give it all up, just to be by your side. No doubt about it.

But, not as we were. Because, as we were, was disastrous. It was too painful. I'm all alone in this big city, and sometimes it gets rough. All I would love to do is come home to you, hug you and talk for hours. Just like it used to be. But then I remember how fucking alone I felt in your presence, so fucking often. We had nobody. We were all alone, on the other side of the world. Stuck on a goddamn island. And you had to turn the one person that was by your side and loved you into your enemy. It's a tragedy.

I know our love was real. Conditioning tear us apart. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. I know you feel the same.

At times I still miss you, D. A lot. But we could never work. I must live with that.

[ivankiss]

A song for Serbian Beauty. We both sang to it last night.

What a Goddess. Blessed be her name.

https://youtu.be/usfDvrbrAeU

[ivankiss]

Flashbacks of North Kalutara, Sri Lanka, when I first discovered this song.

I can still hear the waves colliding. We're on our balcony, as usual. You're smiling at me, sitting there all divine and gorgeous, half naked. It seems so distant, D. Like it happened in another lifetime.

I'm cornered in fire so break out the secrets
I hope you know that you were worth it all along
I'm tired, you're angry, and everyone looks blurry
I love you, I'm leaving; so long

Hey, little one
I'm so scared of what this could have been
I know that today I lost my only friend
My little one

The places I took you, they seem so fucking empty
I have trouble going anywhere at all
Especially my own bedroom
And it stays awake to haunt me
So I'll pass out, black out, drunk in another bathroom stall

Hey, little one
I'm so scared of what this could have been
I know that today I lost my only friend

How long must I justify my pain through these songs?
How long, how long?

Hey, little one
I'm so scared of what this could have been
I know that today I lost my only little one (my little one)
I'm so scared of what this could have been
I know that today I lost my only friend

How long must I talk about my pain in these songs?
How long?

It's raining, it's sunny
It doesn't make a difference
I don't care about anything at all

[ALLIS]

Incredible journey thank you ? Write some erotic novel or something, I am not kidding amazing writing skills brate ?❤️

[ivankiss]

@ALLIS Appreciate it very much ❤

The idea crossed my mind. Might happen 

[ivankiss]

Note to self:

Maybe I should consider mature women more seriously. Plenty of gorgeous women in their 40s in this city. My life could be much easier with a sugar momma lol. + it should be a very fun experience.

[ivankiss]

In our bar with little dude and another cool dude now. What a cool day. 

Chillin' hard. It's semi-crowded. Plenty of bonkers hot girls. But I ain't in hunt mode right now. Enjoying the break.

Had a very special moment with little dude earlier. It kinda surprised me. A lot. I showed him some of my writings dedicated to my ex, and the dude literally broke down in tears. Right in front of me. In the middle of the bar. If that's not fucking awesome, I don't know what is. We hugged and I told him how awesome of him that was. I truly admire how in touch with his emotions he is. And how vulnerable he's cool with being. Very nice.

This song came up earlier... Life is dreamy ya'all. Hope you're enjoying yourselves too.

 

[ivankiss]

And now this song... Oh my fucking God.

Right in the childhood. Right in the feels.

I don't know who to trust, no surprise
Everyone feels so far away from me
Heavy thoughts sift through dust and the lies

Trying not to break, but I'm so tired of this deceit
Every time I try to make myself get back up on my feet
All I ever think about is this
All the tiring time between
And how trying to put my trust in you
Just takes so much out of me

Take everything from the inside
And throw it all away
'Cause I swear for the last time
I won't trust myself with you

Tension is building inside, steadily
Everyone feels so far away from me
Heavy thoughts forcing their way out of me

Trying not to break, but I'm so tired of this deceit
Every time I try to make myself get back up on my feet
All I ever think about is this
All the tiring time between
And how trying to put my trust in you
Just takes so much out of me

Take everything from the inside
And throw it all away
'Cause I swear for the last time
I won't trust myself with you

I won't waste myself on you
You
You
Waste myself on you
You
You

I'll take everything from the inside
And throw it all away
'Cause I swear for the last time
I won't trust myself with you

Everything from the inside
And just throw it all away
'Cause I swear for the last time
I won't trust myself with you
You
You

[ivankiss]

And another golden one.

Holy fuck. Them feels...

I am so fucking high, I can hear heaven!

I am so high I can hear heaven
I am so high I can hear heaven
Whoa, but heaven
No heaven don't hear me

And they say that a hero can save us
I'm not gonna stand here and wait
I'll hold on to the wings of the eagles
Watch as we all fly away

Someone told me love would all save us
But how can that be, look what love gave us
A world full of killing, and blood-spilling
That world never came

And they say that a hero can save us
I'm not gonna stand here and wait
I'll hold on to the wings of the eagles
Watch as we all fly away, Hi-ii-igh!

Now that the world isn't ending, it's love that I'm sending to you

It isn't the love of a hero, and that's why I fear it won't do

And they say that a hero can save us
I'm not gonna stand here and wait
I'll hold on to the wings of the eagles
Watch as we all fly away

And they're watching us (Watching Us)
And they're watching us (Watching Us)
As we all fly away!

And they're watching us (Watching Us)
And they're watching us (Watching Us)
As we all fly away!

And they're watching us (Watching Us)
And they're watching us (Watching Us)
As we all fly away
Whoa, whoa

[ivankiss]

Hallelujah.

[ivankiss]

It's been a few moments... Thought I'd do a brief, little update.

Have not been feeling horny these days really... up until now. I'd fuck the living crap out of someone right now.

I'm in Italy, and there's a big chance I might stay here for this next chapter of mine. Women are ridiculously hot here. I don't know where to look. I definitely want an Italian girlfriend, or a fuck buddy. But... There's other stuff that requires my attention now. 

Finance before romance. 

- I learned that lesson the hard way.

 

[ivankiss]

Lots of ethnic diversity in this city. Fucking awesome. I'd definitely love to hook up with an asian or a black girl. It would be a first time.

[ivankiss]

A girl just asked me out on a date. Wut.

She's not a model, but she's not bad-looking, either. Big boobs and even bigger ass. Very juicy. Pretty cute.

I still have a lot on my mind, and I don't really feel like dating... but I could definitely bust a nut. It's been a few days...

I might go with it.

[ivankiss]

Also; I already got a few bonkers hot tinder matches in this city. Oh man... The fun I will have here...

[ivankiss]

In our hot bar with little dude and a few more young, hot people. It's quite a busy night. 

I'm back to SLO to pick up my stuff. Moving to Italy fully tomorrow. Man... What a fucking ride. What a life.

There's tons of emotions in the air. We really bonded in this period  while I was here. But... this is not our last goodbye, I'm pretty sure. Our paths will most certainly cross somewhere down the line.

Serbian Beauty is with another dude at her place atm. Lol. So usual. So her.

She might or might not join us later. Not gonna lie; I'd really like to see her before I leave. But I ain't counting on smashing. I've got a long day ahead of me tomorrow. Not planning on going all the way tonight.

Fuckin' good times man!

[ivankiss]

Heading home with little dude. He's sleeping over at my place. But, not before we stop by Serbian Beauty's place and say goodbye.

It's gonna be tight. I must get up 8 in the morning and pack.

Fucking hell man!

 

[Barbara]

On 01/09/2021 at 3:57 PM, ivankiss said:

Note to self:

Maybe I should consider mature women more seriously. Plenty of gorgeous women in their 40s in this city. My life could be much easier with a sugar momma lol. + it should be a very fun experience.

Ahah I kid you not. I haven’t even read this before. Magic it is!

[ivankiss]

@Barbara ?❤

[ivankiss]

Guess who is stopping by my place do say goodbye?!

Fucking J - that's who! 

She's gonna be here any minute now. A fucking perfect closure to this chapter!

[ivankiss]

@Knowledge Hoarder There is some truth to that, but it's not the entire truth 

I'm leaving the city this instance, so we won't be hanging out for a long while. If ever.

We had great times.