Sex Diary

[Etherial Cat]

14 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I agree with this. Maybe I'm lucky but every time I was approached by a man who was significantly older, when I told them my age, they backed the fuck up and got out of there. As they should. But yeah, there are plenty of shady guys out there and you can't really blame a lot of women for feeling like they have to be on guard. 

Yeah. And as a girl who've been through that, you get a clear picture of what type of men are left over. And when a guy enter that glorious club, you can't help but assimilate him the whole pool and be like "ew", "you're that type of guy?  

16 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I had a couple friends who I grew up with in high school when we were 16/17 ish and they would hang out with some guys who were in their early 20s. And now that we are approaching that same age, we realize how weird that is and how it wasn't appropriate. Because we can't imagine doing something similar at our age. 

Yes, exactly. And it gets more disturbing whenever you see age gap and power dynamics far wider as you get older. 

The thing is, in 99% of the cases, there is no reason for them to date so young but for a wish for control and sex.

At my age, thinking of having sex with a 20 year old guy makes me uneasy.

Physically, you can see that they aren't done growing up and it reflect well their psyche and overall development level. What kicks in is a desire to protect them and help them grow.  So thinking of a full grown adult using them as sex objects feels really gross.

[Etherial Cat]

46 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Since I'm not in my mid 20s, I don't know what's normal at age. I'd imagine if I were 26, anything younger than 22 might be a little weird. 18/19 is still basically a teenager and you're not really an adult at that age emotionally/mentally even though you're legally considered one. 

And idk where you live and I don't think it has to do with location rather it has more to do with the specific social circle you're in. I know that there are women my age (and younger) having sex with guys who are much older. Like I know that's a thing and I'm 1000% sure it happens in my area. But as far as my social circle goes, there isn't anyone like that. 

Also, I don't think it has to do with how you treat them rather it's the power dynamic that is just inherently sketchy. Sure you might not be treating them as bad but it's still weird. 

That said, I don't think it's weird to be attracted to someone physically if they're over 16/17 since a lot of people are physically developed at that age and as a result they aren't really that distinguishable (physically speaking) than people in their 20s. Like I'm pretty sure I've looked more or less the same since that age. But emotionally/psychologically speaking, to me they stick out like a sore thumb because one conversation with them, you will more or less get an idea of how old they are and what stage of life they are. And for me, that's enough to feel repulsed, idk about other people though.  

Yeah, absolutely.

59 minutes ago, ivankiss said:

Do you guys think 18/19 is still too young for a 26yr old dude?

Talking about sex, only. Not a relationship.

If yes; then I guess I'm a bit pedo lol. Guilty of having sex with two 19 year olds, recently.

I know this is a pretty delicate topic, but whatever, I'll be direct.

I don't know where do you guys live, but here, girls that age are mostly hooking up with guys in their mid twenties. Or older. Sometimes, much older.

My thoughts are; either she has sex with me and I make her feel like she's in heaven, treat her with respect and kindness... Or I reject her, she goes and finds another older dude and fucks him. And he might not treat her as I would. He could easily abuse her, hurt her, etc. In fact; mostly likely - that's what would happen.

So yeah, 17 is too young... But where do you draw the line, and why?

I guess it depends on countries and cultural norms as you said. 

Where I am located it would not be seen so well. Usually, at 19 you're graduating highschool, so that's still very young. And people tend to stay amongst their age group when it comes to dating.  Also, you'll get mocked if you date someone seen as "old" by your peers. 

Personally, I draw the line wherever I don't get any doubts about the morality of something. If I have a doubt, I'll pass my turn. What is reassuring is that they aren't falling into a bad guy with you. So that's very fortunate. But you're the exception, not the standard.

Around 26, I don't recall factually resonating much with people under 24, nor above let's say 29. But I do think that until 22 it's rather fair. What is often done to calculate whether something is appropriate or not is to calculate half your age + 7. So if you're 26, you shouldn't date below 20.  Sounds about fair to me.  

Edited August 4, 2021 by Etherial Cat

[ivankiss]

@Etherial Cat I hear ya.

But here's the thing... if I do get an opportunity with a 19 or even 18yr old, I'll probably do it. At least in this phase of my life... I can see how long term that could be an issue... but I think I've got nothing to fear in a few months of adventures. If there's anyone who can regret anything down the line here, it's me. 

Another way to look at it.. if we look weird or inappropriate side by side, it's probably really inappropriate. But if we look like we could easily be in the same age group, I'd say it's not that weird, after all.

Like, my mother's boss is over 60 and he's dating a 24 year old. I find that far more disgusting and inappropriate than my case.

I also emphatize with any of your bad or traumatic experiences that you girls had in your teenage years... but that, at the end of the day, has nothing to do with me and my ways.

Would I consider a relationship with a girl that age? Absolutely not. I would not consider a relationship with most girls, at this point.

But would I have some casual fun time with them? Most likely, yup. Unless it's a special case and there's clearly something very wrong with how the girl is thinking.

Most of these younger girls just want a cool experience. A guy who knows how to make them feel what they fantasize about. That's all.

Some are looking for their daddies, too... But that's a whole new level of fucked up.

[ivankiss]

Another huge reason; a lot of girls from 24 onwards are already looking for a 'serious' relationship and are not into hookups, really.

So yeah, as I said, I'd prefer from 19 upwards. 21 sounds the best to me. But that does not mean an 18 year old might not slip through.

And of course; I've got nothing against women in their 30s, either. I'm all open for that. It's just that they're not, usually. They're too occupied thinking about kids, house, mortgage... the usual stuff.

[ivankiss]

Better yet, girls in their mid twenties are into guys in their 30s, or older.

Truth is, rarely any girl is dating a guy her own age. 

[ivankiss]

Silly numbers... they got my head spinning for a moment there.

No joke, sometimes it's hard for me to identify as any age. Do I feel 26, 27? I guess, I don't know... Do I seem like it? You tell me.

Sometimes, I feel like I have enough wisdom and clarity to parent 40+ year old people. Let alone my peers. And other times I feel like I'm a 12 year old girl, on the inside. So yeah. Fuck all that crap. It might work and be relevant as a guiding system for others, but I think I'm way past that point.

I could operate from a state of giving absolutely zero fucks about how I'm being perceived and how my words and actions are being interpreted. Sometimes, that's very liberating. And incredibly fun, too.

But... I do realize that I'm a 'part of society', too. And that I'm sucking on its tits. Hence I must consider certain things.

What I'm looking for... is that perfect, healthy balance. Between not giving a crap and being considerate and reasonable.

My moral compass/integrity... is completely independent of society and untouched by what anyone thinks. It's private.

Yet... there are consequences. I am aware of that.

[ivankiss]

@modmyth Hear ya. Thanks for sharing that.

It has been happening since forever. Girls, you cannot deny you fantasized of older guys when you were teens. And guys, you cannot deny there's something special about a younger girl. 

I honestly do believe such a relationship can be healthy and functional. Maybe somewhat limiting, but still. But of course; more often than not - it's not going to be healthy. It's going to be toxic and nasty. But guess what, people survive, learn and grow, even from that. Nearly every girl I ever talked to had a handful of weird experiences when it comes to sex/relationships. So much so, it's kinda normalized.

So who's crazy here? I really can't tell anymore. Either we all are, or none of us is.

My boss is known for regularly hitting on girls that age. 18, 19... Maybe even younger. He's pretty open about it, too. Does not seem to hide it. Every fucking girl that worked at our place told me she was harassed by him. But, eventually, he backs off, if the girl has strong boundaries and can show some teeth. He's even been to court for stuff like that, I heard. But it's like nothing happened. Money talks.

He's 45. Has a daughter that's 18. And he regularly hits on girls that age, hard. 

Now that's kinda sick. Even for a chillaxed dude like me.

A brilliant movie comes to mind related to this topic... I remember loving it back in the day. I might re-watch it, one of these days.

It's called 'American Beauty'. 

Absolutely love this soundtrack:

Such a masterpiece! So delicate, so light, so beautiful. Pure magic.

Edited August 4, 2021 by ivankiss

[ivankiss]

Note to self:

Man... It's about fucking time you stop living life, walking on eggshells.

You do not owe an explanation to anyone. And you do not need to justify shit.

[Etherial Cat]

2 hours ago, ivankiss said:

I could operate from a state of giving absolutely zero fucks about how I'm being perceived and how my words and actions are being interpreted. Sometimes, that's very liberating. And incredibly fun, too.

But... I do realize that I'm a 'part of society', too. And that I'm sucking on its tits. Hence I must consider certain things.

What I'm looking for... is that perfect, healthy balance. Between not giving a crap and being considerate and reasonable.

My moral compass/integrity... is completely independent of society and untouched by what anyone thinks. It's private.

Yet... there are consequences. I am aware of that.

Hey, no worries, we like you anyway!  We're just having a theoretical discussion.

2 hours ago, ivankiss said:

Better yet, girls in their mid twenties are into guys in their 30s, or older.

Truth is, rarely any girl is dating a guy her own age. 

Yes, that's true. Often girls date older. But starting a point in their 20s the personality and experience level reach on average a level of maturity that makes it far less problematic.

The question here is more, are teenagers experienced enough to understand what they are doing? I personally don't judge them fully capable of taking decision the way I wish they would. I see it more like a question of courtesy to assume not and leave it there.

It's not far off from how contracts have different standards when a part is professional and the other one is a simple consumer. You don't have two equal parties. 

1 hour ago, ivankiss said:

It has been happening since forever. Girls, you cannot deny you fantasized of older guys when you were teens.

2-3 years older mostly, on my side. 

But perhaps the fact that my parents were born the same year has just made it the standard for me...

That said, until my mid 20s, I was so repulsed by the thought of aging that older guy were never an option as I just wasn't attracted to them. I was too afraid they'd suck the youth out of me and make me grow too fast, on top of other factors.

1 hour ago, ivankiss said:

 

A brilliant movie comes to mind related to this topic... I remember loving it back in the day. I might re-watch it, one of these days.

It's called 'American Beauty'. 

Absolutely love this soundtrack:

Such a masterpiece! So delicate, so light, so beautiful. Pure magic.

This movie is a master piece! It's a 10 on the script, on the aesthetic, the music, the acting...

But I don't know if you remember... at the end of the movie, Lester realizes Angela is only a child and his fantasies weren't rooted in actuality.

 

Edited August 4, 2021 by Etherial Cat

[soos_mite_ah]

1 hour ago, ivankiss said:

My boss is known for regularly hitting on girls that age. 18, 19... Maybe even younger. He's pretty open about it, too. Does not seem to hide it. Every fucking girl that worked at our place told me she was harassed by him. But, eventually, he backs off, if the girl has strong boundaries and can show some teeth. He's even been to court for stuff like that, I heard. But it's like nothing happened. Money talks.

He's 45. Has a daughter that's 18. And he regularly hits on girls that age, hard. 

Yikes.... I don't even know this guy but I'm glad I'm like a thousand miles away from him.

1 hour ago, ivankiss said:

It has been happening since forever. Girls, you cannot deny you fantasized of older guys when you were teens. And guys, you cannot deny there's something special about a younger girl. 

Yeah, no doubt a lot of women (and even men) have fantasized about someone much older. I think part of it is natural because a lot of time age is correlated with self confidence and having things in order with your life and gives this older person an admirable/aspirational quality. I think for women specifically, from a young age you are told that you mature faster than boys. And a lot of predators use the whole "you're mature for your age" as a manipulation tactic to make you feel special and play into the assumptions that are already in society. I actually don't think women inherently mature faster than men but we're socialized to take responsibility and be mindful of our own actions from a young age and we can't get away with behaviors that men can indulge in much later in life.  

And when it comes to pursuing younger girls, I think a lot of it also has to do with the way society and media puts so much pressure on women to be youthful and tends present a submissive role (I'm talking in a relationship dynamic not in sex) as something sexy. You can probably point to a lot of beauty standards and see that they are low key pedophiliac. Sometimes the fetishization of youth is to disturbing levels like with the whole school girl in uniform fantasy. Plus you have things like "barely legal" porn being extremely popular. 

1 hour ago, modmyth said:

To be fair, when you're a teenager, it's your age or older (or maybe 1-2 years younger at the very most). Now that I'm a bit older, I've been open to younger for a while, and there a number of things about younger men that I significantly prefer (if I was to generalize). But there's negative stigmas about women who date significantly younger men as well. (Oh well.) There is the tendency to assume that something wrong with you if you're serious about the relationship especially, and it's not just casual/ sexual in nature.

Fresher and more vital energy (in more than one way) and outlook being a major one; it just feels better to be around. I find it hard to take it really personally when men are attracted to younger women for the same reason, which is actually a reason beyond the physicality of it, since I guess I'm not much different. Some people just say it's an attraction to naivety and young looking bodies; I don't think it's just that, though it often is a factor.

I don't think there is inherently wrong with an age gap. I can see it play out in a healthy way, given that both parties are full on adults and support themselves independently and are in similar places in their life as far as development goes. But generally speaking, when you're under 25ish, your frontal lobe isn't fully developed and you are going through a lot of changes emotionally as well as your life circumstance. Like as far as development, there a huge difference between being 19 and being 25 but there isn't as big of a difference when it comes to 29 and 35. It isn't so much about the number as it is about life stages. 

[Etherial Cat]

1 hour ago, modmyth said:

Hm. I wonder how his daughter feels about that, if she knows.

To be fair, when you're a teenager, it's your age or older (or maybe 1-2 years younger at the very most). Now that I'm a bit older, I've been open to younger for a while, and there a number of things about younger men that I significantly prefer (if I was to generalize). But there's negative stigmas about women who date significantly younger men as well. (Oh well.) There is the tendency to assume that something wrong with you if you're serious about the relationship especially, and it's not just casual/ sexual in nature.

Fresher and more vital energy (in more than one way) and outlook being a major one; it just feels better to be around. I find it hard to take it really personally when men are attracted to younger women for the same reason, which is actually a reason beyond the physicality of it, since I guess I'm not much different. Some people just say it's an attraction to naivety and young looking bodies; I don't think it's just that, though it often is a factor.

Aww. You "cougar"!  

No, seriously. It's normal to be attracted to people in their physical prime. I think the reason why you are now attracted to younger people now is because a lot of male are very handsome between 25 and 30. Before that, these people just used to be your own age. We were born around the same time, you and I, I think?

So ,en are physically attracted to young female and that's normal. And female are physically attracted to handsome young men and that's normal too.

I think also, as one gets older you get attracted of what you feel you don't have anymore. If you miss your youth, your attraction and value for younger people might even increase. It seems that a lot of older men were operating from this paradigm.

And you're right when you say that some people get older without even turning better. 

 

[ivankiss]

I've never actually dated girls way outside my age group. I mean; been in relationship with them.

All of my exes were a year or two younger than me. So it's not like I'm used to going for way younger girls.

Since my last relationship I've been with two 19yr olds, and then a few years ago I had sex with a woman in her early 30s. That's as crazy as I went, so far.

Keep in mind... This is still about exploration and experimentation. Like, a lot. The emphasis is hard on trying out new things. But in a responsible and harmless way.

[ivankiss]

Now that I think about it... it would be very cool to have an experience with a more mature woman. Like 40 to 45ish. I'd be very, very down for that.

Might start putting in some effort. I'm sure there are a few ladies out there, thirsty of young men in their prime.

[Roy]

8 minutes ago, ivankiss said:

Now that I think about it... it would be very cool to have an experience with a more mature woman. Like 40 to 45ish. I'd be very, very down for that.

Might start putting in some effort. I'm sure there are a few ladies out there, thirsty of young men in their prime.

40+ year olds, and especially 50+ year olds really know what they are doing in the bedroom. So if you can find the right one.... oh boy lol. The best blowie I ever had was from a woman I met in the grocery store (not at the store mind you). I was 23 at the time I think she was 42. She made a mockery of my usual stamina lmao, bitch.

I've always had a bit of a soft spot for women a little older than me. They are just more sure of themselves and more chill overall. Just my experience.

I would recommend giving it a shot.

 

[ivankiss]

@Roy Yes sir! I hear you loud and clear! 

On it.

[soos_mite_ah]

6 minutes ago, modmyth said:

Are you just talking about dating/ LTRs or also sexual relationships as well?

1 hour ago, Etherial Cat said:

I was mainly talking about dating / LTRs. When it comes to only sex, I feel like there is more of a gray zone depending on how mindful people are on the dynamics and how each party handles the over all situation. It feels more like a warning label to tread with caution rather than a red flag saying abort mission. Tbh, when it comes to just sexual relationships, I'm going to be completely honest and say that I'm not super sure and that I'm still figuring out my own intuition and opinions on things. But yeah, that's just my gut reactions. 

[ivankiss]

@Preety_India Gotcha. Thanks.

[ivankiss]

@Preety_India Thank you. I really appreciate your thoughts and words of encouragement.

But here's the thing... I do not want to portray myself here as a saint, or anything.

I'm not trying to be Jesus while picking up girls. That would be stupid. I am well aware what kind of an environment I live in. And in that sense, I am merely adjusting to it. Do I have a selfish reason, an agenda? Absolutely, yes. I am totally after what I want here. And what I feel like is best for me. Relevant, beneficial, etc. But that does not mean I'd go as far as to hurt or abuse anyone, in order to meet my needs and wants. I deeply respect and honor everyone's free will. Yes, there are gray areas and I might take advantage of those, but I assure you; no harm will be done to anyone.

When it comes to sex and relationships, I think we'd all disagree on a lot of stuff. And that's totally cool. There is, as always, nothing wrong with anything, from the Absolute point of view. But I like adding to that, just in case it's not common sense to someone, that that does not mean one has a licence to violate one's free will in any way. Especially not through means of aggression.

So, am I being absolutely 100% pure and angelic in my ways here? Not at all. I have an online sex diary, hello. I obviously enjoy some freaky stuff here and there. I'm actually often very surprised how close minded this forum is, regarding a lot of topics, but especially when it comes to sex and relationships. Which is, naturally, all just joyful exploration. There are no rules, folks.

[ivankiss]

@Preety_India kisskiss

I did not mean to sound too harsh or anything. Obviously, I love this place and it totally rocks. And the ways in which we all connect and grow here is beyond epic.

It's just that, you know, I express all kinds of stuff and it can be interpreted in all kinds of ways. And sometimes that can be a bit frustrating. But, of course, it's also beautiful.

Regarding free will, I wanted to say, that just because one comes to a realization, or even simply comes across the idea of there not being anything ever wrong - from the Absolute point of view - that does not mean one should go out and start raping and murdering people. Some might twist teachings in order to live out their wild fantasies. There are many cases with gurus, priests, cult leaders, even politicians, and so on. The devil loves taking high truths or laws and twisting those so that they serves his agenda.

I'm guilty of that too, mildly, to some ok extant. And if you ask me; we all are. It's but a stage we go through, at one point or another.

In short; if you want to do A and another person wants to do B... if you force that person or manipulate them into doing A... You are violating their freedom of choice.

[ivankiss]

@Preety_India Be blessed.

And stay horny