Sex Diary

[Zeroguy]

@Etherial Cat Cheating=having sex with another guy/girl. What else. 

Hanging out is not cheating. 

I just demand respect and, I really give it back, from my partner and that excludes all sorts of possible behaivor on her side in that regard. She is quite aware of that. Every woman I've been with was. Mostly because woman are really good at reading man and just by me being me she knows what she can or can't do. 

[ivankiss]

42 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

I'd say, we experience numerous small deaths throughout life and the more the heart is involved in them, the worse is the grief.

So very true. So very painful. But wow the benefits.

43 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

I've had some of the moment you've described. And its not for nothing that the heart is named the Anahata (the undefeated), because each times it breaks, it gives it an opportunity to rise and expend.  I think that's what you've been referring to especially, here? 

Precisely 

46 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

It doesn't look like you're in a dangerous emotional place as you seem to be already looking forward to get with other girls. That's not really a space or mindset that will show deep hurt- at least as of now.

But yes, stopping will most likely be painful. Seems like you guys are having a lot of highs as of now... And well, life ain't only that. I'd be impressed if both of you manage to keep it classy until the end. 

 

I hear ya. And I agree.

I'm happy that I'm not getting too attached to J. She is absolutely wonderful. But that doesn't mean other girls are not wonderful too. They each have their special, unique vibe and flavour. Their unique story.  

I'm excited about meeting and connecting with more girls. Spending deep, meaningful, memorable, fun, quality time with them.

That being said; I'd much rather see things to end sooner and in a nice, chill way than wait until it's way to late and inevitably cause drama. Unnecessary pain and confusion.

So yeah. That's what I'm kinda aiming for here, in this phase of my life. As with everything - it's only a matter of being conscious enough. Then it's totally doable - I'd say. Smooth and easy, even.

Thanks for adding your thoughts, btw. I like how you think 

[Etherial Cat]

45 minutes ago, ivankiss said:

I'm happy that I'm not getting too attached to J. She is absolutely wonderful. But that doesn't mean other girls are not wonderful too. They each have their special, unique vibe and flavour. Their unique story.  

I'm excited about meeting and connecting with more girls. Spending deep, meaningful, memorable, fun, quality time with them.

It's really lovely to hear you talk about here that way. But my thought is that this is exactly where is might hurt.

The Feminine needs to feel unique in the eyes of a man. Nature design it exactly that way. And nothing hurts more than opening up, being tried and then.. well, let down for another female.

At least, this is how it is for me. Even though each women have their unique vibe and flavor, what you want is your unique vibe and flavor to stick with the guy. 

51 minutes ago, ivankiss said:

That being said; I'd much rather see things to end sooner and in a nice, chill way than wait until it's way to late and inevitably cause drama. Unnecessary pain and confusion.

So yeah. That's what I'm kinda aiming for here, in this phase of my life. As with everything - it's only a matter of being conscious enough. Then it's totally doable - I'd say. Smooth and easy, even.

Yep. Good luck with navigating this. I'm hoping for the best. 

54 minutes ago, ivankiss said:

Thanks for adding your thoughts, btw. I like how you think 

Hehe thanks. Ditto! 

[ivankiss]

1 hour ago, Etherial Cat said:

The Feminine needs to feel unique in the eyes of a man. Nature design it exactly that way. And nothing hurts more than opening up, being tried and then.. well, let down for another female.

I hear you.

Be honest - do you think I made J feel special and unique? Do you think she felt loved?

It's not like I stopped by, took a piece of the pie and moved on. I invested fully into the experience. Not gonna say exactly the same way I would with a girl I'd like to be in a relationship with... but pretty damn close. 

What will spare us both of a lot of pain is the fact that we communicated honestly and openly from the get go. No one was being led on or manipulated. If that was the case and then I simply ditched her out of nowhere; that would be a major dick move.

I'd say living this ('fuckboi') lifestyle and also being a decent, honest and respectful person is a bit challenging. It's a form of art.

I could easily lie into a face of hundreds of women. Perhaps I'd even get laid more often that way. But that's really not my game. Not the way I roll. 

One of the main reasons I don't have a problem with attracting and maintaining female attention is just that... Honesty. Respect. Being straight forward. But also fun, exciting, mysterious, different. That's kinda my whole thing.

If I try to fake anything... it usually ends up being a fail. Very cringy.

1 hour ago, Etherial Cat said:

At least, this is how it is for me. Even though each women have their unique vibe and flavor, what you want is your unique vibe and flavor to stick with the guy. 

Yes, but is there no room for exploration and experimentation? I assume you don't settle for the first guy that sticks around?

It's all a big play - the way I see it. A dance of love. Yes, we get hurt here and there, but we quickly bounce back on our feet and continue dancing.

Also; don't think men don't get played and hurt by women. On a daily basis. Everything from ghosting, flaking, lying, attention and validation seeking, financial exploitation, etc. Lots of nasty shit some women do to men.

So yeah... in my eyes; both 'sides' can be real fucked up sometimes and harm each-other bad. So let's not do that, and play safe and clean. Communicate our needs and wishes, and if everything clicks - dive in deep.

That sounds pretty fair and healthy to me.

1 hour ago, Etherial Cat said:

Yep. Good luck with navigating this. I'm hoping for the best. 

Thanks! Will update you guys on the matter.

Edited July 4, 2021 by ivankiss

[ivankiss]

Ok... J is asking me out to the movies tonight. 

That alone might be a bit over the line for me... but that's not all. Her friend and her boyfriend are supposed to come, too.

That's way too much.

I'd consider a date... but no double-dates - for sure. Let's see how she handles the rejection...

[Hulia]

18 minutes ago, ivankiss said:

Ok... J is asking me out to the movies tonight. 

That alone might be a bit over the line for me... but that's not all. Her friend and her boyfriend are supposed to come, too.

That's way too much.

I'd consider a date... but no double-dates - for sure. Let's see how she handles the rejection...

Let´s see how you´ll handle a rejection, when she doesn´t come into your bedroom

[ivankiss]

@Hulia I'd probably be sad a bit and then masturbate furiously.

[Hulia]

16 minutes ago, ivankiss said:

@Hulia I'd probably be sad a bit and then masturbate furiously.

I also recommend you to take alcohol.

[ivankiss]

@Hulia Not my style, thanks.

[Hulia]

8 minutes ago, ivankiss said:

@Hulia Not my style, thanks.

What a pity! I hoped, you get drunk and call her and say her, how much you love her. 

[Zeroguy]

Just now, Hulia said:

What a pity! I hoped, you get drunk and call her and say her, how much you love her. 

Just stop,please stop.Save that for me .Don't spend it.Lets ignite passion.

[ivankiss]

@Hulia Haha, that's cute.

But I think I'm too proud to do that. 

[Etherial Cat]

2 hours ago, ivankiss said:

Ok... J is asking me out to the movies tonight. 

That alone might be a bit over the line for me... but that's not all. Her friend and her boyfriend are supposed to come, too.

That's way too much.

I'd consider a date... but no double-dates - for sure. Let's see how she handles the rejection...

I think it's possible that she's not managing to handle her side of the deal. She maybe didn't realize what she was getting herself into. Perhaps she's already taken by emotions?

--

When you start a new relationship, there is no "past" to it. You are usually on the same page. Conflicts have not arisen. .

The problems start to kick in when you get emotional/intellectual distance. And it happens mostly because both subjectivity are not at the same place and some events, actions or discussion highlight it. And there is little to do against it but to talk and solve the gap.

If I were you I would ask her about how she feels about you and if she's got this aspect under control. Because asking you on a double date tonight sounds like she's suggesting to turn you from fuck buddy to boyfriend...

 

[Etherial Cat]

13 hours ago, ivankiss said:

I hear you.

Be honest - do you think I made J feel special and unique? Do you think she felt loved?

It's not like I stopped by, took a piece of the pie and moved on. I invested fully into the experience. Not gonna say exactly the same way I would with a girl I'd like to be in a relationship with... but pretty damn close. 

Yes and no. You said it yourself: you're giving her a lot but not all.

But it seems enough to have opened her up and probably hooked her without realizing it. And she seems to have been pretty smitten by the whole experience. I'd say that it's likely that she has surrender to you "in trust" while having sex (which is what the Feminine craves) and now she might feel betrayed by you not choosing to commit. Because she'll seek this surrender and safety from you all over the place.

So I think you've made her felt special and unique and loved at some point in time. But she'll feel soon like she isn't so safe with you because she'll get that you're not into sticking with her. And that's when she'll be feeling totally unspecial to you.

13 hours ago, ivankiss said:

What will spare us both of a lot of pain is the fact that we communicated honestly and openly from the get go. No one was being led on or manipulated. If that was the case and then I simply ditched her out of nowhere; that would be a major dick move.

The different between words, goodwill and reality can be quite wide.

Also, if a problem arise it will be more due to the fact that one part didn't have the capacity to cope with the term of the deal.

13 hours ago, ivankiss said:

I'd say living this ('fuckboi') lifestyle and also being a decent, honest and respectful person is a bit challenging. It's a form of art.

I could easily lie into a face of hundreds of women. Perhaps I'd even get laid more often that way. But that's really not my game. Not the way I roll. 

One of the main reasons I don't have a problem with attracting and maintaining female attention is just that... Honesty. Respect. Being straight forward. But also fun, exciting, mysterious, different. That's kinda my whole thing.

If I try to fake anything... it usually ends up being a fail. Very cringy.

Absolutely. Women smell this type of energy. They see your emotional intelligence. If you'd do a 180° on that, you'd lose both yourself and add a layer of distance and dishonesty which would separate you from being intimate with women I think.

13 hours ago, ivankiss said:

Yes, but is there no room for exploration and experimentation? I assume you don't settle for the first guy that sticks around?

No I don't...

...but I'm totally caught off guard by this question. I need to reflect on how this should all work from a female perspective. 

13 hours ago, ivankiss said:

It's all a big play - the way I see it. A dance of love. Yes, we get hurt here and there, but we quickly bounce back on our feet and continue dancing.

Also; don't think men don't get played and hurt by women. On a daily basis. Everything from ghosting, flaking, lying, attention and validation seeking, financial exploitation, etc. Lots of nasty shit some women do to men.

So yeah... in my eyes; both 'sides' can be real fucked up sometimes and harm each-other bad. So let's not do that, and play safe and clean. Communicate our needs and wishes, and if everything clicks - dive in deep.

That sounds pretty fair and healthy to me.

 

I can't agree more with each words

--

PS: I'm not feeling comfortable with giving my opinion on J like she's a case study. I don't want to influence your judgment nor seed unrightfully ideas in your mind. It feels a bit like a feminine betrayal to spill my analysis on this girl knowing that I am rather pessimistic when it comes to sex friends.

[ivankiss]

1 hour ago, Etherial Cat said:

I think it's possible that she's not managing to handle her side of the deal. She maybe didn't realize what she was getting herself into. Perhaps she's already taken by emotions?

Yeah... I was aware all along that was a possibility. If I'm honest; I was kinda afraid of that happening.

But it's no surprise, really. It would be silly to assume everyone is on my level and handles their stuff the same way. It's just not realistic.

So far I'm not entirely clear on what's going on within her mind and heart. She's kinda playing the enigmatic role. But I can kinda see through it.

46 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

But it seems enough to have opened her up and probably hooked her without realizing it. And she seems to have been pretty smitten by the whole experience. I'd say that it's likely that she has surrender to you "in trust" while having sex (which is what the Feminine craves) and now she might feel betrayed by you not choosing to commit. Because she'll seek this surrender and safety from you all over the place.

Ouch...

Well, if that's really the case, then I guess that's just the price we pay for the experience. I cannot make this more convenient or safe. We are having sex. Not getting married. I think the difference is obvious. 

I understand this is, in that sense, out of her control. If she falls hard - she falls hard. Not much she can do about it. It's just how love is.

But that's why we also must be wise. Not only loving. It's good to know when and where to draw the line.

56 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

So I think you've made her felt special and unique and loved at some point in time. But she'll feel soon like she isn't so safe with you because she'll get that you're not into sticking with her. And that's when she'll be feeling totally unspecial to you.

Why can't they all be special and unique to me? 

57 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

The different between words, goodwill and reality can be quite wide.

That's deep.

And I get the point. But again; I do not see how I could've made this any more convenient, open, honest and clear.

I was aware of all this before going down that road. I knew the risks.

59 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

Also, if a problem arise it will be more due to the fact that one part didn't have the capacity to cope with the term of the deal.

Well, yeah. This is where I'm being The Devil, I guess. Because I'm aware not everyone is deeply in touch with themselves. Not everyone knows themselves well.

But can you blame me? I want to live fully. To embrace life fully. To explore and experience all kinds of stuff. I cannot think for two, all the time. Thinking for myself only is challenging enough sometimes lol.

We should all take care of our own needs in our own ways. I'm not violating anyone's free will. That's what's most important to me. The number one rule in all my interactions.

1 hour ago, Etherial Cat said:

...but I'm totally caught off guard by this question. I need to reflect on how this should all work from a female perspective. 

Do let me know when you reach a conclusion 

1 hour ago, Etherial Cat said:

PS: I'm not feeling comfortable with giving my opinion on J like she's a case study. I don't want to influence your judgment nor seed unrightfully ideas in your mind. It feels a bit like a feminine betrayal to spill my analysis on this girl knowing that I am rather pessimistic when it comes to sex friends.

That's smart, I guess. Thanks.

Anyhow...

J and I are meeting in less than an hour. I'm sure we'll talk things out. I'm a bit nervous... But also excited. Let's see what happens.

Rock on, baby!

 

[Hulia]

1 hour ago, ivankiss said:

I'm not violating anyone's free will. That's what's most important to me. The number one rule in all my interactions.

It also relates to me. In both direction. I couldn´t stay in a relationship with a jealous guy, and I would never restrict him of anything either. So should I wonder, that I had this strange kind of relationships? Yes!!!! Because if I am not jealous, it doesn´t mean, he should think of other women with me. And! If I want to have my freedoms, it doesn´t mean, I am going to use them!

[Etherial Cat]

1 hour ago, ivankiss said:

Yeah... I was aware all along that was a possibility. If I'm honest; I was kinda afraid of that happening.

But it's no surprise, really. It would be silly to assume everyone is on my level and handles their stuff the same way. It's just not realistic.

So far I'm not entirely clear on what's going on within her mind and heart. She's kinda playing the enigmatic role. But I can kinda see through it.

Yeah. Totally. That's the major issue.

Maybe help some of the people around you by sending their way some self-help content. But even with that it will take years without guarentee of much result.

1 hour ago, ivankiss said:

Ouch...

Well, if that's really the case, then I guess that's just the price we pay for the experience. I cannot make this more convenient or safe. We are having sex. Not getting married. I think the difference is obvious. 

I understand this is, in that sense, out of her control. If she falls hard - she falls hard. Not much she can do about it. It's just how love is.

But that's why we also must be wise. Not only loving. It's good to know when and where to draw the line.

Yes. That's kind of what I'm thinking. The problem is that we get attached to great experiences and have issues to let them go.

Great sex is basically hitting the best notes of the relative when it comes to the dance of the masculine and the feminine. It's like our unbalances towards the opposite polarity gets reintegrated for a short while. Though, there is several layers of great sex and the most conscious one is, the more the two part merge into unity.

But basically- no. You can't make it safer, as you said.

I don't think it's materially possible to have great sex and then not let this energy spill over other life areas. Basically, the energy bounds you emotionally and wires you. Meh sex would be much easier to deal with tho. Lol 

1 hour ago, ivankiss said:

Well, yeah. This is where I'm being The Devil, I guess. Because I'm aware not everyone is deeply in touch with themselves. Not everyone knows themselves well.

But can you blame me? I want to live fully. To embrace life fully. To explore and experience all kinds of stuff. I cannot think for two, all the time. Thinking for myself only is challenging enough sometimes lol.

We should all take care of our own needs in our own ways. I'm not violating anyone's free will. That's what's most important to me. The number one rule in all my interactions.

We've all been here. I do plenty of devilish things. Mostly because I haven't found another way or the task exceed my resources or whatever. I'm still working on living a life of full integrity.

You don't seem to be the type that can handle hurting other people. So if the situation ever gets problematic and this is a recurring pattern, your intelligence will tell you stop like it has done other time for other stuff. Or maybe it will come with a self-deception mechanism to justify why it's okay. Lol

1 hour ago, ivankiss said:

Do let me know when you reach a conclusion 

Sure.  

[RendHeaven]

6 hours ago, ivankiss said:

@Hulia I'd probably be sad a bit and then masturbate furiously.

Lol I love you

[ivankiss]

All is well. She's in my bed already.

[ivankiss]

In short - here's what happened last night;

We met in a beautiful park. Had a nice little wall and talk. We cuddled and made out for a while.

Regarding the movies; she understood my point of view. As well as my concerns regarding us not being able to control our emotions.

She too would not like to see this end just yet. But she agrees it will be a bit painful when it does. It was a bit weird to talk about things ending... but I think it was necessary that we touched upon that and cleared the air.

Basically; I'm freaking out a bit too much - for nothing. Trying to micromanage things a bit too much, too hard.

I must relax more and trust that this will unfold in the best possible way. Simply enjoying the ride. 

There is already a lot of growth and expansion happening on both sides - I'd say. We're both learning stuff about ourselves as we go. I showed her a lot in a short period of time. And she, well, she made me feel a lot. She showed me plenty, too. Reminded me - if nothing else. Made me be in touch with a very significant part of myself again. I'm very grateful for that.

I still have the lead role in the dynamic. We both like it that way - I'd say. I have a lot more to show her. And she seems to be totally down for that...

Later on we went to my place again. Ate some good food, talked, listened to good music and had sex for at least two hours.

A bit more romance in the air again. It was less animalistic than last time. But we still went rough here and there.

We fucked twice during the night and once in the morning. I came 3 times. She came 5 or 6 times. 2 full-body orgasms. It was awesome. She was very surprised how hard she can actually cum. No one made her go that far before. 

My dick is kinda sore now. We agreed to take a short break. Two or three days.

All in all; things are looking good. I'm satisfied, happy and at peace. My balls all emptied out lol.

Life is good.