How to stop caring if other people are mad at me....

[RickyFitts]

17 hours ago, spinderella said:

 

Part of it also my relationship with money.  I have a lot of money saved, I make a lot of money at my job, I just do not really enjoy my life.  But I figure if I can make a lot of money next year, buy a few investment properties and launch my online course, I could have some passive income that would help me start my business. 

Could it be worthwhile for you to take a break from work for a period and focus on yourself full-time, if you've got money in the bank to cover bills? I know that might seem a bit drastic, but maybe it would be more beneficial in the long-run, rather than working jobs you don't like that just drain your energy?

Just a thought, obviously it might not be feasible for you for one reason or another. With regards to the fear you talked about, I can relate all too well unfortunately - I grew up with a parent who was quick to anger and it was very scarring for me as a sensitive child, I developed a real fear of upsetting people. That kind of thing can create a lot of trauma in your nervous system, and I know in my own experience that it's taken a lot of work to release that trauma as well as the underlying feelings of shame, guilt, anger, grief, etc. Meditating with the intention of simply allowing my body to relax and breathe really helped with that (yoga also helped when I was suffering with chronic anxiety), though it did take lots of discipline and patience.

[WaveInTheOcean]

Watch the wisdom of trauma. Great movie by the Pioneer Gabor Mate.

 

[spinderella]

@WaveInTheOcean Yes, it's 100% next on my list.  I've heard a lot about it and I love Gabor. 

11 hours ago, WaveInTheOcean said:

Watch the wisdom of trauma. Great movie by the Pioneer Gabor Mate.

 

 

[thombee]

Here's something that sometimes helps me as a people-pleaser, not sure if it will help with you but give it a go and test it.

Whenever I think, "omg what will he/she think of me?", instead of flinching at the thought, I go into it FULLY. I actually visualise myself as the other person. So for your boss example, I would imagine that I am the boss. So I see myself in third person delivering the news that I am going to quit. Then I notice how I (as the boss) feel in response to that news. 

If you're a people pleaser like me, you'll notice that usually whenever someone else inconveniences you, you never get angry but are always accomodating and pleasant about it, right? So with this visualisation trick, we leverage our people pleasing tendencies and put that ON the boss! So now as I am the boss, when I see myself handing in the resignation letter, as the boss I'm not mad but very understanding. 

I've tried this a couple times and it always seems to put me at ease. Give it a shot!
 

I'm so bad at explaining stuff, hopefully that made sense, lemme know if you need clarification.

[RickyFitts]

Great tip, @thombee, I thought you explained it really well