No Self caused by unbearable suffering.

[Endangered-EGO]

Hey, I got the Johnson vaccine 2 days ago and had a little bit of fever and a very bad headache. (Still worth it though, not antivaxx).

 

I was in my bed and couldn't sleep. What happened is I got so much carried away by the pain and suffering, that I just have no choice but to surrender, that type of surrender is impossible under normal circumstances or self-inflicting discomfort, because there's always a way out.

 

I then as usual realised that everything happens on it's own, but my ego, afraid of eternity then pulled me back by adding a layer, forcefully thinking. As a child when I was really sick I already experienced eternity and infinity, it was horrible. Horrible because eternity + suffering = hell.

 

Do you guys have an idea how to surrender "that much" without having to be in 'unbearable' pain?

Also, my ego is in control 24/7. I'm not sure if every non-enlightened person does that, but I am rarely in a state of flow and my attention is 24/7 on the false self. Except when driving then it's a little better.

I have experienced identifying as the higher self and everything happens on it's own a few times, I need to find a way to feel myself into it during the day. Does anyone has a method to do that? Best thing I found yet is shinzen Young's unified mindfulness practice.

 

No psychedelics please.

[Endangered-EGO]

I also notice that often when I am in thought or in flow, I stop to put my attention on the lower self instead of continuing to do stuff. Wtf is wrong with me.

[AdamR95]

@Endangered-EGO Surrender to not surreding. Trying too much to surrender will not help you to surrender, just observe you not surrending.

[mandyjw]

You surrender in those moments because you realize there's no other option, it's checkmate. In less dramatic situations, we resist the suffering, because we think there's a way out, so we think. 

3 hours ago, Endangered-EGO said:

Wtf is wrong with me.

This "WTF is wrong with me" self talk is what you want to question. This is the "lower self" if there is one at all, the one who beats up on the lower self is not the one with your best interests at heart, it is the lower self. In refusing to be the lower self it creates the concept of two, one inferior to the other. There are not two selves.