Went for the first time to a party - review

[fopylo]

I have journaled already about this so I don't want to feel like I'm repeating myself but I was nervous before going but luckily I went with a friend. This was a party which concludes the end of high-school (not the prom yet). I took like 3 shots overall before getting in. I was really confused and just stood at the sides and went out a few times, but slowly tried to get in by greeting people I know and trying to mimic their moves and laughed it off from embarrassment. Eventually the alcohol started kicking in and I felt very relaxed inside and I just started dancing and expressing myself through my body and it just felt so good, like I'm releasing something in me, practicing letting go. I was starting to really get into the center and wasn't giving a shit what people think about me. I was really happy that I decided to get out of my comfort zone and go (also I got to hug a girl and dance with another one and I just felt so calm in my mind about it).

Now I hear here and there that partying is not good and that you shouldn't spend your youth partying. This sounds quite wrong. I swear to god I feel like my consciousness levels kind of shot (although I was trippy) and I was very loving and playful with my environment. I was letting go, and expressing, just expressing. The effect it had on me later was quite huge. It's as if I got the ability to let go more easily, and that means letting my feelings express themselves and be without monitoring, more smoothly. It kind of reminds me of the effects from my first Shamanic Breathing exercise I did.

[Carl-Richard]

There is a reason people do it. It fulfills a deep need for ritual, community and social bonding, just in a Stage Orange format. Alcohol in this case is analogous to shamanic practices and entheogens.

Edited June 23, 2021 by Carl-Richard

[Mason Riggle]

@fopylo everything in moderation. Even water will kill you if you drink too much of it, but water isn't bad. Sounds like you had a great experience. 

[kinesin]

53 minutes ago, fopylo said:

Now I hear here and there that partying is not good and that you shouldn't spend your youth partying. This sounds quite wrong.

Some people get addicted to it.  I fell into that trap myself back in my early 20s and it becomes a pretty miserable time eventually.  If you do it too often, you start to see the darkness behind the fun.  I think you're right though, total abstinence isn't the way to go, but it can be tricky for some people to find proper moderation.

[meow_meow]

2 hours ago, fopylo said:

you shouldn't spend your youth partying

This sentence is missing one word, and that is "All" - 

You shouldn't spend all your youth partying. That is - party, socialize, experiment with sex, travel, meet people all you want, but have a purpose, a direction where you're heading to paralell to that.

It won't mean shit as long as you get where you're going.
When else are you going to party? You're only young once, just be carefull with drugs and ALWAYS WEAR A CONDOM.

[Rigel]

And you didnt feel sick at all the next morning? 

[fopylo]

@meow_meow I don't have a purpose, a life purpose yet. I also won't have time to find it as I've mentioned several times in different threads that I'm going for a pre-military camp for 6 months and then to the military for 2.5 years minimum, so I won't be so free to go and explore. As of now, my purpose is towards raising my consciousness and developing myself (like socially, fitness,..).

I hope that in those 3 years I'll be able to develop my social skills and hopefully have sex for the first time during this period

[fopylo]

@Carl-Richard

Yeah I feel you're right. It did fulfill a need for bonding, but the problem was that I don't really have a group of friends (very messy here and there, don't really belong somewhere) and so when I was entering groups I felt like they are closing in on me and was quite ignored. Mind you, this was my first time partying and I was already nervous, why make it more difficult for me, does the universe love that? After a while I started giving less of a shit what people think and I danced sometimes by myself, but I still wish people wouldn't ignore me like wtf.

If I do Shamanic Breathing before going to a party could it have similar effects? I'm afraid they are not very similar as I've heard Leo speak about the effects Shamanic breathing can have

[JonasVE12]

Cool, but if you need alcohol to 'let go' you're not really letting go. Rather numbing down on your own emotions and dissociating from them. That's what alcohol does. From hearing your story, it seems like there's a lot of fear inside of you. In your situation, going to parties and social events might be good because it allows you the potential to work on this fear. I wouldn't rely on alcohol and drugs to let go though. This is escapism. It's cool to see yourself letting go and embodied with confidence though. It lets you see that there's something amazing behind the wall of your supressed emotions. I remember taking MDMA at social events when I used to have severe social anxiety. No self-consciousness anymore. Pure confidence and self-love. And the connection with people was amazing. Let me realise how much potential there is inside of me if I would work towards that place but sober. 

[fopylo]

@Rigel

15 hours ago, Rigel said:

And you didnt feel sick at all the next morning?

No. Only took like 4 shots and a cup of beer

[fopylo]

@JonasVE12

Dude relax this was just my first time in a party, of course it was scary a bit. But also I didn't feel so dissociated, I know how it feels to dissociate. In fact I felt more loving and in the moment, truly amazing. And also, don't say as if I was escaping. Just going there was scary, and it was still out of my comfort zone even when I was dancing. I came back feeling so great that I did something outside of my comfort zone.

[JonasVE12]

@fopylo Yes dude , it's great to get out of your comfort zone and do things that are scary to you. Props to you. Alcohol or no alcohol, you still did it and congrats for that. 

Just saying that fundementally, it's more helpful to get out of your comfort zone while sober. It's more transformative that way. That's true letting go because you are forced to feel your emotions and you'll have a chance to be vulnerable and relax into them. When I say escapism & dissociating, it's what everyone does. They drink alcohol to get loose, remove shyness, nervousness and fear of judgement. But why can't we naturally let go and be expressive? Maybe getting out of your comfort zone while sober is more revealing & offers more opportunity to release. Just pointing that out as you said in a post in this thread that you are interested in improving social skills. Well...

 

[kinesin]

@JonasVE12 Stop imposing your own judgments onto OP.  If he wants to enjoy having a few drinks socially, there's nothing wrong with that whatsoever.

[JonasVE12]

@kinesin Dude, read between the lines. 

[fopylo]

@JonasVE12 Dude of course I know it, I think it is quite obvious but I'm not some child running into this shit. I know that without alcohol it would be more real and more transformative, but obviously my mind wasn't ready for that. You could say the same with - 'Why waste your time earning money, developing friendships, developing your confidence, going after your life purpose? Fuck all that, just go balls in on full enlightenment'. We know this will probably not happen. But those things in between are here for making the process less painful.

Tomorrow I'm going to a small party with a few kids and I know like half of them, not something so big, in fact kind of cringe. And next week I have the Prom of all my grade, which is supposed to be very fancy and out of my comfort zone. Both of them are out of my comfort zone and I believe I'll still drink. It makes it less embarrassing but it still required a leap of faith. I believe with time the alcohol will help me become comfortable and I'll take less and less in the future parties I'll go to

[meow_meow]

3 hours ago, fopylo said:

I don't have a purpose, a life purpose yet.

 

3 hours ago, fopylo said:

then to the military for 2.5 years minimum

May I ask - Why are you joining the military?

[JonasVE12]

@fopylo Fine my dude. Go party and have fun. Nothing wrong with that. Drinking alcohol is also fine. I'm just warning you for a common trap that is relying on alcohol to develop a social persona. There's another trajectory that you can take that will result in you being embodied with confidence, courage and self-love and does not depend on alcohol what so ever. It's easy to deceive yourself into thinking you're developing your social skills while under the influence of alcohol, only to find out later that you're still the same nervous person. But if you just wanna have fun, and let go, and don't really prioritize a most efficient route to mastery of social skills, then you're fine.

[Carl-Richard]

2 hours ago, JonasVE12 said:

When I say escapism & dissociating, it's what everyone does. They drink alcohol to get loose, remove shyness, nervousness and fear of judgement.

Not everybody who goes to a party and drinks alcohol is an insecure escapist (relatively speaking). It's a ritual, kinda like Ayahuasca ceremonies or any other tribal ritual. It's an elevated or "transcendental" experience compared to everyday life. Of course, there is a lot of social conformity involved in that, but that is Stage Purple for you  

[JonasVE12]

1 minute ago, Carl-Richard said:

Not everybody who goes to a party and drinks alcohol is an insecure escapist (relatively speaking). It's a ritual, kinda like Ayahuasca ceremonies or any other tribal ritual. It's an elevated or "transcendental" experience compared to everyday life. Of course, there is a lot of social conformity involved in that, but that is Stage Purple for you  

I agree. Not everyone, not even most, but many do. When you have a preoccupation of using alcohol before going to a party because you want to avoid the nervousness inside of you, that's typical avoidance/escape. I sometimes drink alcohol as well, but it comes more from feeling inspired to have the experience you mention. It's not driven by anxiety or worry.

[Carl-Richard]

3 hours ago, fopylo said:

 

Yeah I feel you're right. It did fulfill a need for bonding, but the problem was that I don't really have a group of friends (very messy here and there, don't really belong somewhere) and so when I was entering groups I felt like they are closing in on me and was quite ignored.

For your first few times, it helps to be with a group of friends unless nobody knows anybody else. You want to be on a level playing field. If that's not possible, the next best thing is to be with somebody that you've met before and have at least something in common with. If you try talking to a group of friends who don't know you at all, it of course becomes harder to join in unless they all preemptively make an effort to include you. For those situations, the only solution is practice.