What is the difference between being the bigger person, and being a door mat?

[Violet0723]

I struggle with the concept of knowing when to let it go and be the bigger person when I’m being mistreated. I feel like if I don’t stand up for myself and say something and let them know they’re hurting me, that I’m just being a door mat and letting them walk all over me.

I feel like letting go is almost, in a way, letting them get away with it. 

[Max_V]

I think this is by pure intuitive hunch. You have to listen to what your gut is telling you. 

A good question to help yourself get more in touch with this in such situations is:

”What would love do?” or if you have a doormat connotation with love, you can use: “What would truth/integrity do?”

Good luck, friend

[caspex]

If you are hurt and then you try to let it go, but it still bothers you later that you let yourself be a doormat then that means you are still hurt and you weren't able to completely let go. And if you can't let go then that's ok, don't feel bad about it. Be the bigger person when it is conducive to your ultimate bias(to have fun and explore). Let go only if you can. Letting go is just a practice to exercise that muscle and be able to let go bigger and bigger things. Why train this muscle? So ultimately you can let go of yourself. But until then, don't try to be a doormat in effort of trying to let go. If you feel like they are getting away with something when you let go, you aren't letting go, you are suppressing.

[MatteO22]

@Violet0723 that’s a great question. Spirituality or spiritual insight should never stand in the expression of when you feel hurt or mistreated. Saying something like ‘hey when you do that it hurts me emotionally and I’d appreciate if you could be more mindful about it’ is a statement of vulnerability and can be quite scary yet powerful.

 

Being a bigger person is more about letting go of the grudge, while still being able to hold that person accountable for their behaviour. E.g you don’t need to hold onto the pain and anger of someone’s mistreatment, to express your truth in a way that calls out or confronts their abuse. It’s never wrong to call out abuse, and it’s always right to process your feelings and forgive.

 

You can have both, healing, letting go and forgiveness, and firm boundaries that are crystal clear about other peoples actions. 

[hyruga]

 

You can read Letting go by David Hawkins. In there, there are specific techniques to help you work with your negativity.

[Nahm]

“What is the difference between being the bigger person….

The recognition you’re experiencing the adjacency of your own thoughts with feeling….

 and being a door mat?”

And the belief you’re feeling theirs. 

[Leo Gura]

A big person will never compromise on core values out of fear or a desire to please.

The doormat is attached and needy, the big person is detached and indifferent to human bullshit.

[diamondpenguin]

4 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

A big person will never compromise on core values out of fear or a desire to please.

The doormat is attached and needy, the big person is detached and indifferent to human bullshit.

Now's that's some real practical shit. I've that version of Leo. The Love takes no shit Leo. Love doesn't tolerate bullshit.