He called me stupid

[Preety_India]

11 minutes ago, Zeroguy said:

Honestly with such your behaivor I will myself dump you immediatelly. 

I'm aware that sometimes I act stupid

But I can't expect myself to be perfectly sane.

I'm only Human. 

I can't guarantee that I will always be wise. 

I can be erratic. 

I'm just trying to be honest with myself. I don't like to put on a show.

 

I would rather have a guy dump me for being who I am than accept me for being someone that I am not.

Thanks for being honest with me.

[Nahm]

On 6/20/2021 at 6:36 PM, Preety_India said:

He is my potential date. I kinda like him…. I told him I  would do everything in the world for him.  I told him I'll give up my life for him.

Give The Six Pillars of Self Esteem a read, I think you’ll be glad you did. 

In truth one never feels the being called stupid, only the resonance of agreement (or not). When not, it’s readily seen as name calling; discord which belongs to the caller, never the called. 

Daily morning meditation to get some space around the thought attachment. 

Spiral Dynamics to understand the transcend-able ‘blue’ of ‘other than yourself’ authority. 

[Gregory1]

You are behaving in a VERY NEEDY way, can you see that? @Preety_India

Behaving the way you do indicates that you don't value yourself a lot and feel like you need another person to make you complete. Telling a guy you obviously DO NOT KNOW that you would do ANYTHING for him is extremely foolish. You should never say something like that, it IS stupid. Can you see that? You DO NOT KNOW HIM. Why the hell would you tell somebody that you do not know, that you would DO EVERYTHING for them??? Simply stupid. (We all do stupid things sometimes but you need to see very clearly that your behaviour was absolute sillyness).

Behaving like this is THE CAUSE you come together with the wrong guys. By saying that you would do anything for them (NEVER say that, NEVER, don't even THINK that)... by saying that, you basically say: "You can do whatever you want, I have no standards and do not value myself very much"... No wonder that the guy then cheats on you or leaves you.

If I would be dating a girl that would behave in that way, I would propably leave her.

[Hello from Russia]

You guys are so brutal

[integral]

16 hours ago, Preety_India said:

That's why I want to know how I can know that the guy is the real guy who wants sincere relationship with me with no intent to abandon or cheat or play me for a fool. 

15 hours ago, Preety_India said:

I like guys who are serious about commitment. 

Date a ENFJ. At this point just give him a MBTI test. 1-2 months into the relationship. 

Do you feel that it is not genuine or "wrong" to pick a man based on a method like this? 

Edited June 22, 2021 by integral

[Hulia]

21 hours ago, MatteO22 said:

That is untrue. I didn’t say you’re a manipulator, I said you suggesting ‘make him nervous’ is you suggesting manipulation. I mean… it’s just obvious isn’t it!  Why would anyone pretend it isn’t. Trying to gain a certain outcome indirectly with your actions is manipulation. It’s what it is.

Nervous is just a side effect  And pretty usefull side effect. Because if he is nervous of not knowing - will Preety give her life for him? will she not? - that is a question! He´d like to have an answer to.. So he would stick to Preety and she meanwhile will make him happy! Isnt´t a good plan? Win-win!

21 hours ago, MatteO22 said:

You can’t make anyone happy. If you are trying to make someone happy you’re taking responsibility for their emotional state which will probably lead you down a path of What ? You guessed it! Manipulation ??.  
sure you can be nice and supportive, but that’s far from ‘making happy’. Make happy is what we say when we are being codependent. 

Of course you can! Not for eternity but for now and then. What is a problem? 

Of what responsibilty are you talking about? Emotional state? Really state? Try to hold a river! 

21 hours ago, MatteO22 said:

 

An extension of my wholeness is what I’d like a relationship to represent. It’s very far from trying to to enmesh and placate to a partner who may or may not be suited to be a good match. Who’s unhealthier ? Who gives a fuck! ? I dont.  I have nothing to prove. 
 

Every time you are speaking about extention of your wholeness, I am imagining something like that

And btw why don´t you want to be an extention of HER wholeness?

 

[Preety_India]

28 minutes ago, integral said:

Date a ENFJ. At this point just give him a MBTI test. 1-2 months into the relationship. 

Do you feel that it is not genuine or "wrong" to pick a man based on a method like this? 

I don't find it wrong. 

What's special about ENFJ ?

@Gregory1

 

 

[Preety_India]

58 minutes ago, Hello from Russia said:

You guys are so brutal

I know right.

I said that thing to him quite innocently.

And it won't be considered wrong in my culture. In my culture love poetry is written that way where lovers show their commitment by saying stuff like "I'll die for you" it's considered a thing of honor rather than codependency.

I understand the Western perspective. But these people on the forum are taking it to mean something entirely different.

They think that by saying that either I have low self esteem or that I'm codependent or I am creepy or I am manipulator or that I'm too needy or I'll allow the guy to do wrong things to me..

All of their judgement is pure nonsense.

When did I say that I'll tolerate anything from the guy ?

When did I say that I'm manipulating him for some gain?

Trying to tell him my sincere feelings is manipulation ???

You people got some serious issues if everything becomes a problem to you. Maybe find love.

In my culture, it would be considered a thing of pure dedication and loyalty to say something like that 

I can understand that I'm needy but I don't look at neediness as something disgusting. In a relationship some dose of neediness is needed.

Some people said that I don't have class!!!!  Like what ????????????

Just because I expressed a sincere emotion for the guy I have fallen in love with ?

They take something innocent and twist and twist and twist and twist and make it into some negative garbage through their extremely prejudiced biased lens.

It's like these people were never loved in their lives. Such awful pessimism and judgementalism. And pure shaming.

That's why I hate this forum. Say anything and everything is looked at with pure hateful negativity. Do they ever try to see good in something ?

And the people who are understanding me here are mostly Russians. You and the russian girl above.

Leo is russian but leave it. He is kinda Americanized. 

I have a lot of respect for Russians now. They don't shame others and try to be understanding and kind.

But western culture,omg, so brutal and judgemental....is there anything they don't consider negative. There is absolutely no place for instinct and emotion. Every emotion is criminalized. The only thing I can do in western countries is be an Effing STATUE. 

I'm tired of being demonized repeatedly. 

I have been shamed more in western countries than in my own.

Just wanted to say a big thanks to Russians for being very kind and understanding of my sentiments 

 

[Preety_India]

@dflores321 whatever who cares anymore!

Do what your heart pleases.

 

[integral]

@Preety_India High synergy with what your looking for. 

Loyalty/Committed

Hard Working

Emotional Connection, Intuitive Feeler

Encourages partner to grow

https://www.quora.com/What-would-a-romantic-relationship-between-a-female-INFP-and-a-male-ENFJ-be-like

Feeler types should date other feeler types. its just works out. 

Edited June 22, 2021 by integral

[Preety_India]

11 minutes ago, integral said:

@Preety_India High synergy with what your looking for. 

Loyalty/Committed

Hard Working

Emotional Connection, Intuitive Feeler

Encourages partner to grow

https://www.quora.com/What-would-a-romantic-relationship-between-a-female-INFP-and-a-male-ENFJ-be-like

Feeler types should date other feeler types. its just works out. 

I'm not an INFP but my emotions can still go deep. Yea those traits you mentioned are awesome for my partner.

I'll look into that. 

The guy I'm dating is an extrovert. So good for an introvert like me 

 

[integral]

4 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

I'm not an INFP but my emotions can still go deep. Yea those traits you mentioned are awesome for my partner.

INTPs don't romance. 

Edited June 22, 2021 by integral

[Preety_India]

Just now, integral said:

Yep. Pretty much like that lol. Are you Canadian/French ?

 

 

[integral]

8 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Yep. Pretty much like that lol. Are you Canadian/French ?

Canadian/Italian.

Ok good luck, im sure we will get a update in the future. Everyone's looking forward to it  

 

Edited June 22, 2021 by integral

[Preety_India]

@Hello from Russia

Btw yesterday I discovered my favourite old Indian song is extremely famous in Russia. Lots of Russians commenting on how much they love and remember the song 

I'm impressed by all the Russian comments.

So glad to know that. Enjoy !!

 

https://youtu.be/7JdEZoffm-Q

 

[Gregory1]

33 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

When did I say that I'll tolerate anything from the guy ?

 

You said that you would do anything for him and even sacrifice your life. This is the equivalent of saying that you would tolerate anything. In spite of never even having met him in real life... 

Can't you see the obvious?

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, Gregory1 said:

You said that you would do anything for him and even sacrifice your life. This is the equivalent of saying that you would tolerate anything. In spite of never even having met him in real life... 

Can't you see the obvious?

No it wasn't meant that way. I can do anything meant I really want to be devoted to him. No I'm a total no nonsense person. I don't put up with bullshit if you have observed my personality.

I'm not Slavish. But I can be very dedicated and devoted. 

I'm extremely loyal in relationships and I had an emotional moment.

I'm not some dog/donkey.

 

 

Edited June 22, 2021 by Preety_India

[Gregory1]

He called you stupid because you were behaving stupidly.

It is nothing personal. He just clearly saw that you were doing something foolish.

You should be greatful for his honesty. At least he gives you the chance to see how you are behaving foolishly and not just exploits you.

Edited June 22, 2021 by Gregory1
used wrong word

[Preety_India]

Just now, Gregory1 said:

He called you stupid because you were behaving stupidly.

It is nothing personal. He just clearly saw that you were doing something foolish.

You should be gladful for his honesty. At least he gives you the chance to see how you are behaving foolishly and not just exploits you.

Yea he is a great great guy and I'm glad he is with me 

 

[Gregory1]

1 minute ago, Preety_India said:

Yea he is a great great guy and I'm glad he is with me 

 

You have never met him in real life... How do you know that he is a "great great guy" and that you want to "be devoted" to him if you have never even met him???