He called me stupid

[Michael569]

19 hours ago, Preety_India said:

I told him I'll give up my life for him.

eh, this sentence serves more as a repellent rather than something to attract him. 

You gotta maintain distance and some level of integrity in relationships. To most guys a sentence like this translates into "I am needy and I very much need a relationship" most guys would run away after hearing this. 

I know you meant well but it's not the best thing to say to a guy who you want to be ina  relationship with. 

Give the conversation some natural flow and space. Feels like maybe you are pressing too hard. Take a step back for a while and let him take the steering wheel. 

[Preety_India]

Just now, Michael569 said:

eh, this sentence serves more as a repellent rather than something to attract him. 

You gotta maintain distance and some level of integrity in relationships. To most guys a sentence like this translates into "I am needy and I very much need a relationship" most guys would run away after hearing this. 

I know you meant well but it's not the best thing to say to a guy who you want to be ina  relationship with 

You are right. I need to be mindful 

I shoudnt be too desperate for him although he is a really really good guy.

 

[Michael569]

Just now, Preety_India said:

I shoudnt be too desperate for him although he is a really really good guy

exactly! It is ok to let yourself appear a little bit reserved even a  bit distant sometimes. If he is attracted it will urge him to take some action. 

[Preety_India]

@Michael569 your advice is always the best to me 

Thank you so much for the time you take out for me.

You also explain me things lovingly without judgement.

 

 

[Michael569]

@Preety_India  glad you found it helpful. Good luck with this guy!

[Zeroguy]

20 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@Zeroguy  I'm not your dear.

 

Yes I meditate. Now ?

 

You all are. 

Meditation every morning 1 hour see results after a month. 

[Preety_India]

8 minutes ago, Zeroguy said:

You all are. 

Meditation every morning 1 hour see results after a month. 

Great advice.

 

 

[integral]

I would of blocked them by now, they are not providing value. 

[_Archangel_]

21 hours ago, Preety_India said:

I feel shy to ask him anything directly.

if you're so much on him you have to put shyness aside and be honest.
Stop the games, the strategies.

 

21 hours ago, Preety_India said:

I feel a bit insecure, like he would reject me. 

This is lack of direct, honest communication. Then, if it's meant to work, it will.

[ivankiss]

You are afraid of losing him before you even entered the relationship fully. That's why you said what you said. Out of fear, desperation and neediness.

Been there. Not a pleasant spot.

Work the issue out by yourself and then explain to him why you acted the way you did.

Also; think about whether this dude is really what you think he is. Maybe you're just projecting your image of a perfect guy onto him, and that has nothing to do with who he actually is.

Him calling you stupid should say enough already.

[Leo Gura]

6 hours ago, Preety_India said:

He gives me tons of emotional containment.

I felt desperate because nobody made me feel so secure before(him).

Huge red flag

You are losing yourself and becoming co-dependent.

6 hours ago, Preety_India said:

I wanted him to take me seriously.

Then don't act desperate.

[Preety_India]

Just now, Leo Gura said:

Huge red flag

You are losing yourself and becoming co-dependent.

Then don't act desperate.

You mean his behaviour is a huge red flag?

Isn't a guy supposed to give emotional containment ?

I'm totally confused. 

He is very nice to me 

 

[somegirl]

23 hours ago, Preety_India said:

He is my potential date. I kinda like him. 

So we have conversations on the phone. 

He found me very funny. Then he called me a stupid girl and a crazy girl (because I told him I  would do everything in the world for him.) I told him I'll give up my life for him.

I get that you probably found someone who sparks your interest and it is very exciting (been there), but one shouldn't be desperate to lose anyone, especially when you are still in "getting to know each other" phase.

And you ESPECIALLY don't say to him that you would do anything for him, let alone give up your life for him, at the beginning. Why even say that? It does look desperate. Maybe he felt that desperate feeling he got from you and said what he said. But I get your excitement. 

You should feel content with whatever happens. All the things he gives you, you can give yourself. That's when you will look confident and also attractive to him. He will then chase you.
 

Edited June 21, 2021 by somegirl

[Preety_India]

@Leo Gura  how should I know that the guy is genuinely loving me and wants me and not playing me for sex ?

I didn't feel like he was playing me.

But how should I know that he truly and sincerely loves me ?

 

What should he do apart from emotional containment ?

 

Edited June 21, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

How to know if a guy truly loves you and wants you for the right reasons?

 

 

[Tangerinedream]

6 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

 

How to know if a guy truly loves you and wants you for the right reasons?

 

 

You don’t until later.  In the beginning it’s all lust and fire. After this wears off reality hits and this is make or break point of relationship.. this is when you find out and decide to move forward and accept eachother warts n’ all. 

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, Tangerinedream said:

You don’t until later.  In the beginning it’s all lust and fire. After this wears off reality hits and this is make or break point of relationship.. this is when you find out and decide to move forward and accept eachother warts n’ all. 

What are the signs at that point that will help me know that he is a keeper ?

 

[Tangerinedream]

It’s a rugged road that gets better, it’s not easy. 

Many relationships stay around the power struggle point… never growing past that (they never find themselves so can never accept the other) so therefore don’t reach stage of divine love.

Edited June 21, 2021 by Tangerinedream

[Tangerinedream]

2 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

What are the signs at that point that will help me know that he is a keeper ?

 

Hard to say, but most important thing is meeting and spending time together in person, so you can see what his behaviour is like.  
take off the rose tinted spectacles and observe his behaviour and how he makes you feel.  

Do you feel safe or anxious around him?  

Really try and observe how you feel in his presence…

Love is something that develops over time, it can’t be rushed.  Take it step by step!

[Bando]

@Preety_India Don't be like the guys in the forum and ask for so much advice only going to get lost in theory, ts going to set you back even further.  Im pretty sure you know what to look for in a man that you would like to be with so just use that measurement.

Just as the guys here preach not to take a woman serious until she puts out I suggest you don't overinvest until you start seeing the qualities you want from this guy. You may hold sex to a higher standard than most women so instead of putting out you could flirt and possibly hint towards it if he plays his cards right.

As harsh as this might sound, the number one rule in dating is to never overinvest until the person has reached your standard, to do this properly you must have options or you'll get too caught up with the person. You can give him sex and then the next day he might ghost you, thats the risk you take in trying to find a partner, never forget dating is pretty ruthless.