Addiction blocking spiritual advancement

[lambofgod182]

Hi Everyone,

 

I wanted to post about an issue that has hindered my spiritual path ever since i started over 3 years ago. I am at a point where i practice meditation and yoga every day and practice mindfulness as close to constantly as i can. I have noticed that the biggest block I have to increasing my awareness, getting traction with any emotional work and increasing mindfulness, concentration etc. is my compulsive addiction to nicotine. I have gone from smoking weed and tobacco every day for 9 years from age 17 - 26 to vaping and finally i am at a stage where i am reliant on nicotine replacement therapies (sprays mostly but also tabs rarely). This improved things and is much better than smoking and vaping IMO. However, I have become fully aware that this habit is completely hindering all of the consciousness work i am doing. It seems to me that all the mindfulness in the world is not working for me. I have considered a tactic of taking 2 days completely out of life with zero responsibility to focus all energy on not consuming nicotine as trying to continue my life as normal i have found too difficult to get through the emotional imbalance that comes when i try and get off it (even with these NRT's the withdrawal i experience is absolutely awful where i feel like i am mentally ill and severely depressed with suicidal thoughts, the works). If anyone has any insights on techniques, ideas or just sharing personal experience of dealing with a stubborn drug addiction would be welcome. I have been trying to quit for over 5 years and have had a few periods of abstinence (max 6 months) but a single exposure is enough to bring the addiction back at full intensity for several years more.

[Harlen Kelly]

@lambofgod182

6 hours ago, lambofgod182 said:

I have been trying to quit for over 5 years and have had a few periods of abstinence (max 6 months)

During the period of abstinence, how were you feeling?

[Snader]

I'm not a pro in this, but I've been close to people who have been fighting with a a strong nicotine addiction. My one hippie friend who's into spirituality and does hardcore spiritual practices, has been fighting to get rid of the strong nicotine products he's addicted to, as he knows they don't serve his ultimate desires and values. I've seen how it's been with him and talked with him a lot about it and we've noticed that there are emotions that affect it a lot.

He has this sense of purposelessness, which is fueled by his other insecurities and fears. Those things create some sort of void in him, from which he tries to pull himself out of, with the good feeling he gets e.g. from those nicotine products.

It's hard to say, because I don't know you, but you might want to observe your emotions and what you feel, when you have this huge urge to smoke. You might find some real golden nuggets there.

Also what I've seen with him; when he's busy and has some sort of project in his hands, he can avoid those products quite easily for weeks and even moths, but when his life conditions and situation shift back and he loses his drive, the insecurities arise and he's back on it again. So what I've noticed helping for sure (even with my own addictions) is having some sort of purpose or direction, that keeps you busy in a positive way. Of course, sticking to your life purpose might require that you work with some of your emotional deficiencies first.

[Snader]

I read your other post on another thread and I got a strong sense that you might be fighting with ego backlash. During that time, old toxic habits, like addictions, tend to creep back. 

Getting rid of strong and long lasted addictions is really hard physically and emotionally, as you've probably notices, so I would consider directing more your personal resources towards killing the addiction. That means, getting time away from practices and habits that push you to your edge, and investing them into something easier. Meditation and yoga are mentally laboring practices, so adding a fight against strong nicotine addiction on top of that sounds to me like too much.

[lambofgod182]

On 21/06/2021 at 10:23 AM, Snader said:

 so I would consider directing more your personal resources towards killing the addiction. 

This is quite surreal how you have worded this sentence as I haven't been on the forum for a while and this is exactly the change of approach i have taken in that time. I've just decided to become mentally aggressive and absolutely unyielding every single time cravings or self-deceptive thoughts arrive about nicotine use. And, without wanting to jinx it.... it's worked so far. I agree with what you said about directing more mental resources at the habit rather than concentration/ compassion practices that i have been working on for years. Thanks for your advice Snader - 'killing' the addiction is definitely the part I failed to take on board in the past.