5-meo-dmt | Trip Report #2: Being Aware Of Ones Holographic Nature

[Azrael]

Sooo, I did it again. First off, I'm sorry you had to wait so long for this next post. Some guys contacted me personally or commented in other threads why I haven't posted another trip report yet. The simple reason is: I was ill for a week (these fucked-up winter colds) and needed another 2 weeks to get to the level where I could say "Okay, I'm ready to go into outer space again". So yeah, I hope and intend to post more frequently in the future. So if you like these posts, like 'em and post comments so that I know. The first one went off like a fucking virus. I liked that a lot. If you haven't read it, read it first so that you're up to date with what I'm doing. You can read it here.

+++ Lessons Learned From The Initial Dosages +++

Well, as you know I don't just wanna fuck with my head but take a more scientific and curious approach to this whole experiment. And this means that I had to learn my lessons from the first dosages. They were extraordinary experiences that began to permanently alter my journey (I'll write about this in the end of this post) but the way I conducted them could still be improved.

The first thing I changed was that I got myself a very high-tech jewelery scale that you can calibrate to 0.001g. For my initial dosages I used the scale I bought last year for my first n,n-DMT experiences. This is a standard scale you get in your local headshop, good for weed and enough for normal DMT but not for MeO, no. With regular n,n-DMT it doesn't really matter if you take 50 or 55mg because once you hit that point you are just off and if you took 5mg more then that it just wasted. With MeO I found out very soon that 5mg can make the difference from being very high to psychological death and complete dissolving into nothingness. And that's something you don't wanna leave at chance. Not at all.

The second thing I changed was my tripping location. With the initial dosages I laid on my bed what I mostly do when I pop psychedelics. I'm a very beddy person. I love to sleep and just chill in my bed watching series or documentaries. I could do that for a living (if I had no life). This is all great, because you can really open up your body and relax. However, last time with the semi-breakthrough dosage I thought I gotta vomit and at the same time thought I die and lose my breath (so I might go unconscious). This brought up the fear that I will go unconscious, vomit in my fucking face and kill myself by being stupid. Can't happen. And lying on the side takes away the opening of the body that is in my experiences the most crucial thing there is when it comes to surrendering into it. So I left the bed behind and took the couch. There, I could completely open myself, vomit if I have to and go unconscious without choking myself to death. Maybe you laugh, but this made all the difference in the experience I'm about to tell you in a few moments.

And finally another big improvement was Kola Nut. Leo brought this up when we discussed a few days ago how MeO changes your physiology permanently. I talk about this later in this post. Basically, Kola Nut is natural way to get you really excited and pumped, if you have ever done cocaine you know what I'm talking about. If you're more of a reasonable person, think of a time you did something very well (like giving a good speech) and after it a group of people congratulated and looked up to you. That's how you feel on Kola Nut. Just pretty ambitious, inspired, here and ready to go. I researched it a little bit and found that others had used it before with 5-MeO-DMT and reported great experiences plus it seemed to be widely known, well studied and easy to get. So I got myself 100g of Kola Nut powder straight from amazon.com and it arrived today (with the jewelery scale). The post man came right when I was meditating and the bell ringing scared the shit outta me. You bastard!

+++ The Trip: Being Aware Of Ones Holographic Nature +++

So, how did go down. Let's go a few hours back in time. As always when I pop psychedelics I did all the things I had to do on this day so that I had the time and a free mind. Never, ever have something important to do after you do psychedelics. This will stress and ruin the experience. In beforehand, I took 2 grams of the Kola Nut in the morning so that I knew how it effects me. Around 4 p.m. I wanted to do the tripping. The Kola Nut I had taken before was still showing effects so I decided to just take a little bit to get another peak when the MeO comes in so that both can work together.

I gotta say, I was pretty nervous. The last trip I did was more then a month ago and although it was transforming and great, it was very scary as well. So I laid down on the couch, went inside and asked myself whether I really wanna do this again. And every bit of my intuition even my fears were into it. I still stopped for a moment. My hands were cold, my pulse were up and I just waited a few moments. Then I got up, weighted half of a gram of Kola Nut on my new high-tec scale, downed it with a little bit of water and juice and weighted 22mg of the God molecule. I turned on my standard tripping music, made two lines and waited for another few moments. I asked myself again whether I really wanted to do this. I did. So I sniffed the gold up my nostrils, went to my couch and sat down, tilted my head upside down and massaged the MeO into my nostrils.

Funnily, right when I sat down all the fear and tension began to vanish. I thought this was strange, with my prior experiences it was really the opposite in the beginning. After a good 2-3 minutes the MeO was well-distributed in my nose and I sat up normally. I opened my legs and my arms. I also just looked in front of me and began to repeat the mantra "I love you, I give in, I surrender".

I expected the existential terror to start every moment and blast me away but it simply didn't. The exact opposite happened. As the trip came on, the first thing I noticed was that I began to lose weight. Like somebody is turning the gravity to zero. With that my view became crystal clear and all edges went away. Kinda like your whole view is one object and not containing a bunch of objects. Then the body got lighter and lighter, the breathing slowed down but in a very harmonic and calming way and the pulse didn't go through the top. It was a little bit higher then normal, but not too heavy. With that the what I call "physiological purification" started. As my body got lighter and lighter, it felt like every cell was cleaned and massaged with the deepest love. Every tension just vanished.

As this unfolded I closed my eyes and delved in this love. It took more and more tensions and it felt like with every tension that goes my nature expands, because the tension was centralizing it in beforehand. In this moment I became aware of our holographic nature. With the vanishing of the tensions I began to lose every reference of the normal world. I began to lose sight in a way, I didn't see darkness but also didn't see any visuals. I was before all that. As every reference of the normal world went away, time went too so that it got slower and slower until it was eternal. The only reference of time that there was was the flow of tension that appeared and vanished every few moments: I saw clearly that my whole perception of my body was like a holographic image, that popped up and went away. The deeper I went into it, the slower it got and the more I could see this. I could see that my whole sense of self is based on the illusion that I can feel my inner tension consistently. That this is my only reference of being separate. When this vanished and just popped up here and there, I was everything and nothing. It was nothing special but also extremely astonishing. Seeing how my existence manifests slowed down so much that I could see how it works. It's like you zoom out of your normal perspective and see that the picture you are seeing all of the time was just a tiny pixel on a ever-changing surface.

Throughout this whole experience I felt the deepest kind of love, peace and surrender that I can think of. Even when I came back half an hour later and the tensions came back to a degree, I saw that this is okay and that it needs time to permanently let this go. What was also incredible is, that after the peak - like after 15-20 minutes - as I opened my eyes and was still tripping all kind of memories popped into my head that were connected to my tensions. All the fears that I had in my life, all my limited beliefs, all that just came on and I looked at it with this deep spaciousness and peace and just let it play its game. Breath-taking. Then I came back and felt like my whole body was completely massaged and my brain was given peace. Very nice, I still have a lot of that in me. It gives you perspective and that perspective alone is curative.

+++ Beyond The Experience: How 5-MeO-DMT Changes your Daily Life +++

So, that was my trip. Really great. I'm looking forward to do the same with 30mg in 2 weeks again and see how it is to leave every reference behind and completely delve in this love. But with all these experiences comes the question: "Is it just a 30 minutes kind of crazy thing that happened, or is there more to it?"

In the first month after my initial dosages I looked into that. What started to happen in the first week after the trips was that I became very aware of the tensions in my body, especially in my forehead and abdomen. They just really lit up for a few days and then began to vanish. They vanished to a degree that I would say the state I was in before the experiences was like a light headache that then vanished. Not that I was aware of that light headache, it was my normal state and it resulted in a lot of fast thoughts, lots of fast feelings and a very shallow attention in retrospect of what I'm experiencing now. And be aware,  even before my first trips I had done more then 1,5 of daily 60-minute meditation (mostly strong determination sittings), I had numerous no-self experiences, 3-4 very deep awakenings this year and a Kundalini awakening this July. And I still say that my state was like heaving a light headache.

So after the tensions began to vanish (and they didn't completely but to a good extent) I would begin to act slower and more in a kind of rhythmic flow. It's like I'm dancing when I go or do things. I think slower, deeper and in more color and with clearer voice. I have most of the time very deep and transforming meditations. I still am afraid sometimes, I still have bad days, I still do stupid shit, but I see how this just arises and that there is no me pushing it. I sometimes see that. Other times I get so lost that I'm not aware of this but even then, this is okay. Because that's how it is. I am way more chilled. I can listen to somebody and not have thoughts but just listen. And the other one feels that and opens up like a flower. When I talk I naturally begin to make pauses and play with the rhythm of my voice. I'm naturally more confident with my body and how I look and go about my business. I'm more attractive independent of how I look. I begin to get into deeper contact my unconscious. I am aware of sleeping, that was really crazy in the beginning. I am aware that when I lose my conscious attention that for the first few hours thoughts still come up that trigger feelings, that then after a while I go into a deep and very vivid dream, that then I completely blur out and become nothing and that I then return to a dream or unconscious thinking state. This all began to develop in this first month. And I can see how this is just the beginning of things.

So yeah, basically I can say that MeO does its thing. When used with a natural interest in getting to know your real self and integrating your make-belief self, it really seems to push you a lot deeper with that. It takes the neurosis out of your seeking, gives you peace and a lot of toys you can play around with that just come up when your awareness expands. Because you begin to see the whole picture and not just your narrowed version of it.

That's my take on it anyway. I hope you liked the post and that it inspired you. If it did, like it and comment so that we can have a talk about it and I see that I should post more of these experiences. If I'm not fucked with another winter cold in the next time, I would say that I trip again in two weeks and hopefully find the time to write it all down and let you guys know. This stuff is really interesting.

Anyways, keep up your genuine interest, develop yourself and get intimate with all of reality. You are every bit of it and that is the most shocking and cool thing you can ever find out.

Cheers,

- Azrael

[WaveInTheOcean]

Kola nut is just caffeine, lol. I gues high does of caffeine/coffee can feel like low/moderate doses of coke (for some).

nice report anyways.

[Azrael]

1 minute ago, WaveInTheOcean said:

Kola nut is just caffeine, lol.

Not just. Caffeine is 50% of it. It has a more complex effect then pure caffeine. When I drink a coffee I'm just very awake and there. If I do Kola Nut I feel a tingling throughout my body, I'm very excited and on point.

[Leo Gura]

@Azrael Good stuff, but sounds like you've only experienced about 5% of what 5-meo has to show you.

Your mind has not yet been sufficiently blown

The difference between 22mg and 30mg is infinite, in my experience.

[Mrkvn8]

@Azrael Great post. Very inspiring. I appreciate the in-depth post for everyone interested in trying it. 

 

Why was this experience more blissful, and didn't have existential terror? Is it because of the Kola Nut?

[Azrael]

4 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@Azrael Good stuff, but sounds like you've only experienced about 5% of what 5-meo has to show you.

Yeah, I thought you'd say that. I did the 22mg because I didn't want to breakthrough the first time I use Kola Nut with it because I couldn't have predicted how it goes. Now, that things are even better then expected, I hope that the next trip is the "Oh my fucking GOD..." that you're (and I'm) looking for. I'll let you know, man!

[Azrael]

3 hours ago, Mrkvn8 said:

Why was this experience more blissful, and didn't have existential terror? Is it because of the Kola Nut?

Yeah I think to some extent the Kola Nut helps with that. But I also think that one has to find peace with the substance. You have to surrender completely into the experience and learn how to do that. That just needs some trial and error. Plus the sitting on the couch and not having to worry about getting unconscious and vomiting was another factor. Plus the mantra of course in the beginning. So all of them play their part.

[Feeble Dave]

Fascinating stuff. You sir are a pioneer and an inspiration. Keep it up!

Where did you find out about combining 5-MeO and kola nut? Could you point me in the direction of some information, in regard to combining it with psychedelics?

Edited November 13, 2016 by Feeble Dave

[Azrael]

1 hour ago, Feeble Dave said:

Fascinating stuff. You sir are a pioneer and an inspiration. Keep it up!

Thanks a lot. I appreciate your words. I'm definitely gonna keep it up. It's just the beginning.

1 hour ago, Feeble Dave said:

Where did you find out about combining 5-MeO and kola nut?

Leo told me about it personally and then I researched it. I basically just googled for "Kola Nut 5-MeO-DMT" and similar terms. You can find some reports online. Also I did my research on the effects of Kola Nut and it makes sense that both combined can make a good combo, because the excitement that Kola Nut brings about is keeping the fear and worries down when your mind collapses. It also brings you more into your body and away from your thoughts.. kind of like when you are really happy and proud - you're just glowing.

[aurum]

Inspiring man!

23 hours ago, Azrael said:

In this moment I became aware of our holographic nature

This was a total mind-fuck when I became aware of this. I didn't use those words, but I think I can see what you're trying to point at.

Glad to hear not every trip is a dive into pure hell. The Kola-nut tip seems really useful.

23 hours ago, Azrael said:

I still am afraid sometimes, I still have bad days, I still do stupid shit, but I see how this just arises and that there is no me pushing it. I sometimes see that. Other times I get so lost that I'm not aware of this but even then, this is okay. Because that's how it is. I am way more chilled. I can listen to somebody and not have thoughts but just listen. And the other one feels that and opens up like a flower. When I talk I naturally begin to make pauses and play with the rhythm of my voice. I'm naturally more confident with my body and how I look and go about my business. I'm more attractive independent of how I look. I begin to get into deeper contact my unconscious. I am aware of sleeping, that was really crazy in the beginning. I am aware that when I lose my conscious attention that for the first few hours thoughts still come up that trigger feelings, that then after a while I go into a deep and very vivid dream, that then I completely blur out and become nothing and that I then return to a dream or unconscious thinking state. This all began to develop in this first month. And I can see how this is just the beginning of things.

It's very interesting to see the interplay with seeking Truth and your personal development. Incredible that you seem to be getting all these benefits just from taking a drug, although I understand the emotional labor is still intense.

[Psychonaut]

 

Nice post. I appreciate the effort you put into it. 

I share your concern with vomiting. I hate vomiting and avoid it as much as I can. Even if I really need to I will suppress it to the bitter end. This is the main reason that has stopped me from jumping straight from 40mg to 50mg for my next trip. I dont want to suffocate in my own puke.

Tbh I'm not sure about dosage anymore. Previously I thought I should have the dosage as high as possible. I had a 20mg trip on friday and saturday and those were very insightful. The first one it was just yelling in my face that I'm doing something wrong. Instead of becoming disengaged with my normal life I have to engage 3 times as much. I didn't know how to engage though.

Second one I learned that too fully engage I had to become fearless. The easiest way is to completely surrender. I trained it when coming down for like an hour. Death, crack, big bang birth and death again. Life death life death. An endless cycle. Sleep, awake, sleep, awake, sleep. When you can surrender it is like being able to go to sleep in the middle of the day and trusting that everything will be fine. Trusting that everything will be fine is the most important factor for being able to fully and utterly ultimately absolutely surrender when the moment comes. It's death. Inevitable yet unexpected. 

Edited November 14, 2016 by Psychonaut
grammar

[Azrael]

6 hours ago, Psychonaut said:

When you can surrender it is like being able to go to sleep in the middle of the day and trusting that everything will be fine. Trusting that everything will be fine is the most important factor for being able to fully and utterly ultimately absolutely surrender when the moment comes. It's death. Inevitable yet unexpected. 

Very well put, my friend!

One interesting thing I experienced this time - that kinda correlates with death - is that while most of my references of the earthly world vanished and my consciousness decentralized, there was this one thing that I can't name but that were present and I instantly recognized that it was present from the very first day of my life (probably even before, but I can't remember). It is like the core of my perception, one little seed out of which everything else comes about. And I also saw that as a child I was very aware of that and I loved it. I didn't know what it was but it gave me all of my ideas, all of my passions, all of the ways I express myself, all of my authenticity. When I grew up I forgot about it and lost my sense of connection and trust. As a child I always had an inner trust that there is nothing in the world that could ever go wrong. Was just obvious. I like to explore that more in the future through MeO, my inquiry and meditation.

[cetus]

7 hours ago, Azrael said:

Very well put, my friend!

One interesting thing I experienced this time - that kinda correlates with death - is that while most of my references of the earthly world vanished and my consciousness decentralized, there was this one thing that I can't name but that were present and I instantly recognized that it was present from the very first day of my life (probably even before, but I can't remember). It is like the core of my perception, one little seed out of which everything else comes about. And I also saw that as a child I was very aware of that and I loved it. I didn't know what it was but it gave me all of my ideas, all of my passions, all of the ways I express myself, all of my authenticity. When I grew up I forgot about it and lost my sense of connection and trust. As a child I always had an inner trust that there is nothing in the world that could ever go wrong. Was just obvious. I like to explore that more in the future through MeO, my inquiry and meditation.

@Azrael  I too remember this feeling well. Exploring the source of that would be interesting for sure. Also as a child there were many experiences of suddenly feeling at one with existence. Now as an adult I seem to have to almost search for that instead of it just happening of it's own doing. Since we're on the subject of childhood experience, I would also get Deja Vu a lot. Of course at the young age I had never heard of the word Deja Vu. Only much later in life did I find that what I had experienced was called Deja vu and others experienced it also.  Any insights you have, please feel free to share. Thanks man!

Edited November 14, 2016 by cetus56