How to handle fear of moderate success

[IAmReallyImportant]

Every time I see others who struggle for years with moderate success I get demotivated and frustrated. People with < 100k YouTube followers e.g. .

They are not on something but still on board. Or startup people who get stuck on 6 figure businesses for over 10 years. Or even are not like Elon Musk. 

It makes me feel I don't even want to start, because everytime I see that it is like I attended to win a lottery and the stake is my lifetime.

I don't know any life purpose which could make me look over that. I want it all and not a caricatur of it. 

Edited June 18, 2021 by IAmReallyImportant

[Eternal Unity]

Don't compare yourself with others. Be thankful for what you have and know that you have all the time in the world to improve.

[Snader]

Study successful people and important concepts around success and you start seeing patterns.

Also, take enough time to consider your goals and motives around money, how much you really want or need, and why?

[IAmReallyImportant]

28 minutes ago, Snader said:

Study successful people and important concepts around success and you start seeing patterns.

Also, take enough time to consider your goals and motives around money, how much you really want or need, and why?

What I found out is that is a guarantee for success maybe around 1 percent.
There are also people following the same patterns that are not that successful.

As I see luxury as a baseline to live and excellence is my highest value, the most important thing in life for me is to create something really big, something gigantic. There I need at least one 9-10 figure business.

And for me the nature of reality seems to be completely meaningless. Because, no matter what you consider - using proper contemplation you will recognize it doesn't matter and is as meaningless as everything else, too. Even concioussness work, which is not more meaningful than wiping toilettes. So my approach is to find something, which has much economic influence and is managable to create. So I have something which is meaningful to me - namely create a monster which literally penetrates the world. And of course, I am specializing as well.

Edited June 18, 2021 by IAmReallyImportant

[Bob Seeker]

@IAmReallyImportant if excellence is what you really value, then you need to work on defining what excellence really means. You seem to be conflating it with success or with changing the world. 
 

Success is a low consciousness value because it is comparative and heavily survival related. Excellence is neither of these.
 

an urge to change the world might mean you value contribution. If so, go for this directly and it will make you more happy.

Consider that if you don’t change the world immediately as much as Elon musk is, you could do it by planting seeds. Jesus never started anything too big but his followers turned it into a religion that would help evolve the world from spiral stage red and purple to stage blue.

 It’s better to follow your heart and be authentic than to worry about immediate impact, or you are likely to burn out, or act rashly. Also, Musk didn’t invent the electric car. That ish would happen with or without him.

Edited June 20, 2021 by Bob Seeker

[IAmReallyImportant]

This is true, but not completely.

With 4-5 years old, as I had no trauma besides a severe burn injury, where I almost died and that I was molested. So nothing, which would influence that I was inspired about creating something big or too become a celebrity. Back then, I always imagined how I created a company and my friends would work for me. And how this would grow. Later, trauma occurred that could affect my view of success, so perhaps it became unconscious in this way.

In my early and later teenage years, I was in a situation where my existence was constantly threatened. And also a lot of people who thought it was a good idea to always criticize me and put me down, also almost everybody who was responsible for my education. And now I think I have to become successful so that no one can belittle me or mirror to me that I can't achieve anything in my life or that the only thing I can do is have a normal job.

I feel angry and not understood when people often tell me that I am one of the most intelligent people they know. Because I feel reduced to that. As if I am a nerd who has no life experience and this is the only good thing of me. For example, my high school teacher told me I should be a professor because I wasn't cut out for business. That hurt me a lot. Other people might see it as a compliment. Or often people say I'm sympathic, then I would think, "They think I'm likeable, but no one special to them and someone they surrender to because they have low standards and think they need to make compromises in their lives. They just need people they can talk to so they don't feel alone - like I'm just good enough for them." Or often people say I'm nice, then I get angry too because I think "they don't see a personality in me, just a nice guy who wants to please everyone and is limited, who is no leader". This leads to scenes where I hurt people even more, just to prove to myself that I'm not a nice guy.

Unfortunately, I cannot deceive people and take advantage of them. Because somehow I feel that if everyone did that, this world would not be the one I want to live in. And that I know what it's like to be treated badly and that's why I can't do that to anyone. Then I have doubts about becoming successful. Because you often have to do crooked things. For example, I can't sell anyone shit.

Edited June 20, 2021 by IAmReallyImportant

[IAmReallyImportant]

However, I think not everything is low-conscious. There is also an element of inspiration and thrive. Like I want to do something, to put something in this world, to build something up and as you said to contribute.

And you are right. I now become more aware, how important just fun and inspiration is. The other things only lead to suffering..

Edited June 20, 2021 by IAmReallyImportant

[Bob Seeker]

13 hours ago, IAmReallyImportant said:

Unfortunately, I cannot deceive people and take advantage of them. Because somehow I feel that if everyone did that, this world would not be the one I want to live in. And that I know what it's like to be treated badly and that's why I can't do that to anyone. Then I have doubts about becoming successful. Because you often have to do crooked things. For example, I can't sell anyone shit.

I feel that. Not an easy predicament. I guess we gotta do the best we can.

[bracknelson123]

Learn from Mistakes
I believe in learning, “The greatest mistake you can create in life is to continuously be scared you will make one.” Learning from mistakes is conditioned in life. If you drive a mistake, it’s not the end of the route — just try and try again.

[Nobody_Here]

@IAmReallyImportant I am also "really important," but I don't need to be successful in the eyes of others to prove it. I am moderately successful, but I see that as progress towards becoming really successful. I see myself as a CIO or CEO one day, not because I want to impress you, but because I think my skill set would be best utilized there. At the same time, I'm @Nobody_Here because, ultimately, I am no one in both the local and existential sense.

You can have success. I would define it on your own terms, though. I would not focus on being a famous YouTuber or whatever. I would focus on a Life Purpose and then Dream Big. If you define success in terms of followers, you will probably feel empty even if you get that many followers. Why? Because "number of followers" is a superficial goal. Aiming for "something gigantic and big" is too vague.

You want to make a big impact. That's cool. I do, too. I want to be CEO or CIO of a quantum internet company. I want to be an author of a series of books for victims of sexual abuse and sexual assault. See how much more specific those goals are? Granted, they can change and probably will. But note that the things I said have nothing to do with my social media followers or impressing someone with some big goal. I am leading digital transformation where I work and editing a friend's book about relationships right now. That's a far shot from where I want to be, but I don't see that as a failure. I see that as progress. So, the takeaways are:

1) Make your goals S.M.A.R.T. and within your control.

2) Base your goals on what internally drives you. Don't worry about social media. Social media will come later.

3) Moderate success is a stepping stone to big success. Even Elon Musk started with a smaller company (what turned into PayPal) before he got into SpaceX. 

[Logan]

@IAmReallyImportant What you constantly think about and believe about yourself, you will manifest. If you believe you will struggle in mediocrity, you will set lower standards for yourself subconsciously and be mediocre. If you summoned a massive amount of will, emotion, and self belief within yourself, then you wouldn't be so worried about it. You do not have a strong enough vision, or, you have toxic values. Money, fame, status are some of them, which I get the feeling you have based on your note about subscriber count.

Focusing on mastering your craft, building skills, and staying in line with your values. Don't be led astray, chasing the cheese like all the other rats in the maze.  

[Eph75]

@IAmReallyImportant

Don't study what other successful people did that define them as successful, or do to keep the successful image. 

Study what qualities made it possible to become successful in the first place, the prerequisites of being, i.e. self-leadership. Without self-leadership competencies you'll be in a more uphill quest than needed, and more likely to not be able to keep going, or even fail to start. 

Self-leadership includes many competencies and one being constructive thought processes, including not getting stuck with ways of thinking that are limiting, and to be able to catch these and shift into constructive positivism. Comparison with others is not constructive, and it is detrimental to developing grit.

Grit being another competency, the ability and stamina to keep going without getting demotivated, and shying from difficulties, not stopping when failing, embracing failure as necessary learning that is an inevitable part of the process, and to have self-compassion and not being hard on oneself when things don't progress, when it feels like things regress, or when progress inevitably plateaus from time to time.

Self-compassion once again comes back to constructive thought processes, and the awareness of wasting energy on negativity.

(There is much, much more to self-leadership) 

All of this of course stands on a foundation of self-awareness and self-knowledge, and understanding of what drives us, our values, what kind of experiences that make us feel good that we want more of, and developing this understanding takes us closer to the journey towards life-purpose. 

This only becomes a problem when it is driven by desire that shifts focus from this as a journey of passion and towards the lack of results and the delaying of bringing you what you desire, which is not likely passion but fame, acceptance, success, money, outward image and so on, negatively fueled by such comparisons against others who seemingly already have made it, getting blinded by their perceived successes, which does not take their past and current struggles into account. A lot of successful people are miserable despite "having made it" as they've yet to master life.

On this journey we will need to learn to know our fears and how to constructively navigate and challenge them so that they grow smaller over time, and possibly can go away through the development of courage, courage to pursue that which we feel is challenging, that induces anxiety, that causes fear. Redefining that negative feeling into opportunities for further growth, and a wanting to pursue opportunity. 

Contemplate, what is it that you have made important to yourselves? Are those values conveying a deeper truth of who you are? Are you chasing a fleeting thoughts or are you looking for passion? What would the difference be? 

@IAmReallyImportant

Even the choice of username can tell a story. 

Before setting out on a long journey, it's good to prepare and get your bagage in a good shape so that it supports the journey, not being overly heavy with such things that are weighing you down and poses limitations to that journey.

Paradoxically, over time, this make the getting there less important as focus shifts towards the being on the journey of life.

Edited June 27, 2021 by Eph75

[IAmReallyImportant]

On 21/06/2021 at 3:20 AM, Bob Seeker said:

I feel that. Not an easy predicament. I guess we gotta do the best we can.

Thanks for the compassion! I think this is a great mindset, it takes away the pressure. Also, I think everything which is done is ideally done out of inspiration. And this is possible.

Edited June 27, 2021 by IAmReallyImportant

[IAmReallyImportant]

On 27/06/2021 at 8:17 AM, Eph75 said:

@IAmReallyImportant

Don't study what other successful people did that define them as successful, or do to keep the successful image. 

Study what qualities made it possible to become successful in the first place, the prerequisites of being, i.e. self-leadership. Without self-leadership competencies you'll be in a more uphill quest than needed, and more likely to not be able to keep going, or even fail to start. 

Self-leadership includes many competencies and one being constructive thought processes, including not getting stuck with ways of thinking that are limiting, and to be able to catch these and shift into constructive positivism. Comparison with others is not constructive, and it is detrimental to developing grit.

Grit being another competency, the ability and stamina to keep going without getting demotivated, and shying from difficulties, not stopping when failing, embracing failure as necessary learning that is an inevitable part of the process, and to have self-compassion and not being hard on oneself when things don't progress, when it feels like things regress, or when progress inevitably plateaus from time to time.

Self-compassion once again comes back to constructive thought processes, and the awareness of wasting energy on negativity.

(There is much, much more to self-leadership) 

All of this of course stands on a foundation of self-awareness and self-knowledge, and understanding of what drives us, our values, what kind of experiences that make us feel good that we want more of, and developing this understanding takes us closer to the journey towards life-purpose. 

This only becomes a problem when it is driven by desire that shifts focus from this as a journey of passion and towards the lack of results and the delaying of bringing you what you desire, which is not likely passion but fame, acceptance, success, money, outward image and so on, negatively fueled by such comparisons against others who seemingly already have made it, getting blinded by their perceived successes, which does not take their past and current struggles into account. A lot of successful people are miserable despite "having made it" as they've yet to master life.

On this journey we will need to learn to know our fears and how to constructively navigate and challenge them so that they grow smaller over time, and possibly can go away through the development of courage, courage to pursue that which we feel is challenging, that induces anxiety, that causes fear. Redefining that negative feeling into opportunities for further growth, and a wanting to pursue opportunity. 

Contemplate, what is it that you have made important to yourselves? Are those values conveying a deeper truth of who you are? Are you chasing a fleeting thoughts or are you looking for passion? What would the difference be? 

@IAmReallyImportant

Even the choice of username can tell a story. 

Before setting out on a long journey, it's good to prepare and get your bagage in a good shape so that it supports the journey, not being overly heavy with such things that are weighing you down and poses limitations to that journey.

Paradoxically, over time, this make the getting there less important as focus shifts towards the being on the journey of life.

Thanks, that is a great reminder?It brings things back to concioussness.

What I discover is that currently things that can be improved are humility and being satisfied and grateful with what is in front of me. Once I thought also doing small things first and then increase exponentially. But recently I became a CTO of a 20 employee company after 1 year work experience and 1.5 business experience and was asked by another company to do a Phd with them in the US. Also got contacts to business giants who want to help me find my passion, teach me etc.. So miracles literally can happen.

And the most important thing is to remove any self-referential believes or the self which is not being. Otherwise, less energy is available in general, it slows progress down and suffering will happen.

I don't do this for status and YouTube was an exame. The amount of income is just an indicator of creative progress for me. Normal stuff simply seems to be not my preference. Like somebody doesn’t like the color green. 

[IAmReallyImportant]

On 27/06/2021 at 5:34 AM, Logan said:

@IAmReallyImportant What you constantly think about and believe about yourself, you will manifest. If you believe you will struggle in mediocrity, you will set lower standards for yourself subconsciously and be mediocre. If you summoned a massive amount of will, emotion, and self belief within yourself, then you wouldn't be so worried about it. You do not have a strong enough vision, or, you have toxic values. Money, fame, status are some of them, which I get the feeling you have based on your note about subscriber count.

Focusing on mastering your craft, building skills, and staying in line with your values. Don't be led astray, chasing the cheese like all the other rats in the maze.  

So true. 

[Nahm]

“My favorite things in life don’t cost any money. It’s really clear that the most precious resource we all have is time.” - Steve Jobs

“Goods & services are the real economy, any form of money is simply the accounting thereof.” - Elon Musk

“Success is measured by how much good you do for others” - Zig Ziglar

“I have learned that success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life, but as by the obstacles which one has had to overcome while trying to succeed.”  - Booker T. Washington

“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” - Maya Angelou

”I believe that anyone can be successful in life, regardless of the natural talent or the environment within which we live. This is not based on measuring success by human competitiveness for wealth, possessions, influence, and fame - but adhering to God’s standards of truth, justice, humility, service, compassion, forgiveness, and love.” - Jimmy Carter

”Always demanding the best of oneself, living with honor, devoting one’s talents and gifts to the benefits of others - these are the measures of success that endure when the material things have passed away”. - Henry Ford

”Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.” - Albert Schweitzer 

“The only true measure of success is the amount of joy we are feeling.” - Esther Hicks 

 

 

[universe]

If you want to create a monster you need to become one.

Just decide to become it and then go for it.

There is no failure and there is no success.

Only resistance to change. So much resistance.

That is why so few change.