Dealing with parents/family who cannot fathom stage Yellow/Turquoise

[puporing]

I'm wondering what are people's experiences or strategies for dealing with parents/family members who are very stuck in the materialist paradigm (eg stage Blue, Orange), and constantly try to drag you back into it. They are so stuck that there's not even an opening for a shift and all they want to do is get you to be in alignment with them (also impossible for me). I am pursuing a 'career' in music/classical piano and it's just impossible to explain and I sort of gave up trying at this point because in their mind becoming an artist 'makes no money and therefore not 'worthwhile'. All they want me to do is follow the traditional path of creating children, have some kind of job, serving them to old age, etc. An additional note is I grew up in a very toxic dysfunctional narcissist parents and spent years just to create some boundaries between that and to heal & grow myself while managing the relationship with parents that is pretty much one-sided at this point. Though I have love for them from a distance, there is now a large gap between our levels of development. I am mostly operating at Stage Turquoise and most of the time I can get by acting like I agree with the materialist view to put others at ease... but lately it's been a struggle. Anyway just wanted to see if anyone else have suggestions on dealing with this, mostly I'm just keeping somewhat of a boundary but yeah family members will take that the wrong way generally and try to 'get you back'. I wish Eckhart Tolle talked more about his relationship with his parents. I guess meanwhile I will just have to make peace with the fact that I will have to continue to act and pretend I am operating from a similar place. I appreciate any feedback or wisdom you might have on this topic. 

[Eternal Unity]

My heart reaches out to you.

Your parents love you conditionally, apparently. True love is freedom. To give you opportunities to grow and evolve and walk your own path. I'm sure they want the best for you but they think they know what's best for you more than you. Sit and talk with them. Explain that you are your own authority. Thank them for what they have given you and ask them to let you go on your own journey.

Tell them that you'd be alright becuase you will. That you will not lack money because you won't. That every path is "worthwhile". Hey, life is worthwhile!

You'll have more than a job - you'll have a career.

When the time will come, you will attend to them as they are older.

Hope this helps,

Greg.

Edited June 17, 2021 by Eternal Unity

[The Buddha]

What is my experience? Keep going up, then you see no problem. Keep leveling up and you accept and embrace that. Keep leveling up and you love that. Keep leveling up and you will be overflowed by compassion and love towards all beings. Love all, serve all.

It is in fact this very struggle the key to overcoming the stage that u are currently in, it is in fact not a problem, it is in fact the best opportunity to teach u and become your better self. For loving the easy is easy, for loving the hard is to actually love. So embrace this reality, is here to bring u up to the next level. It is a blessing! Precisely because it is so fucking hard and I know by experience, from that great strength love and compassion will arise. Like the diamond with great heat and preassure, becomes the best of the best.

[Nahm]

“If someone gives you a gift, which you refuse, to whom does the gift belong?”

- The Buddha

[kinesin]

@puporing  Can you really claim to be as high as turquoise if you're having trouble accepting the inevitable reality of other people at lower stages being unable to understand the higher?  That's just the way things are - how can you expect them to think any differently toward your perspectives and actions if they're around blue/orange as you say?  Your difficulties here seem more indicative of a stage green mindset.

[blackchair]

19 minutes ago, kinesin said:

@puporing  Can you really claim to be as high as turquoise if you're having trouble accepting the inevitable reality of other people at lower stages being unable to understand the higher?  That's just the way things are - how can you expect them to think any differently toward your perspectives and actions if they're around blue/orange as you say?  Your difficulties here seem more indicative of a stage green mindset.

this, i live in blue family, i accept them as they are. even tho i like to tease them with Buddha, they are catholics 

[Breakingthewall]

2 hours ago, The Buddha said:

What is my experience? Keep going up, then you see no problem. Keep leveling up and you accept and embrace that. Keep leveling up and you love that. Keep leveling up and you will be overflowed by compassion and love towards all beings. Love all, serve all.

It is in fact this very struggle the key to overcoming the stage that u are currently in, it is in fact not a problem, it is in fact the best opportunity to teach u and become your better self. For loving the easy is easy, for loving the hard is to actually love. So embrace this reality, is here to bring u up to the next level. It is a blessing! Precisely because it is so fucking hard and I know by experience, from that great strength love and compassion will arise. Like the diamond with great heat and preassure, becomes the best of the best.

Great post, i read it just in the right moment 

Edited June 17, 2021 by Breakingthewall

[puporing]

@Eternal Unity Thank you for your kind words. It may help to reassure them one way or another as most of the interventions are born out of fear of the unknown. 

@The Buddha That's awesome thank you for sharing that , and the reminder that this is also a part of what propels even more growth! On some level I get the sense that I chose this set of circumstances to birth into.. (like choosing hard mode in a game lol). 

@kinesin I don't want to change them and I understand why they think the way they do, it's just dealing with the constant pressure to be in alignment with those stages which often in this case invite a lot of hostility (and sometimes emotional abuse) to the path I'm choosing. I do understand that when you choose your own path, that is kind of inevitable that people will not understand or even be hostile towards you.. and you keep going anyway despite oppositions. It's just been a very lonely experience I guess I caved and shared, simply posting my struggles gave more hope and light to the path I'm still on. It seems like the answer is more and more acceptance.

 

Edited June 17, 2021 by puporing

[Nahm]

Sometimes what’s accepted is what’s projected. Who is it up to… pressure, hostility, etc. It is either of the flashlight, or the light on the wall… but of course, the only reality of the light on the wall, is the flashlight. 

[kinesin]

@Nahm  Sometimes your comments are so foppily written that it's hard to even know what you're actually saying and how it relates to the topic of discussion.  I can only imagine just how many different interpretations people take from what you write.

[Rigel]

What is specifically that you have to deal with? If they physically or emotionally harass you then by all means get away from them.

If not then ask yourself: "what am I expecting from them?" "why can’t I accept them as they are?" then let go of that. 

Edited June 17, 2021 by Rigel

[puporing]

@Nahm Thank you, I feel like something really clicked there for me along with your previous reply.  

@Rigel I would call it emotional harassment..  still recognizing it's the level of consciousness others are at, it's a long history of such behavior and I've gotten better at dealing with it over time and sought therapy for. Most therapists I've seen don't really have a good answer because they still operate under the assumption that 'they're your parents and can't be that bad'. But my situation is basically that if I were to have a relationship with them they immediately attempt to seize control over my thoughts and feelings and actions I take in the world, criticize them, demonize them and change me to something else, it's about control and power over me. And if I were to distance myself so as to pursue my growth and peace of mind I get harrassed for why I don't share with them. 

Edited June 17, 2021 by puporing

[The Buddha]

@kinesin  You would be very much surprised how hard is to heal and to do shadow work, it does not matter where u are at, because it is something that bypasses all that and triggers your core being.

It is said that one master meditated alone in the Himalayas for decades, mastering all paths of yoga, tantra and meditation. In perfect bliss, he returned to the world and did the full circle as it is said. He went for dinner to his home, while eating his dad said something which triggered him, he then inmediately answered roughly, when the last word came out of his mouth, he attained supreme enlightenment.

[Breakingthewall]

19 hours ago, puporing said:

 I am mostly operating at Stage Turquoise and most of the time I can get by acting like I agree with the materialist view to put others at ease... but lately it's been a struggle.

Of course it is a struggle. Acting like you agree with them is a mistake, imo. It makes the relationship fall on their side and that you have already verified that it leads to a breakup. I would say the only option is to be inflexible. be clear about your values, you do not need to impose them, but they must accept them. and for them to do so they have to see that they are absolutely clear and firm in you

If you really have security in yourself, they will end up accepting and respecting you, and if you don't have it, here you have a good gym to train it

Edited June 17, 2021 by Breakingthewall

[puporing]

@Breakingthewall  That makes sense thank you.  It's possible that my 'flexibility' with other ways of life is actually causing confusion, in this case because my parents view me as an extension of themselves and the only real hope to their perceived mortality. I guess there's a difference between what you want for yourself and what you accept in others. Gym sounds about right.. balancing being firm and flexible at the same time.. and expressing ideas & values that are difficult to express.  

Edited June 17, 2021 by puporing