I have lost faith in women and I cried a lot today

[assx95]

This is about my life

Your life. Since you are me. 

So, we fell in love with women, and went to them, with an abundantly loving heart, and every time, we were stabbed in the heart by the woman we loved

We don't fear being stabbed and we could go again to them

We just don't see the point of going to them. We have to break the cycle. In a counter-intuitive move, we would not go to women and stop trying altogether

We would not expect anything of them

We would consciously let go of them and let go of who we had become

We are the shiny hearts that glow in the dark

They come to us

And when they do, we'd love them as we always did

So, in this one life, we all had, I fearlessly stopped trying and let women come to me

All we are doing, I am doing, is letting go of being a man. Of being a human. Letting go of the identity I built for myself. This has only freed us. I don't know anything about the life ahead of us, but trust me, we are deeply grounded in being. Just that these feelings get overpowering sometimes. 

And not to forget, it was a woman I truly loved, who truly awakened me to love, let me tell you, the last time we met, and it will be the last, she hugged me tight, and I hugged her, and I closed my eyes, and I let go of everything, I couldn't feel my body, nor hers, just warmth. Just an expansion. Just love. 

Much love to all <3

[Shin]

I'm confused, the thread name implies you're screwed in the inside, but at the end of the post you don't seem to have problem with women at all ?

 

[assx95]

3 minutes ago, Shin said:

I'm confused, the thread name implies you're screwed in the inside, but at the end of the post you don't seem to have problem with women at all ?

 

There's no contradiction. I did cry and I did lose faith in women as a man. 

But being a man is an identity I can wear and take off, like changing clothes. I know in my direct experience that identities are fluid, and I have the direct experience of being a glass bottle and a ceiling fan. So, I don't think there's any contradiction at all, only the appearance there of ! 

 

[Shin]

So you're saying that you had/have an awakening of some sort and that you feel "happy" regardless of not getting the attention you need from women ?

[Preety_India]

 

Try loving women selflessly. 

 

And don't expect a woman to come to you. Women need to be earned. 

 

[assx95]

3 minutes ago, Shin said:

So you're saying that you had/have an awakening of some sort and that you feel "happy" regardless of not getting the attention you need from women ?

I love attention from women. I might need it too as a man, Not denying that. 

But I'm not willing to play mind games and strategize to get love and attention. This has only made me more deceptive, sneaky, and manipulative. And trying to get women, and pursuing them, has only made women uncomfortable and creeped out in the end by me, as a man. It becomes a struggle. 

Instead, I am consciously letting go of my identity as a man, and grounding myself in being. I feel the love there. Of course, the feelings and needs come back from time to time,  but I have seen what they lead to. 

[Preety_India]

@assx95 try to build attraction not manipulation. 

Also falling in love is a natural process. Don't force it. 

It will happen when it has to happen. 

 

[assx95]

18 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Try loving women selflessly. 

Selflessly as in without a self, wouldn't I find love in just being? 

There's no trying there

20 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

And don't expect a woman to come to you. Women need to be earned. 

If women don't come to me, their loss haha. 

Men need to be earned as well ! 

So who tries? 

 

[charlie cho]

a fortune is like a woman. You have to beat it to death to let it come to you. Fortune goes rather to the impetuous men than to the idle. 

 

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, assx95 said:

If women don't come to me, their loss haha. 

Men need to be earned as well ! 

So who tries? 

You're acting silly. 

It's not in the nature of women to come to a man. It will be very absurd. 

Sure she can and will give you signals but through the signals she is expecting you to win her 

If she doesn't earn you, then why will you have her thought lol? The fact that you want her means she has already earned you in your mind. Now it's your turn to earn her in return. 

She established her subconscious attraction by placing herself in your mind. Why do you like her and not other girls, that's because she earned your attention over other girls. 

Now making her yours is your job. Show manliness. Approach her. Not in creepy way. Directly ask her and kick start it. Now if she is really interested she will not play games and come to you straight away. If she is not interested then maybe she will play games or directly reject and say no. 

In any case if it's failure move to the next girl you're attracted to 

Also keep standards low because highly attractive girls get too many requests 

So try all sorts of girls, even average girls.. With average girls the rejection rate is low. 

And try to be natural.. Don't use too many strategies. 

And don't take dating seriously. It is not LIFE. If it happens, it happens, otherwise focus on other things. 

But don't be discouraged. 

 

 

[assx95]

18 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

You're acting silly. 

It's not in the nature of women to come to a man. It will be very absurd. 

Sure she can and will give you signals but through the signals she is expecting you to win her 

If she doesn't earn you, then why will you have her thought lol? The fact that you want her means she has already earned you in your mind. Now it's your turn to earn her in return. 

She established her subconscious attraction by placing herself in your mind. Why do you like her and not other girls, that's because she earned your attention over other girls. 

Now making her yours is your job. Show manliness. Approach her. Not in creepy way. Directly ask her and kick start it. Now if she is really interested she will not play games and come to you straight away. If she is not interested then maybe she will play games or directly reject and say no. 

In any case if it's failure move to the next girl you're attracted to 

Also keep standards low because highly attractive girls get too many requests 

So try all sorts of girls, even average girls.. With average girls the rejection rate is low. 

And try to be natural.. Don't use too many strategies. 

And don't take dating seriously. It is not LIFE. If it happens, it happens, otherwise focus on other things. 

But don't be discouraged. 

My god! 

This is a game of cat and mouse just like enlightenment! 

Thanks a lot for trying to explain things from your perspective

[Preety_India]

9 minutes ago, assx95 said:

My god! 

This is a game of cat and mouse just like enlightenment! 

Thanks a lot for trying to explain things from your perspective 

[Preety_India]

12 minutes ago, assx95 said:

My god! 

This is a game of cat and mouse just like enlightenment! 

Thanks a lot for trying to explain things from your perspective

I'm glad. 

 

[Chew211]

7 hours ago, assx95 said:

If women don't come to me, their loss haha. 

Men need to be earned as well ! 

So who tries? 

 

Again, cope.

If you want something, you find a way to get it.

7 hours ago, assx95 said:

I love attention from women. I might need it too as a man, Not denying that. 

But I'm not willing to play mind games and strategize to get love and attention. This has only made me more deceptive, sneaky, and manipulative. And trying to get women, and pursuing them, has only made women uncomfortable and creeped out in the end by me, as a man. It becomes a struggle. 

Instead, I am consciously letting go of my identity as a man, and grounding myself in being. I feel the love there. Of course, the feelings and needs come back from time to time,  but I have seen what they lead to. 

You want love/attention from women, but you aren't getting it, some strategies you tried didn't work,  and so are resorting to some sort of spiritual spiritual practice as a means of cope. This isn't real spiritual growth. 

 

8 hours ago, assx95 said:

This is about my life

Your life. Since you are me. 

So, we fell in love with women, and went to them, with an abundantly loving heart, and every time, we were stabbed in the heart by the woman we loved

We don't fear being stabbed and we could go again to them

We just don't see the point of going to them. We have to break the cycle. In a counter-intuitive move, we would not go to women and stop trying altogether

We would not expect anything of them

We would consciously let go of them and let go of who we had become

We are the shiny hearts that glow in the dark

They come to us

And when they do, we'd love them as we always did

So, in this one life, we all had, I fearlessly stopped trying and let women come to me

All we are doing, I am doing, is letting go of being a man. Of being a human. Letting go of the identity I built for myself. This has only freed us. I don't know anything about the life ahead of us, but trust me, we are deeply grounded in being. Just that these feelings get overpowering sometimes. 

And not to forget, it was a woman I truly loved, who truly awakened me to love, let me tell you, the last time we met, and it will be the last, she hugged me tight, and I hugged her, and I closed my eyes, and I let go of everything, I couldn't feel my body, nor hers, just warmth. Just an expansion. Just love. 

Much love to all <38

This is mainly just a narrative that fetishizing both men and women in order to give you (and by extension, us, apparently) a sense that our position is somehow profound. 

My intent isn't to attack or be offensive. I was like you even just 3 years ago. What you're doing won't move your forward and develop your character. It's pseudo-growth. And that lack of growth will bite you in the ass with time.  

[Harlen Kelly]

@assx95 You are not the first nor the last guy to have issues dating women, but fortunately you are still very young and you definitely can turn things around. 

Are you interested in improving this area of your life? If yes, what are you actively doing to improve this area of your life?

[Shin]

Yeah this looks like coping.

You want to avoid the pain that you would feel by investing what is the real reason you suck with women.

It's not gonna be pretty, but true self actualization isn't about feeling good, it's about what needs to be done to evolve accordingly to your life situation, and the desires that keeps changing in this life of yours.

I was also there and also tried to cope with spirituality, but guess what, it didn't work out very well.

Not saying that spirituality can't help to feel better in your life, it does, but it's not about avoiding your internal and external issues either.

You'll always have to interact with women unless you isolate yourself, this isn't something you can avoid to deal with if you want to live the good life.

I hope in some corner of your mind our messages are being recorded, cause otherwise you're gonna potentially waste decades if not your entire life coping this inadequacy around women.

Don't, you're only going to go into an endless pit of despair and sorrow, and it's going to get darker and darker as time passes.

Avoiding life is not what spirituality is about, at all.

Edited June 16, 2021 by Shin

[The0Self]

Care less, but not too little. Balance. When women say they just want a nice guy, what they really mean is: the badasses they're attracted to could stand to be more kind -- that's true. You have to realize that no one can complete you, and you're equally capable of happiness alone vs being with someone. Might sound cliché, but a divine relationship has little to no need or even specialness to it.

Seems like you might already know this, but yeah.

Edited June 16, 2021 by The0Self

[bejapuskas]

30 minutes ago, The0Self said:

Care less, but not too little. Balance. When women say they just want a nice guy, what they really mean is: the badasses they're attracted to could stand to be more kind -- that's true. You have to realize that no one can complete you, and you're equally capable of happiness alone vs being with someone. Might sound cliché, but a divine relationship has little to no need or even specialness to it.

Seems like you might already know this, but yeah.

I kinda agree with this, the romanticization of specialness tends to create unrealistic expectations. 

I mean yeh if they dont come to you its their loss, perhaps you havent found the right person yet. Even though you probably have some traits that are keeping you from getting a girlfriend that you can work on, it seems to me like youre putting a big burden on your shoulders.

You know, good relationship is not about constantly guessing the other persons exact needs, youll never get there, its about communication and people are afraid to communicate because they are encouraged to shut up way too often you know.... Its sad.

Perhaps once you stop caring and start being yourself, girls who are direct and sexually open will appear. Thats what many guys experience when they stop caring. And thats what you want, right.

[The0Self]

1 hour ago, bejapuskas said:

Perhaps once you stop caring and start being yourself, girls who are direct and sexually open will appear. Thats what many guys experience when they stop caring. And thats what you want, right.

^^ real

[RendHeaven]

lolol