Is casual sex a sin?

[Preety_India]

5 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

if you think sex is deep and emotional you're delusional/ religious/ prude/ *insert rude and judgmental name here**

I faced a lot of this problem. 

Especially with my American boyfriend. 

It was an interracial relationship. 2 relationships actually. Both same result. 

If I told them that I thought sex was deep and emotional and biological to me, they would tell me that I'm being a prude or overly emotional or delusional. 

But for me sex comes with emotions. This is not induced by religion. It's just how I feel during sex. I have never felt like having sex outside of such deep emotions. 

I often get emotional after sex with the boyfriends I had in the past 

So being shamed by them for biologically feeling emotional the way I felt, it kinda seemed absurd. 

So yeah that kind of judgement sucks as well 

I'm not a prude if I want sex with emotions you know 

 

 

 

[bejapuskas]

Why I am like that? Because more people require too much energy, dont wanna spend so much energy only on girls. One full attention one is good enough for me specifically. I know that from experience. Hookups and flings would be pointless as it wouldnt be as natural. Does this resonate?

[bejapuskas]

@Preety_India Sex is deeply emotional those guys were missing out on a lot. Find a guy who isnt afraid of vulnerability.

[Preety_India]

@bejapuskas  I didn't need to experiment because I fell into relationships really hard pretty early on in my life 

My first ever relationship was a solid girlfriend boyfriend relationship with lots of sex

And the same pattern followed. So I never experienced sexual insecurities. 

So i never felt the need to be experimental about it. 

And once I fell in love, then that was it for me, I got hooked to the idea of long term relationships even if they are very difficult to maintain 

 

For me the pain is worth it because such relationships also make me happy even if there are breakups 

There is a feeling of mutual trust that I will never exchange for anything else. 

 

[Preety_India]

5 minutes ago, bejapuskas said:

Why I am like that? Because more people require too much energy, dont wanna spend so much energy only on girls. One full attention one is good enough for me specifically. I know that from experience. Hookups and flings would be pointless as it wouldnt be as natural. Does this resonate?

Yes I do find the idea of hookups not that natural. 

I never had them so I don't even know how they must feel. 

And I guess I don't even want to know. 

 

[soos_mite_ah]

28 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

I faced a lot of this problem. 

Especially with my American boyfriend. 

It was an interracial relationship. 2 relationships actually. Both same result. 

If I told them that I thought sex was deep and emotional and biological to me, they would tell me that I'm being a prude or overly emotional or delusional. 

But for me sex comes with emotions. This is not induced by religion. It's just how I feel during sex. I have never felt like having sex outside of such deep emotions. 

I often get emotional after sex with the boyfriends I had in the past 

So being shamed by them for biologically feeling emotional the way I felt, it kinda seemed absurd. 

So yeah that kind of judgement sucks as well 

I'm not a prude if I want sex with emotions you know 

Yeah, don't let people shame you for your emotional and sexual needs. Honor your needs. They are valid and if yall aren't compatible, y'all aren't compatible. That's ok. But there is no need for anyone to be rude about it and judge others on it. To each their own. You aren't wrong for having the needs and desires you have. 

[Preety_India]

Just now, soos_mite_ah said:

Yeah, don't let people shame you for your emotional and sexual needs. Honor your needs. They are valid and if yall aren't compatible, y'all aren't compatible. That's ok. But there is no need for anyone to be rude about it and judge others on it. To each their own. You aren't wrong for having the needs and desires you have. 

True. I totally agree. 

Emotional and sexual needs are very important 

 

 

[bejapuskas]

Do you think sex and love are too different things? Do you think sex is just getting your needs met and not an act of love? I mean it can be both right, but I am not sure which one you resonate with more. Do you have sexual shame?

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, bejapuskas said:

Do you think sex and love are too different things? Do you think sex is just getting your needs met and not an act of love? I mean it can be both right, but I am not sure which one you resonate with more. Do you have sexual shame?

Yea. I see them as two separate things. 

There can be sex which is inclusive of long term relationship or there can be sex which is devoid of such a relationship or connection. 

I consider sex to be a holy act that should only happen between two lovers who are meant to be for each other. 

When it's outside such a sacred love, I see it as pleasure seeking and hedonistic 

When sex is between two honest lovers/soulmates I see it as pure and sacred and beautiful and meaningful. 

Without the context of a beautiful romantic relationship, I find it cheap, dirty  shallow, characterless and ugly. 

I see romance as spiritual and not pleasure seeking 

And sex should only happen when there is romance, that means falling in love because in my mind falling in love is the most innocent pure divine act. 

So sex that happens without romance /falling in love is cheap and animalistic and I don't see anything sacred in it because it didn't happen  between two genuine lovers 

 

[Vzdoh]

Hey dear, in all other posts you sound quite green/yellowish, but when it comes to the topic of sex, I sense a lot of blue - moralisation. 

Moralisation actually prevents your psychology/mind to truly let go and enjoy sex and have multiple orgasms, i. e. feel and treat your body as a source of joy and pleasure and a beautiful object it is!!! 

With long term BFs, how is your sex? Good? Bad? Do u have orgasms? Takes time or you come easy? 

I think your question is not exactly correct. It shouldn't be about whether casual sex is sin? It should be about - do I enjoy casual sex? Does my body require/wants it? What does my body want? How it gets aroused, pleased and orgasm the most? What conditions are required? Is it casual sex or some other form, type or shape of sex? 

From outside, your question about sin seems contractory to me - like u put your body into a box and trying to decide which uncomfortable position it should take inside. 

I would remove the box and don't require my body to take any uncomfortable positions. Instead i would listen what my body wants now? Is it casual sex? Exploration of sexuality with different exciting partners? Or is it love making with a BF you have true deep feelings for? What do you want, body? This is more expansionary question to ask in my opinion. 

For me personally, before I did Hoffman Process, I slept around and was engaged in a lot of casual sex. But I have done it not from an authentic place and done it because i had low self esteem and it was a way to hook the guys in. I felt super disconnected from my body in those moments. And always felt worse after sex. 

These days, actually my body is now connected to my spirit and my heart and my mind. Therefore, what actually happens and I observed it several times - my body is completely numb and senseless almost like I watch it from somewhere outside - this when I tried having casual sex - after that sex not only i felt pain from my body for giving it to someone I had no feelings for, but on top of that, my body felt emptiness and sadness and gap/hole in the guy who is trying to fill his gap with sex when in fact he needs intimacy, closeness, connection etc. It was so painful and empty and I felt absolutely nothing, that I stopped the practice completely and it's been like that for 7 years now. 

Now when I have feelings for a guy and I know that he is in love with me, my body has an absolute libido rush and I want to jump the guy like several times per day. I did 11 orgasms in like 12 hours last time I was in a relationship. 

So to conclude - I don't moralise, I don't judge others if they want to have casual sex, but personally for me and from my experience, promiscuity never comes from a full abundant loving place for yourself. At least I don't know such individuals, neither men nor women. Maybe they exist somewhere and my circle of friends is just fucked up, but it's hard for me to believe. But again, everyone is free to do what makes them happy. 

What makes me and my body the happiest is having sex with a guy, who loves me and I love him. 

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, Vzdoh said:

With long term BFs, how is your sex? Good? Bad? Do u have orgasms? Takes time or you come easy? 

My sex with my past long term bfs was really good because I was always sufficiently emotionally stimulated. I love foreplay and ex boyfriends used to do that. 

I think with casual sex I won't have the same emotional stimulation I experience with long term relationships. And so the sex would rather be dry or almost dead. Like I won't even want it. 

You're right that I'm a bit Blue when it comes to sex but sometimes I wonder if  wanting a deep emotional connection in sexual context is rather Stage Green. 

Haha I mean Spiral Dynamics doesn't matter to me much at least when it comes to sex. 

My views on sex are pretty stubborn and haven't changed for years. I have always been like this when it comes to the subject of sex

 

Even when I was 15, I found the idea of casual sex meaningless and tasteless. 

And today also it remains the same 

 

[Preety_India]

@Vzdoh like I want to have sex with a guy who is truly in love with me and I'm in love with him. Not like a casual fling. Solid love worthy of long term relationship. Only that kind of sex sounds exciting to me. 

 

[Peter Miklis]

20 minutes ago, Vzdoh said:

These days, actually my body is now connected to my spirit and my heart and my mind. Therefore, what actually happens and I observed it several times - my body is completely numb and senseless almost like I watch it from somewhere outside - this when I tried having casual sex - after that sex not only i felt pain from my body for giving it to someone I had no feelings for, but on top of that, my body felt emptiness and sadness and gap/hole in the guy who is trying to fill his gap with sex when in fact he needs intimacy, closeness, connection etc. It was so painful and empty and I felt absolutely nothing, that I stopped the practice completely and it's been like that for 7 years now. 

Interesting. Do you think that casual sex is not natural for most women, and that they mostly do it out of lack of self esteem? Or, are there women who genuinely enjoy it?

[tatsumaru]

On 6/15/2021 at 11:09 PM, Preety_India said:

I hate casual sex. I have never indulged in casual sex in the past. 

I have always thought of casual sex as something dirty, unhealthy and cheap/shallow etc. 

I come from a religious background where casual sex was made to look like a sin (a haram in certain religions). I grew up with that attitude where I looked at it as sinful and bad. 

I still believe the same thing. I don't actively condemn it whereby I'm open to the idea of people engaging in casual sex and I wouldn't demonize them or judge them as bad people per se, since I believe in the principle of freedom of personal choice, yet I myself would never want to engage in it. I always had a solid relationship but not casual sex. 

Do you think it's a shadow on my part to think about it that way or do you think it's healthy to think so. 

The other ideas/thoughts I have regarding casual sex is that it compromises with the moral compass around sex and may become a precursor to cheating in future relationships /marriage etc. 

What are your standards and opinions on casual sex and do you have a negative outlook on it (like it's sinful) on it or do you think there's absolutely nothing wrong with it? 

Share your thoughts. 

 

Not sure what a 'sin' actually is, but I think it's mostly a religious idea that claims that if you do that you will go to some type of hell. If a religion defines something as sin and you believe that religion you are not supposed to question the dogma. If you are free from religion and you are simply doing an honest inquiry regardless what is wrong and what is right I would say that 'wrong' is what pulls you back towards the dark jungle and 'right' is what pulls you towards the peak of the mountain. So from that perspective it's about whether your action make you more unconscious and more of an animal or more conscious and more of a divine being. Walter Russell thought that casual sex can be extremely detrimental for your vibration and he even claimed that casual sex is what causes civilizations to fall. He thought that when incompatible people mate for selfish reasons the end result is that both of their consciousness go to a lower animal-like vibration and as a result their behaviors start regressing towards those of lower beings. Personally I think it's mostly a waste of time and life to think of sex as something that should be done quickly in some toilet somewhere. Sex is unity, the transcendence of duality. I understand that sometimes people just want to fuck or get fucked, but I think we should learn to manage this energy more wisely and not let it turn into a mindless compulsion. What happens when someone starts eating the same way (willing to eat any junk food as long as it brings some pleasure) or when they don't value their time and start watching stupid TV shows as long as they get some distraction. They get fat, depressed, unfulfilled, unsuccessful and unactualized. I think random sex with random people may have similar detrimental consequences.

[Shin]

Just now, tatsumaru said:

Not sure what a 'sin' actually is, but I think it's mostly a religious idea that claims that if you do that you will go to some type of hell. If a religion defines something as sin and you believe that religion you are not supposed to question the dogma.

If you are free from religion and you are simply doing an honest inquiry regardless what is wrong and what is right I would say that 'wrong' is what pulls you back towards the dark jungle and 'right' is what pulls you towards the peak of the mountain.

So from that perspective it's about whether your action make you more unconscious and more of an animal or more conscious and more of a divine being. Walter Russell thought that casual sex can be extremely detrimental for your vibration and he even claimed that casual sex is what causes civilizations to fall.

He thought that when incompatible people mate for selfish reasons the end result is that both of their consciousness go to a lower animal-like vibration and as a result their behaviors start regressing towards those of lower beings.

Personally I think it's mostly a waste of time and life to think of sex as something that should be done quickly in some toilet somewhere. Sex is unity, the transcendence of duality. I understand that sometimes people just want to fuck or get fucked, but I think we should learn to manage this energy more wisely and not let it turn into a mindless compulsion.

What happens when someone starts eating the same way (willing to eat any junk food as long as it brings some pleasure) or when they don't value their time and start watching stupid TV shows as long as they get some distraction.

They get fat, depressed, unfulfilled, unsuccessful and unactualized. I think random sex with random people may have similar detrimental consequences.

[Preety_India]

3 minutes ago, tatsumaru said:

Walter Russell thought that casual sex can be extremely detrimental for your vibration and he even claimed that casual sex is what causes civilizations to fall.

Who? 

[bejapuskas]

@Preety_India  I think you arrived at this mindset through experience. I think you can understand that casual sex would not work for you by experiencing emotional sex. So I don't know whether there still is some dissonance in you. I don't even think you judge others or slut shame. Why are you asking this question? Why the need to ask it?

[mandyjw]

I think you have to be pretty much married (marriage is just a piece of paper) to even have casual sex. Otherwise you're just pretending it's casual. Just my opinion. 

[IAmReallyImportant]

Casual sex is in most cases of course avoiding intimicy, which is the causal effect of having low self-esteem like most people do.

[mandyjw]

14 hours ago, Preety_India said:

 

So being shamed by them for biologically feeling emotional the way I felt, it kinda seemed absurd. 

It's not shame, it's lack of ability to connect on their part, so they may try to shame you as a way to continue to avoid their own feelings. Don't ever feel made to feel wrong for what's going right with you.